Adelaide by Cloud Coal Shackle
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This Play is the copyright of the Author and must not be Performed, Copied or Sold without the Author's prior consentAct One
Scene 1 Yabbo's Bar, Café and restaurant in downtown Adelaide.
Midday/lunch time.
Scene opens with three tables set up, each surrounded by a group of
chairs. There is a fourth table, which sits prominently in the middle;
it has only one chair and a large umbrella set up. There is also a bar
setup at the UL and ULC of the stage where they make the coffees and
serve Alcoholic beverages at nighttime. The backdrop is the front door
and entrance to Yabbo's Bar, Café and restaurant as this scene is
set outdoors. Peter is thoroughly cleaning the main table and
methodically placing all items around the table in order when the
scene opens.
(Waiter enters; boastingly telling a story about what happened the day
before and at the same time starts messing up the tables that peter
has just organized. Peter follows behind him fixing up his mess.)
(Dialogue between Waiter and Peter often overlaps.)
Waiter: Yo Pete! Straight up g, you're not going to believe what
happened to me on my way home from work yesterday, so I'm driving
into Mac D's right and all of a sudden, out comes this young G-unit
and kicks the side of my car.
Peter: That's fantastic; can you please not put your feet up on the
table?
Waiter: So I'm like na g, aint guna have this shit, so I bust out of
my car and grab this cuz by the throat, and I'm like, oy, what the
fuck do you think you're doing kicking the side of my car? You
don't want to mess with me g, cos I'll give you a hiding. I'm
the mother fucking king boobyer, G-unit 3000, boom! And he's like,
aw, aw, aw, I didn't mean to man it was an accident.
Peter: Would you please stop making a mess?
(Waiter gets up and starts acting out the situation, and then he walks
over to the Coffee machine and starts making a coffee.)
Waiter: So I smack him in the face a couple of times, like bam, bam,
left hook, right hook and then he falls to the ground and has this big
sulk and as is like, I'll get my Syrian gang members onto you!
Peter: Oh, don't go using the coffee machine I just cleaned that.
Waiter: So I'm like, what are you talking about g? I'm straight up
gangsta, I've got all the gang connections. Get you're Syrian gang
members onto me I said, I'd scrap them out as well. So he yells
across the street to his mates, yo alli alli's, or whatever these
guys' names were, come sort this guy out. So these 3 Syrians come
across the street and are like, oy, what the fuck do you think
you're doing picking on my cousin? So I'm like, what, you wanna go
too? Boom, boom, I smack him twice, then his two mates come at me and
I give them both a hiding, boom, boom.
Peter: Sounds like a really feasible story.
Waiter: Of course its feasible, it's because I'm the man and when
you're the man you can get away with this sort of stuff.
(The waiter breaks the coffee machine)
Waiter: Yo Pete! This coffee machine is broken.
Peter: Broken? How is it broken? It wasn't ten minutes ago.
Waiter: Na it's broken man, you might want to throw it in the dump.
(Waiter walks over to the table and sits back down)
(Waiter and peter start talking at the same time and both stop when
they say the word black)
Waiter: Yo Pete, remember how I told you I had all the gang
connections, well the leader of Black.
Peter: I thought I told you to come to work in black.
Waiter: Hey you knew what I was going to say.
Peter: Listen, I thought I told you to dress in black clothes while at
work.
Waiter: Na g, can't do that, wrong gang.
Peter: Wrong gang?
Waiter: So the leader of Black power Adelaide calls me up and is like,
yo boobs cuz, there's this new Syrian fighter in town and you have
to go sort him out.
Peter: Excuse me waiter.
Waiter: Waiter?
Peter: Dave.
Waiter: Dave?
Peter: Could you please do something useful and set up a few more
chairs around the main table?
Waiter: Its Boobs, g.
Peter: I thought your name was Dave?
Waiter: Yeah Dave Boobyer cuz, they call me Boobs.
Peter: Okay then Mr. Boobyer, could you completely clean this table
after you've set up the chairs? I would appreciate it if you could
do that for me.
Waiter: I already sprayed and wiped down everything like and hour ago
man, just let me hit it.
Peter: But it's not completely right. Look this table is still
dirty. Just please?
Waiter: Come on g let me go home, you're being ridiculous.
(Julie enters and sits down on the single chair at the main table)
Peter: All right, just go wash and reload the coffee machine and then
you can go okay?
Waiter: Why can't you just do it?
Peter: Well I suppose there's no reason why I can't do it.
Waiter: Sweet, I'm leaving.
(Waiter exits)
Peter: God where do these people come from? Straight out of the wood
work or something.
Julie: You say something?
Peter: Huh! oh, no, I've seen you before. You're Adelaide's
friend Julie.
