52 Monologues for Grown-Ups (And College Kids) by Daniel Guyton
MONOLOGUES FOR WOMEN
From the play WHERE'S JULIE?
MOM is in her 40s to 50s, and has just learned that her 15 year
old daughter is pregnant, and considering an abortion. Before she can
react however, Julie runs out of the room, leaving MOM alone with her
stoner boyfriend Hector.
MOM:
Oh my! You smell like marijuana! (Small pause) I haven't smelled
that since I was a girl. You know, Hector, Julie's father and I were
in love at a young age, too. Well, I was young anyway. He was much
older. I mean, he wasn't twenty-two! But, he was he was older. He
was about twenty or so. And I loved him. Oh, he was so handsome. And
this was during the seventies, so he was kind of a pothead. And I
thought that was dangerous. It excited me! I came from a very
conservative family, and so this was wild! It was rebellious. And my
parents warned me day in and day out that I should stay away from him.
That he was the devil and he would lead me into temptation. Well, I
wasn't having any of that! No sir! So, I just went right ahead and
had my fun. And one night Well (Whispering) We had the sex. Oh
boy, was it ever good, but sure enough, I got pregnant. Julie's
father wanted me to abort, but my parents wanted none of that! They
made me get married. And I did, and it was ok at first. I was so in
love with him. I still am, I suppose. We had three children, me and
Harold. And we are still married today, so I guess that says
something. But those drugs he did just They just scrambled his
brains like a cat in a blender! It's like a big fog just surrounds
him day in and day out. He doesn't know where he is sometimes. He
can't work, he can't make his own breakfast! He's helpless!
He's a big baby! (She grabs Hector's collar) And I want to leave
him, Hector! I want to leave him, but I can't! Because I love him!
Do you see what I'm saying?!?
From the play WHERE'S JULIE?
JULIE is a 15 year old girl who is pregnant and very confused. Her
friend Margaret convinces her to pray to Jesus for answers.
Unfortunately, JULIE has never been the "praying" type
JULIE:
Dear Jesus, I'm sorry I called you a crock of shit. I just (She
drops her hands onto the bed) I'm not very good at this. Praying.
Talking to someone who isn't there. Or maybe you are there, Jesus. I
don't know. But it sure doesn't seem like you care anymore. Is
that what it is? You're there, but you just don't care anymore?
Because that seems more likely if you ask me. (Pause) Not that I blame
you, Jesus. I wouldn't care either if I was you. Here you are, dying
for everybody's sins, and yet here we all are still sinning.
People are terrible, aren't we Jesus? Allowing you to die like that?
All alone (Pause) So here's the question of the hour, Mr. Jesus.
Should I have this baby? Because wouldn't it be a bigger sin to
bring him into a world like this? Full of pain and loneliness? And
what if I have this baby, and he doesn't love me? What if he turns
on me, the way we well, the way most of us have turned on you?
(Pause) I think I know how You felt now, Jesus. On the cross. Alone.
Sacrificing everything for someone else. For everyone. (Small pause)
Are you there? Jesus?
From the play DAFFODILS
RAIN is in her mid-20s. Her fiancé Jeremy has told her a horrible
story about his childhood, which involved the ancient stone marker
they are standing in front of. RAIN tries to comfort him as best as
she can.
RAIN:
If I could blast that stone into a million pieces, I would. If I could
reverse the mortar and the flow of time, I would return that stone to
dust. And water. From whence it came. For you to have to look at
something so unmoving, so cold (Small pause) But if I did that,
Jeremy, if I destroyed that stone (Small pause) What if I lost
you in the process? What if I never met you? What if? (Long pause)
When my mother died I She was holding me just like this. Her arms
across my chest. The tornado flattened everything. Our house, our
neighbors. (Long pause) She held me many hours before I realized she
was gone. I couldn't talk because she was holding me so tightly.
I couldn't move because she was holding me so tightly. For
sixteen hours, I couldn't move. I I was pinned in this position.
From the time the twister hit until (Small pause) I thought that
she was mad at me. I thought that she was (Small pause) She
wouldn't let me go. It took twenty men to get us out of there.
