Beware of Strangers by Russell Wiitala
ACT I Scene 1
The Torppa family are at an isolated cabin in the north cascade
mountains of Washington State.
A very severe early snow storm has isolated the Torppa family in
their cabin. A full pantry of food and large supply of wood provide
the family with all of their immediate needs.
Their cell phones are worthless due to the remote location of the
cabin.
The main room of the cabin has a small wood stove up center with a
stool and wood cradle nearby. In the corner cross country skis lean
against the wall. A pair of snow shoes hang on the upstage wall.
A couch and coffee table are stage right. An emergency radio sits on
the coffee table. Stage left is the counter and sink with cupboards.
There is a window above the sink. The front door is downstage of the
kitchen area leading to the front porch. The bathroom door is upstage
of the couch and down right is the entrance to the hallway. The
bathroom doubles as the pantry.
Ron enters from the hallway wearing a robe with long johns and
slippers. He moves to the kitchen area and checks the coffee machine,
smiles and pours himself a cup. He sips his coffee and looks out the
window.
RON
Oh, Wow!........
(Ron puts his coffee cup down and points to it.)
I'll be right back.
(Ron exits the front door. Frannie enters from hallway in slippers and
robe and sleepily walks to the coffee maker. She looks out the window
and giggles a little. )
FRANNIE
Well I guess I won that bet.
(Joe enters wearing pajamas and a long sleeve flannel shirt.)
JOE
What bet is that?
FRANNIE
Look out the window and see for yourself.
(Joe goes to the window and looks out.)
JOE
It snowed!
FRANNIE
A lot!
JOE
Awesome! Now I can try out the snowshoes and skis.
FRANNIE
How about stoking the fire first, please? Check to see if there are
any embers left burning from last night.
JOE
Okay mom.
(Joe opens the door to the wood stove.)
FRANNIE
Dad's already broke trail to the outhouse.
(Frannie pours herself a cup of coffee.)
JOE
It went out. I guess I better get dressed and make some kindling.
FRANNIE
Thank you Joe.
(Joe exits into the hallway then Ron enters through the front door,
goes and picks up his coffee.)
RON
What do you think about that?
FRANNIE
I believe I won the bet. It looks like our weekend adventure has
turned into an “Adventure”.
RON
This time of the year these things usually straighten out pretty
quickly. It's only Saturday, We'll probably be home by Columbus day.
FRANNIE
Did you say Christmas?....I hope you're right, because if your wrong I
know one person who won't be a happy camper.
RON
You mean cabiner.
FRANNIE
Right. I think, maybe, I mean Cabineer.
RON
Cabineeer. Like musketeer only for cabin dwellers. I like it. So no
one has stirred yet?
FRANNIE
Yes, Joe is getting dressed to go out and make some kindling. The
stove burnt out completely overnight. He seems to be a little excited
about the snow.
RON
That's my boy. He makes a good cabineer. Good thing we did lots of
good insulating. It's not too bad in here considering. It's starting
to get cool in here though. I should always have kindling ready next
to the stove, just in case. Live and learn, I thought there would be
some hot coals left. I didn't feel like adding any wood to the stove
last night because it was so toasty in here. We'll try and let the
fire burn down early tonight then I'll add a couple of logs to it just
before bedtime. If it's too hot we'll leave the front door open for
awhile before bedtime to cool it down in here.
(Ron has sat up center at the table.)
FRANNIE
What if a bear walks in?
RON
This storm will probably make them go into hibernation.
FRANNIE
What about a cougar?
RON
A cougar could get you on the way to the outhouse, so what difference
does it make?
FRANNIE
Oh, good point. Did you bring your handgun?
RON
Maybe.
FRANNIE
Anyone using the outhouse will get an armed escort from now on. It's a
nice thing you did for the environment, installing a composting
outhouse. I didn't realize it was going to involve danger.
RON
There has to be a little edge to this wilderness thing to make it
interesting, don't you think? If you're not careful, you could lose it
before you get to the outhouse… I'll get some bear mace before our
next visit so we can have it handy.
FRANNIE
How comforting. You're going to feel real bad when I get abducted by
Bigfoot on my way to the potty.
RON
It will serve him right. He has no idea what a wildcat you can be,
HA!
FRANNIE
HA!
RON
I wonder if Bigfoot abductions are covered by our insurance policy?
FRANNIE
We should have asked the insurance man.
RON
I'll give him a call when we get back.
FRANNIE
If we get back.
(Joe enters from hallway.)
RON
Well, top of the mornin to ya, lad.
JOE
It snowed!
RON
Really? Hadn't noticed.
(Joe exits the front door. Frannie comes over to Ron and puts her arms
around his neck and kisses him on the cheek. )
FRANNIE
I think someone is full of piss and vinegar this morning.
RON
I think some lass is full of firrrre.
(Ron tries to pinch Frannie as she moves back to the cupboards.)
FRANNIE
Oh! What, are you a pirate now?