Julie: And?
Peter: Ahh, so is Adelaide coming today?
Julie: Yes she is, why do you ask?
Peter: No reason, just curious.
Julie: I wonder what the reason is for your curiosity?
Peter: No, no reason. Just wanted to know if you needed some extra
chairs. I'll go get some from out back, these tables here are all
booked.
Julie: What about this table?
Peter: No that table is free.
Julie: Right so you're telling me, that all these tables are booked,
but you just happened to leave this one, all nicely set up with an
umbrella, for no reason at all.
Peter: Yes, that's right.
Julie: Liar. You set this up for Adelaide didn't you?
Peter: Whose Adelaide?
Julie: you're a liar.
Peter: I am not!
(Julie snaps at Peter)
Julie: Oh Go get me the menu, now!
Peter: (Aside moving quickly to get the menu) Ouch she's harsh.
Julie: Typical men. (Pause) maybe that was nasty. No, of course it
wasn't, he needs to learn.
(Peter exits)
(Adelaide and Emily enter)
Adelaide: Julie! I didn't know you were here already, oh you lovely
thing. You haven't been waiting long have you?
Julie: I got off early to be here.
Adelaide: Hold on I'll just grab a couple of chairs.
Peter: Adelaide, welcome, it's good to see you. I'll grab you some
chairs from out the back. (Loud and trying to impress her, Julie
shakes her head)
Adelaide: No these chairs should be fine thank you Peter, don't
trouble yourself for me. Grab a seat you two grab a seat.
Julie: I had to tell him off before.
(Valery enters)
Julie: Valery you made it, have you and Adelaide met?
Adelaide: It's a pleasure to meet you Valery.
Valery: Its nice to meet you too Adelaide.
(Valery receives phone call and faces away from the girls)
Julie: Typical.
Adelaide: What do you mean?
Julie: He probably needs someone to wipe his ass.
Adelaide: Julie! Who?
Julie: Man devil.
Adelaide: Man devil?
Julie: Never mind Adelaide.
Valery: I'm sorry to come and go girls but I have to leave you all.
Adelaide: Oh, Valery you're not going to stick around?
Valery: No I'm sorry, I have some urgent things I have to do,
perhaps another time?
Adelaide: Of course, what are you doing tonight?
Valery: I'm busy tonight with a dinner date.
Adelaide: What are you doing afterwards? The girls and I are going to
Rymill Park to have an evening picnic and meet up with some friends.
Valery: Why is something on?
Adelaide: They have the dance on tonight, why don't you join us?
Valery: Oh the dance! I've always wanted Cecil to take me to that.
I'm not sure how long dinner will go on for but a picnic in the park
would be excellent.
Adelaide: We will bring extra wine incase you turn up.
Valery: Okay thank you Adelaide. Anyway I better get going. I'll do
my best to see you girls tonight.
Adelaide: All right see you Valery, it was nice to meet you.
Julie: Bye.
(Valery exits)
Julie: She's off to chase that joke of a man she calls a boyfriend.
Adelaide: How long have they been together?
Julie: I don't know but I know his name is Cecil.
Adelaide: Why do I sense a bitter tone in your voice? Julie that's
not like you, do you know him?
Julie: Yeah.
Adelaide: How well?
Julie: Too well.
Adelaide: Oh god, does Valery know?
Julie: No. Why would Valery want to know about seven years of Hell?
Adelaide: Because she's dating him Julie. You have to tell her.
Julie: I'll get round to it. I see you're still biting you're
nails Emily.
(Emily tries to hide her hands away.)
Julie: You look like a rabbit chomping on those things.
Emily: Thanks Julie, it's good to see you've gotten less
judgmental.
Julie: Ha-ha.
Adelaide: Why do you have to cut her down all the time? Why can't
you do something nice like compliment her?
Julie: I'll give it a go, maybe. And who's this man you've been
chasing?
Adelaide: Man? What man? I haven't been chasing any man.
Emily: Yes we heard through someone you were chasing some handsome
young guy but who is this mystery man we wonder?
Adelaide: What? These are just rumors. I haven't been chasing any
man. Peter!
(Peter enters quickly)
Peter: Yes Adelaide.
Julie: My, that was quick.
Peter: I ah aim to please.
Adelaide: Did Julie growl at you, did she?
Peter: No, it was probably my fault anyway.
Adelaide: She can be a right nasty thing sometimes can't she?
Peter: She can.
Julie: He should have taken my order instead of asking stupid
questions.
Adelaide: Peter would you be a dear and take our order now?
Peter: Anything for you Adelaide.