Twenty men to lift a house from off of my mother's back. The
refrigerator Stove (Small pause) Even after she was gone, she
protected me. She shielded me. She kept my body warm. (She caresses
his face) Your mother loved you, Jeremy. She never left you. She
couldn't stop the storm from coming, but she never left your
side. The daffodils were protecting you, shielding you. Keeping your
body warm. (She whispers in his ear) I'll never let you go, Jeremy.
I'll never let you go.
MONOLOGUES FOR MEN
From the play THE MOTHER OF GOD VISITS HELL
GOD may be any age or race desired. In this monologue, he explains to
his mother why he loves her more than any other human who's ever
lived.
GOD:
Ah, how Thou vexeth me. I long to see
Thee smile. So come, stand next to Me, and let
Us gaze upon the earth awhile. For ten
Millennia I've reigned, as God above
The men, with naught but cherubs to amuse
Me. Thus unsatisfied and full of pride,
Incapable of pity, cursing all
The blessèd fools who durst refused to bend
Their knees before Me. O, and when I con-
Descended to be Man, 'twas in a blaze
Of fury! Lo, for how could I have known
The agony and groans of life in My
Creation, when I knew the beauty only
Of My Own design? Such arrogance
And gumption held I then in My celestial
Presumption that all men were naught
But servants in My mind. 'Tis true, the old
Adage, of power and corruption though e'en
I could scarce believe it of Myself.
'Twas Thee who rescued Me, and all of man.
Thy motherly affections, and Thy soft
And tender hand, which taught Me love above
All other acts of Mine. "To err is human,
Yet forgiveness is divine." "Judge not
Lest ye be judged." Yes, all these passages
Were Thine. I felt such strong compassion when
I cradled in Thy arms, I could no longer
Punish as I once bethought I should.
Although I came to earth in anger, it
Was Thee who gave Me strength. In thus, Thou art
My Mother, and the holiest of saints.
From the play WHERE'S JULIE?
DAD is in his 40s-50s, alcoholic, abusive. In this scene, he has
just slapped his autistic son across the face.
DAD:
You know what it's like to raise a retard? Do ya? God damn you, boy,
you know what it's like to raise you? (JEFF sobs on the floor) Aw,
Jeff, you you don't know me. You don't know me, Jeff! You're
retarded, you can't know me. God damn you, boy, you know what it's
like to raise a retard? Do you? When your own son can't even catch a
football? When I throw it to you, and you let it hit ya in the fuckin
head? God damn you, boy. My father used to play football with me all
the time when I was a kid. Shit, I took you to a monster truck rally
when you were eight, Jeff, and you wouldn't stop screamin. You
screamed for hours! About what, I have no idea. To this day, boy, I
have no clue what the hell you were screamin about. It sure as shit
wasn't no damn monster trucks, that's for certain. What am I
supposed to do, huh? What am I supposed to do, Jeff? You're not like
us. You're not one of us. You play your video games and you zone out
in your little world that you got, and I just… I just want to talk
to you. You're my son, Jeff. But, you're nothing like me. (Small
pause) Just stop cryin'. I'm sorry I hit you.
From the play I'M NOT GAY!
MICHAEL is in his late 20s or early 30s. Police officer. Gay.
His boyfriend has just left him, and he is incredibly distraught
and incredibly drunk.
MICHAEL:
It's my blender, Jared. Mine. You can't have it. No way. I'll
give you a frappe. I'll give you a goddamn mango frappe. Right in
the nose. It's my blender. Asshole. Two and a half years. Two and a
half years and for what? So you can screw some scrawny British punk?
So you can have something wild? So you can ruin my day off? Screw you!
Romance. Candles. Rose petals on the bed. Not good enough for you,
huh, Jared? Not good enough for you, you son of a bitch. Gotta have
the dog chains. Gotta have the inflatable sheep. Well, what about me,
huh Jared? I don't need you! I'm fine without you, Jared. Me and
my blender. We're fine. And I'm gonna make milkshakes. And
frappes. And and those fruity things with the alcohol. And you
can't have none. You hear me, Jared? You hear me, you asshole? No
fruity drinks for you, you fuck! You took away two and a half years of
my life, you fuck! Two and a half years! (He picks up a gun) You want
your goddamn blender? Come and get it! (He begins to cry) Just just
come back to me and you can have it