Adelaide: Oh, you're just adorable aren't you Peter. I'll have a
flat white, Julie will have a long black and Emily will
Emily: Oh, I'm fine thank you.
Peter: Sorry but we cant make you a flat white at the moment. Perhaps
you could try something else?
Julie: Get a long black. It's much stronger.
Adelaide: But I always get a flat white, everyday I come in and buy
the same coffee, I don't want to try something else.
Julie: Why not?
Adelaide: Because, it's not momentously pleasing but lasting
satisfaction, I'll go without, thank you Peter.
Julie: Just try a long black.
Adelaide: I'll stick to what I know for it satisfies me, why try
more to risk less. I'll go without, thank you Peter.
Peter: Okay, ah, I'll just bring you some tea, it's on the house.
Julie: So tell us why you wanted to speak to us all Adelaide. Don't
tell me I left work to hear about some blood-sucking male.
Emily: Blood sucker? That's pretty rich coming from a trainee
accountant.
Adelaide: Emily!
Emily: Sorry.
Adelaide: Anyway, Emily and I can't decide if we want to open our
florist in Sydney or right here in Adelaide.
Emily: No that's not it. Tell us who this man is.
Adelaide: There is no man.
Julie: What? I thought you said you had decided on moving to Sydney to
open it there.
Adelaide: Well I had, but now I'm not so sure.
Julie: Adelaide, you said you were moving in a few days, what is going
on?
Emily: I bet it's this new man that's stopping her.
Julie: Well what do you think about this Emily?
Emily: I'll go wherever Adelaide goes.
Julie: Adelaide you said to me just the other day "I'm packing up
my things to open a shop in Sydney" what the hell is going on.
Adelaide: Yes, I was planning on leaving in a few days but it wasn't
yet for certain.
Julie: Emily stop biting your nails you look like peter the waiter. At
least tell us who this man is Adelaide and stop being so secretive.
Adelaide: I've already told you! There is no man, nor was there a
man, nor will there ever be, a man. Because I don't need a man,
I'm a rare jewel in an ocean of thorns I will sparkle and shine all
on my own.
(Girls laugh)
Emily: Yeah right.
Julie: Of course you will Adelaide. Now who is he?
Adelaide: Now, listen here you two, I have something I want to share.
Julie: Here we go.
Adelaide: The day will come when I must shield away my innocent
anticipations for the man will bite them.
Julie: Aww for the man will bite them, this is coming from the girl
who has guys drooling over her day after day. Who ever marry's you
is going to treat you like a queen.
Adelaide: I don't have guys drooling over me.
Julie: Well you wont have guys drooling over you if don't stop with
that poetry rubbish.
Adelaide: What's wrong with my poetry?
Emily: I like her poetry.
Adelaide: Well there. So Julie, What then, if I said to you good-bye?
Why then, you'd leave and I to sigh? And footsteps that eco upon the
ground, make lighthearted talk with words unsound, please loosen that
weighed chain look, for half my breath you so happily took, please
stop I'll give you something in your turn, an age old fable you now
must learn, how I'll come back to you, when you find me a soul
unbroken and new.
Julie: When are you going to stop reading that Shakespearian dribble?
Adelaide: When men stop comparing me to a summer's day.
Julie: You mean when men stop comparing you to a summer's shag.
(Girls laugh)
Emily: But seriously, stop stalling us.
Adelaide: All right I have been spending a little time with a young
man named Jimmy but hardly anything will come of it. We're merely
just friends.
Julie: With benefits?
Adelaide: God, I hate that word. No, nothing at all like that.
Julie: Those guys are losers anyway.
Adelaide: So you know him.
Julie: Yes I know him; I've heard he doesn't even speak to his own
sister.
Adelaide: Who's his sister?
Julie: Her names Tory.
Adelaide: Really? Well I'm going to ask him when I see him.
Julie: You do know he's a New Zealander don't you?
Adelaide: Who?
Julie: Jimmy.
Adelaide: A New Zealander? Well that would make sense.
Julie: I wonder if he's one of those JAFA Aucklander's, or one of
those inbred southerners?
Adelaide: I don't know what you're talking about but he's
neither. He's something better, something in-between.
Emily: So when do you think he will ask the question?
Adelaide: I swear its nothing at all like that.
Julie: Does he have a job?
Adelaide: I think he's a labourer.
Julie: That doesn't pay very well Adelaide. You're a good-looking
girl, why don't you find yourself a doctor or an accountant?
Adelaide: I know but that's fine. With his income and my job at the
florist we should live comfortably enough.
Emily: So you are really interested in him then?
Adelaide: Well to be honest guys this Jimmy fella has really caught my
attention.
Emily: Really? Tell us more.
Adelaide: Where do I start? He's tall, dark, and handsome.
Julie: Like a Guinness?
(Girls laugh)
Adelaide: Seriously girls, I think this guy has a good heart, he jokes
around a lot, and he even teased me the first time we met. He's
pretty much jack the lad.
Emily: So why didn't you ask him out?
Adelaide: How do I put this? I guess he's been with a few girls.
Julie: A few, I've heard he's been with a few at once.
Adelaide: You see Julie if that's true, then I'm actually hurt
because I really like this guy, and sex is a big deal to me that's
why I'm questioning whether to ask him out or not.
Julie: But come on Adelaide, a bit of the old in out isn't that much
of a big deal?
Adelaide: Julie I'm not interested in the old in out as you so
elegantly put it, I'm more concerned with true love and marriage to
be honest, and how do I know if Jimmy is actually interested in me in
that way or just up for a good time?
Emily: True love and marriage? How interested in him are you?
Adelaide: Very, but at the same time unsure.
Emily: So you're not going to give him a go?
Julie: Well I wouldn't give him a go. He sounds like a waste of
time.
Adelaide: Okay I will admit, I've heard he can be a bit of an idiot
around his mates, but he wasn't like that with me the other day. He
was sweet and lovely, and as long as he is sincere and honest around
me then that is what truly matters.
Emily: And the New Zealand thing?
Adelaide: Is fine Emily.
Julie: Yeah if you like
Adelaide: If I like what?
Julie: Never mind Adelaide. So is he the real reason now, why you're
unsure about moving?
Adelaide: Yes.
Julie: Adelaide, no woman should ever let a man stop her from chasing
her dreams.
Adelaide: I know, but this one is different.
Emily: He must really be something if you're thinking about staying
in Adelaide just for him.
Julie: I need more smokes.
Adelaide: You know those things will kill you.
(Julie exits)
Adelaide: Those things are going to kill her.
Emily: (Sigh) I could never get a guy like that?
Adelaide: A guy like that, what do you mean?
Emily: A guy like Jimmy.
Adelaide: What? I've told you a thousand times, Emily look in the
mirror, you're beautiful, you just have to see it in yourself and
believe it.
Emily: I don't feel that way sometimes.
Adelaide: Remember that time in high school when I was interested in
that boy Mark and I thought he was coming over to ask me out, but he
asked you out in stead?
Emily: Yes.
Adelaide: And do you remember that time Danny gave you that note in
class saying you were the most amazing girl he'd ever seen.
Emily: Yes.
Adelaide: Men think you're attractive Emily so I don't want to
hear you beat yourself down.
Emily: But I'm just so shy, no guy is going to want me because I
never say anything.
Adelaide: Any guy would want you, just as soon as he gets to know
you.
Emily: But what if I ask Chris out and he just laughs in my face.
Adelaide: You're just imagining the worst thing that could happen,
it won't happen like that trust me.
Emily: Okay.
Adelaide: And I want to hear all about it after you've asked him.
Don't worry I wont tell Julie anything.
(Julie re-enters)
Julie: Won't tell me what?
(Peter enters and interrupts girls conversation)
Peter: Ah excuse me Julie?
(Waiter enters with all his gear packed ready to go home)
Waiter: Yo Pete! Who's that blonde girl that always comes in, you
know, the one you're always trying to impress.
Peter: Ha-ha, I have no idea what he's talking about.
Waiter: Oh that's her there g.
Peter: Ahh excuse me for a second would you.
(Peter walks over to waiter)
Peter: Would you shut up, what do you want?
Waiter: Yo Pete, you should go for her mate, she's just as hot and
probably less maintenance too.
Peter: Oh piss off home would you.
Waiter: Ha-ha Catch ya later g.
(Peter kicks the waiter as the waiter exits)
Peter: Sorry about that, I swear I have no idea what he's talking
about. Ahh Julie, as I was saying.
Julie: Yes?
Peter: The ah, coffee machine has completely broken down so I cant
actually make you a coffee right now, I'm very sorry.
Julie: So lets get this straight, your selling coffee in a coffee shop
with out actually having a working coffee machine?
Peter: Ah yes, I'm terribly sorry for this inconvenience.
Julie: Well of course you are peter my dear boy, but don't let it
happen again, now run along now I must be getting back to work, I will
pick something up on the way.
Adelaide: If none of us are actually having a drink, Emily and I could
walk you back to work?
Julie: Sounds good.
Adelaide: You look after yourself now Peter won't you, we are
leaving now.
Emily: Yeah bye Peter.
Julie: And stop biting those nails or you will have none left.
Peter: Okay.
(Peter exits)
Julie: The same goes for you to Emily.
(Adelaide, Emily and Julie exit)
Scene 2 Kitchen and living room of Valery's home. Early evening.
Scene opens with a small kitchen to the UL and L of the stage. Next to
the kitchen at the ULC of the stage is a small kitchen table and a
couple of chairs. At the RC of the stage is a small two-seater couch
and a single seater chair to its left, which sits around about the C
of the stage. Between the UC and URC of the stage is a small cabinet
with a couple of draws. At the UR of the stage is a set of stairs,
which lead up and out of the stage. At the R of the stage is a Maori
statue carving John and Hilder picked up during their travels to New
Zealand. And at the DR of the stage is a front door frame with a door,
which leads to the steps heading down the stage to the audience.
Hilder is baking in the kitchen and dusting/cleaning the lounge when
John enters.
(John enters)
John: Hilder!
Hilder: What is it?
John: I've finished for the day.
Hilder: Have you done the weeding?
John: Most of it.
Hilder: John, you didn't tidy the yard all by yourself did you? I
thought you said you were going to hire some tradesmen?
John: We don't have the money for that.
Hilder: John but you said you would. You know I'm more worried about
your physical health than money.
John: I don't trust tradesmen they're too quick with their cheek.
Hilder: John they're not to quick with their cheek, you've just
become to slow, and you use to be a tradesman John.
John: I know, that's why I don't trust them.
Hilder: But John, if you use to be one then
John: I use to be hippy as well Hilder my love, but those days are
long gone.
Hilder: John I'm sure there are a lot of laborers at the moment that
really need the money and it will do wonders for your body if you
didn't have to do the work.
John: But Hilder I'm saving up to buy us a nicer home.
Hilder: But John I love this home, I want us to grow old here.
John: We are old.
Hilder: I mean really old. We've got everything we need right here,
with the tough financial times we could just give some money to
charity and hire a couple of laborers, having you in a shape and sound
body is the most important thing.
John: Hilder honey, I'm hardly out of my prime. What would I be
doing if I weren't working? And besides we need the money for Valery
and us. Something has to tide us through the long winters. My body is
fine.
Hilder: John if this house was burning down you wouldn't even be
able to carry yourself out of bed, let alone me.
John: That's only because I'm so tired at nighttime, especially
after our exhaustingly passionate love making routine.
Hilder: Our love making routine has not slowed down because I'm
falling out of love with you dear.
John: Then why is it?
Hilder: Its because you work your body so hard that you can hardly
hold your eyes open past eight o'clock at night, and because of the
pain in your back you cant even carry me up the stairs like you use
to.
(John walks over to the cabinet)
John: All right, all right, love. Have you seen my glasses?
Hilder: They're in your shirt pocket.
John: Oh right.
(John walks away and sits down on the couch, he then starts cleaning
his shoes whilst Hilder remains in the kitchen)
John: The heat today is sweltering.
Hilder: It is October.
John: Summer already, well I'll be. It is hot and the temperature
does tether me my darling. I feel like one of our weather ridden cane
chairs, I splinter at dawn and decay at dusk.
Hilder: What was that?
John: I'm too old my love; someone should put me away before they
sit on me and my legs buckle.
Hilder: Are you rambling again dear?
John: No, no, just cleaning my shoes.
(John mumbles to himself)
John: God I've worked too many late nights away from the bedroom.
Hilder: Did you say something dear?
(John under his breath but to the audience, begins to mumble)
John: I'm just going to turn out like all those other fathers,
working their last hours in the god damn home. Most men dream for a
little peace and quiet at this stage in their life and all I want, is
to get back on the love train, do not pass go, do not collect two
hundred dollars, ha-ha.
Hilder: I'm sure I can hear you speaking.
John: Don't worry dear!
(John Turns and starts talking to an old man (Maori statue) to the
side of the room)
John: What are you looking at? Hilder probably gives you more of a rub
over then what I get. And you still have the cheek to look at me with
your tongue out. Cheeky kiwi, you're lucky I don't cut it off.
Ha-ha.
Hilder: Don't tell me your arguing with the statue again dear.
John: No of course not, I'm not that gone just yet.
(John looks at statue)
John: I'm not finished with you yet.
(Hilder approaches John from behind the couch and puts her arms around
him)
Hilder: What's wrong.
John: Nothing.
Hilder: Come on tell me, I'll get it out of you eventually.
John: There's nothing wrong dear. I'm fine.
Hilder: I married a self-reflecting man John. Tell me what's wrong.
John: You know Hilder; today was a really hard slog.
Hilder: Yeah?
John: Things have really started to pile up on me. Literally, there
are boxes everywhere that need sorting; the warehouse needs painting,
and there's also that trench down the side of the warehouse that
needs to be dug out. If I don't reinforce the retainer wall soon it
might collapse.
Hilder: You're too old to be digging. You'll put your back out
again.
John: I'm not too old.
Hilder: We've been through this.
John: I know, I know.
Hilder: Why don't you hire some workers? You know for a fact we have
more than enough money to hire laborers.
John: I just don't like laborers; their rude and they don't have
respect for anything.
Hilder: John these are just common stereotypes, I'm sure that if you
just gave some workers ago, you'd find that under the surface their
actually good people.
John: Yeah, good at stealing my merchandise maybe.
Hilder: John!
John: Hmmm I'll have a think about it, but I'm not out of the game
just yet.
(Valery enters)
Valery: Mum, did you get those items from the store?
Hilder: Yes I picked them up.
Valery: You have to help me in the kitchen tonight okay? Cecil is
coming over.
John: Valery good timing, I was just leaving to go to the warehouse,
would you be a good girl and come help me with the counting?
(Valery walks into the kitchen and starts chopping up vegetables)
Valery: Not now dad I'm busy.
John: But surely Valery, a faithful daughter, one such as yourself,
would look upon her father with pity wouldn't she?
Valery: No.
John: And, in turn, maybe momentarily abandon her pursuit of this
young man, to help him bring bread to the table?
Valery: No.
John: But it wouldn't take much my dear, only an hour, possibly
two.
Valery: No dad, not now.
John: Very well, very well.
Valery: Mum, will you help me tonight or wont you? I can't do it on
my own.
John: Useless, I should have had a son.
Valery: Dad!
John: Ha-ha just kidding, you know I want the best for you, even if it
does mean I have to put up with that boyfriend of yours.
Valery: What do you mean put up with him? What's wrong with him?
John: Nothing, nothing.
(John looks at Hilder then exits)
Hilder: Its not that there's anything wrong with him dear, we're
just not sure Cecil is really the right man for you, that's all.
Valery: Why not?
Hilder: John and I just feel that, well maybe he's just a little
arrogant.
Valery: Arrogant, how is he arrogant?
Hilder: Well you know, always out for him self.
Valery: He is not mum, why say that? You don't even know what's
going on.
Hilder: All right dear, I just want what's best for you, that's
all.
Valery: Yeah but that's always your excuse whenever you want to
interfere in my life.
Hilder: It's not like that Valery.
Valery: It is like that, it's like every time you hit me up about my
weight, you say you only want what's best for me but really you just
don't want a daughter who is fat.
Hilder: Valery do we have to have this argument every time?
Valery: Well mum, I come home and you just straight away start
complaining about Cecil, what's he done wrong?
Hilder: It's not that he's done anything wrong, it's just that,
Cecil, he just, walks around this place like he owns it, and I know
he's polite but sometimes he just overstays his welcome a little.
Valery: That's only because I invite him around all the time. You
can't blame him mum.
Hilder: All right dear, just stop yelling.
Valery: You will help me tonight though wont you?
Hilder: I suppose.
Valery: I hope he likes it.
Hilder: Don't get your hopes up Hun.
Valery: I'll make him the best dinner though; I'm an excellent
cook.
Hilder: You'd make a good housewife dear.
Valery: I know if only Cecil could see it in me. He never spends
enough time with me.
Hilder: Perhaps you shouldn't be so needy all the time; it's very
unattractive to the opposite sex.
Valery: Mum you don't even care! When is he getting here? He better
not be late.
Hilder: I don't think he will stay long.
Valery: Why don't you think he will stay long?
Hilder: Didn't you say he was going out tonight to visit his
friends?
Valery: Oh yeah he is tonight, but he's spending the night with me
first! And that's the end of it, full stop end of sentence.
Hilder: Why is he going to visit his friends tonight?
Valery: Oh it's so stupid; they think he's some kind of Guru when
it comes to chasing woman, all because he landed me as a girlfriend. I
mean how stupid is that? He didn't land me; I was just dumb enough
to think he was attractive.
(Hilder chuckles)
Hilder: Guru at chasing woman? What do you mean?
Valery: Apparently Jim is in love with this girl Adelaide, I met her
today. She is really pretty, but totally out of his league. I mean
he's just a rugged tradesman.
Hilder: Oh you've been listening to your father too much. At least
they work, unlike Cecil.
Valery: Mum!
Hilder: Valery, just don't get your hopes up Hun, I don't want to
see you get hurt.
Valery: Don't worry about me getting hurt mum, he will stay here
with me tonight and if he doesn't its not going to me that's
hurting, trust me.
Hilder: All right, but don't come crying to me if things turn sour
because I don't want to hear about it.
Valery: Don't worry mum I wont.
(Hilder and Valery exit)
Scene 3 - Rymill Park. Nighttime.
Scene opens with a lamppost to the DR of the stage. The lamp is bent
over illuminating the stage from right to left. Directly below the
lamp on the DR of the stage is a park bench. There are two trees
positioned on the UR and UL of the stage. The two trees are covered in
Lights but are not turned on during this scene. The backdrop in this
scene is set in Rymill Park in Adelaide. The picture on the backdrop
has an over bridge from right to left which connects to a small island
in the middle of a lake. On the island is a small rotunda covered in
lights. The lake comes around the island on the left of the backdrop,
down to the bottom of the backdrop and then runs back (looks like a
river) under the over bridge. Behind the over bridge in the distant of
the picture and behind the Small Island is a group of large trees
running along the backdrop from left the right. There are lights all
over the trees, on the backdrop and on the rotunda but they are turned
off during this scene.
(Bennet and Jimmy slowly enter)
(They silently greet and Bennet has a huge smile on his face. Both of
them still have paint on their hands from work)
Jimmy: What?
Bennet: You just don't look right with a bunch of flowers in your
hand; I'm too used to seeing you hold a paintbrush.
Jimmy: Well obviously I've met a girl haven't I?
Bennet: Yeah?
Jimmy: Yeah, you know a real tidy kind of a lady.
Bennet: There's nothing like a good woman to tidy you up ay.
Jimmy: Yeah man, I'm telling ya, I Found myself doing all this stuff
I wouldn't normally do.
Bennet: Like showering and wearing clean clothes?
Jimmy: Yeah, that's exactly true.
(Boys laugh)
Bennet: Don't worry I know what you mean.
Jimmy: You could almost say we look presentable for once.
Bennet: That's not like us. You could have washed the paint of your
hands though.
Jimmy: Honestly my back was killing me so bad tonight, took me 20
minutes just to put this damn suite on.
(Boys laugh)
Jimmy: Wait until you see her Bennet, she's a real beauty, I'm
telling ya. I drove all the way across town to get her these flowers;
hey I got you something as well.
(Jimmy gives Bennet a pair of kneepads)
Bennet: O Jim, you got me some kneepads.
Jimmy: It was part of the deal, you know, buy a bouquet of flowers,
and get a pair of kneepads free.
Bennet: O wow, I wonder what they had in mind with that promotion?
(Boys laugh)
Jimmy: But seriously, I seen you busting your knees up at work today,
so I thought you could use some.
Bennet: You're a generous man Jim, can't say id do the same for
you.
Jimmy: Yeah you're a real tight ass like that sometimes.
(Bennet laughs)
Jimmy: And guess what else? I wrote her a poem.
Bennet: Whoa Jim, You wrote her a poem. Is that what Aussie's do
when they meet a woman?
Jimmy: Yeah man the Sheila's over here love it. And my lady's a
florist so she'll love the romantic stuff.
Bennet: I guess that's why we kiwi boys come to Aus ay, get
ourselves a decent paying job, and then steal off back home to NZ with
a heap of cash and a gorgeous Australian woman to boot.
Jimmy: Bennet! You've got me all figured out.
(Boys laugh)
Bennet: I was wondering why you got me out here tonight.
Jimmy: So how are the ladies treating you at the moment?
Bennet: To be honest it's a bit of a drought.
Jimmy: Gutted for you man.
Bennet: Don't worry about it though; I can feel the rainy season
coming on.
Jimmy: Yeah they'll come pouring in, I'll catch your over flow.
(Boys Laugh)
Bennet: So what's so great about this gal?
Jimmy: Bro this girl is one of a kind. I mean for one, she's not
your typical bloodsucker; she actually seemed to listen and give a
damn about my story.
Bennet: Wow she must be a brilliant liar and as patient as you like.
Jimmy: Na Straight up.
Bennet: Yeah?
Jimmy: Yeah, like the way she dresses, moves, and speaks is
unbelievably classy, she even seems to not have bunted the majority of
the country which is always a plus.
Bennet: So the complete opposite of you then aye, (Bennet laughs)
I'm joking man, just relax. You're just so intense sometimes.
(Bennet strokes Jimmy's arm.)
Jimmy: Something like that, but the truth of the matter is, is that
she doesn't seem like the type of girl that would play around on
me.
Bennet: Why not?
Jimmy: Because she doesn't seem like the type of girl to play around
with guys Bennet.
Bennet: Well she does seem like one of a kind Jim I'll give you
that, you sure she exists?
Jimmy: Is that jealousy I smell?
Bennet: Na, I'm actually stoked for you. Anyway when is that mate of
yours getting here?
Jimmy: He should be here soon, don't worry.
Bennet: I'm not worrying, I'm just saying.
Jimmy: You know Bennet I've been thinking lately.
Bennet: Really, that's a first.
Jimmy: Just, do you have to start?
(Bennet laughs)
Bennet: Okay Jim, what have you been thinking about?
Jimmy: I've been thinking, we really should give up this laboring
business. I mean we bust our bodies 24/7 and for what you know? To
listen to shitty builders yelling in our ears, sparky's who never
clean up their mess, painters who talk a load of rubbish. I mean
you're busting up your knees and I come home everyday covered in
paint.
Bennet: It's not too bad.
Jimmy: But we should really move onto something bigger and better, you
know, earn some real cash. I mean that's what we came to Aus for.
Bennet: No, you came to Aus because your whole family was moving
here.
Jimmy: Yeah, and they came here to earn double what they earn back
home.
Bennet: We are earning double what we earn back home.
Jimmy: I know, but we need to step it up.
Bennet: You want to impress your woman?
Jimmy: Yeah, I've really got to earn some decent cash somehow.
Bennet: Got to provide.
Jimmy: Yeah that's it.
Bennet: Got to be the man of the house.
Jimmy: Yeah.
Bennet: I don't know Jim, I quite like this work, outside, the sun
on our backs, paintbrush in our hands. Just working away. We're
living the life, right here.
Jimmy: Aw its always about you isn't Bennet? It's just I, I, I.
Bennet: Here we go.
Jimmy: Me, Me, Me, Want, Want, Want.
Bennet: Everything.
Jimmy: Don't get me wrong though Bennet I like the work, we just,
don't earn enough.
Bennet: I guess, maybe we could do a bit of forestry; I've done a
bit before, its good work.
Jimmy: Forestry ay.
Bennet: But really I just want to open my own painting business.
Jimmy: Where here or in New Zealand?
Bennet: There aint no hope for the small business owner in New Zealand
Jim.
Jimmy: Yeah I know, that's why I was surprised when you said it.
Bennet: You probably shouldn't get me started about it, honestly I
could ramble on for ages, it makes me that angry.
Jimmy: Why? Explain it to me.
Bennet: Okay, but you asked for it. First of all income tax is way too
high so you have to spend all this extra money just to pay your
workers, then the IRD makes you record basically everything you do so
you never actually have time to run your business. Then once you've
paid everyone and all your expenses, you then have to pay income tax
on all your own profits as well. And then you think to yourself why
don't I make a bit of money on the side, you know charge out my own
scaffolding or something, but no that might actually make you some
money, so they slap a whole heap of unnecessary licenses on it, just
to make sure it's impossible to do. What next? License to breath,
license to eat, license to sleep. I mean you have to apply for a
license just to risk your own life these days. I think the New Zealand
people should demand the government apply to the people for a
people's license for revenue collecting.
Jimmy: Ha-ha, yeah, yeah, then they make up all these unnecessary laws
that the honest tradesman or business owner doesn't have time to
learn, and then all they have to do is sit back and wait for you to
ignorantly break one so they can do you for everything your worth.
Bennet: Yeah people in New Zealand are afraid to open their own
businesses because they're afraid of being criminalized for simply
giving it a go. Ha-ha, it's like the second you decide to take pride
in yourself and make something of your life, the New Zealand
government and the media are standing right there in front of you just
to turn you back into a criminal again.
Jimmy: It could be the governments next catch phrase "The New
Zealand government, here to degrade the struggle of the honest New
Zealand business owner since 1853"
Bennet: Ha-ha yeah or this one "The IRD, here to waste every
precious moment of your life worth living"
(Jimmy cracks up laughing)
Jimmy: Aww it's so true.
Bennet: And here's the best part, the second you get through all of
this crap and start to earn a decent living, like 60 grand a year, the
government slaps GST on you just so they can throw your business under
and remind you that you never had a chance to succeed in the first
place.
Jimmy: Aw there's no hope in that country, get rid of national for a
start, all talk and no delivery. What they really need to do is raise
the GST threshold to $100,000 a year as opposed to 60. Give people a
chance to get of the ground.
Bennet: I mean I would take up some extra weekend shifts somewhere to
earn some more money, but then the government will slap a double tax
rate on me, making it pointless. You think the government would want
to encourage New Zealander's to work harder but the harder you work
the more they tax you. Parliaments full of idiots they've got things
back to front. Start rewarding people for working harder, don't
penalize them.
Jimmy: Next the government will introduce slavery tax, just so they
can tax us for already being enslaved by their taxes in the first
place. That's the price of an honest living these days, slavery. You
try to do the right thing and the justice department will do you over
worse then what they would do if you were just dishonest to begin
with.
[end of extract]
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