RON
Arrrrrr, pirates have more fun you know.
(Betty enters from the hallway.)
BETTY
Good morning.
RON
Well, good morning there sunshine.
(Betty eyes her father with suspicion as she walks to the kitchen
area.)
FRANNIE
Good morning Betty, sleep well?
(Betty sees the snow out the window)
BETTY
What the…...It's snowing!
RON
Never let it be said that this family doesn't know how to state the
obvious.
BETTY
I can't believe this.
FRANNIE
Welcome to the fickleness of the wilderness.
BETTY
Lovely.
RON
It is, isn't it? You know what else is cool, besides the weather? We
are completely self sustained with a full pantry of supplies. We're
also without television or telephone. I love that. All we have is an
emergency radio, our only link to the civilized world.
BETTY
How can you call that a link? That's not a link.
RON
You're right, it serves as nothing more than a monitor. We can use it
to check and make sure civilization still exists before returning
home.
BETTY
I can't even chat with my friends.
RON
No friends, only family, what a shame. A true tragedy.
BETTY
Dad…
RON
It's good to get away from your friends once in awhile. It gives you a
chance to take a breath of fresh air and get to know yourself a
little. It affords you a respite from the rest of humdrum society and
the opportunity to reassess where you are at the moment. I mean that
in the metaphorical sense.
BETTY
Oh, I know where I am at the moment. I'm in “the wilderness” and that
is not a metaphor.
RON
What ever happened to our wilderness girl?
BETTY
She was busy building a cabin this summer and missing her friends.
RON
I know it was a lot of work, but look what we have to show for it.
BETTY
I know. It was a lot of work and I'm glad we did it. It was worth it.
There, are you happy? I still love nature and my family. But next time
I'm bringing a friend.
(Frannie as gotten a box of pancake mix out of the cupboard and Betty
poured herself a cup of coffee and heads to the couch. Joe enters with
the kindling.)
JOE
Hey, sis.
BETTY
Hey joe.
JOE
You see the snow!?
BETTY
Yes, my over enthusiastic sibling, I've seen the snow. So now what are
we going to do?
FRANNIE
Well, according to our local climate expert, this kind of weather
phenomenon is short lived this time of year. But then again he also
said that there was no way it was going to snow this early in the
year. So we'll just have to wait it out.
RON
I think I forgot to take El Nino into account, or La Nina. One of the
two, anyway.
(Ron licks his index finger and holds it up as if to check the wind.)
I'm pretty sure we'll be out of here by Monday afternoon.
BETTY
What I meant is, what are we going to do in the meantime?
RON
Well, we have plenty of food, water and firewood, so we'll eat drink,
be merry and stay warm. We have snowshoes and skis. So we can go play
in the snow. We have scrabble and books to read and our trusty
emergency radio for entertainment. You could also choose to do some
homework you know?
BETTY
That's harsh.
RON
That's the wilderness…You know one of the reasons we built this
cabin was to facilitate, perpetuate and intensify our family bond.
BETTY
You make that sound so sweet and loving dad.
RON
This will make us closer as a family. How could we possibly get any
closer than this?
JOE
The outhouse?
RON
Ahh yes, the outhouse. The one place a family member can get some
alone time if need be.
BETTY
The only time I'm going to the outhouse is when I have to and just
long enough to take care of business.
FRANNIE
If you can get to it.
BETTY
While freezing to death.
FRANNIE
And dodging bears and cougars.
BETTY
What?
RON
Don't worry sweetie, I'm bringing some bear mace next time.
JOE
It's started to snow really hard again!
BETTY
Lovely.
RON
Yes, isn't it?
FRANNIE
How about some pancakes?
RON
Sounds lovely.
FRANNIE
Dear….
RON
Sorry.
(Betty gets up and starts for the hallway.)
Where are you going?
BETTY
I'm going to do some homework. Call me when breakfast is ready.
RON
Yes, princess. Don't you worry about a thing. Your mother will slave
all day long for you.
BETTY
I thought you wanted me to do my homework?
RON
Chores come first. That is the way it is in the wilderness. Our very
survival depends upon every family member doing their share. Besides,
you've got all weekend to do your homework.
BETTY
And I hope no more than the weekend.
(Betty walks to the kitchen.)
What can I do mom?
FRANNIE
How about setting the table?
(Joe exits to get more wood.)
BETTY
Sure. I hope that will facilitate, perpetuate and insure our
survival?
RON
Everyone working in unison will insure our survival Betty.
BETTY
Okay, I got it. So what are you going to do dad?
RON
I believe my work is done here. I designed and supervised the
construction of this beautiful abode, as well as providing the lions
share of the labor and brawn. Now it's time for me to kick back and
reap the rewards of this beautiful wilderness palace.
FRANNIE
Honey….
RON
Actually, I think I'm going to go out and see about shoveling some of
that snow and making the walk to the outhouse a little more pleasant.
I'll go get dressed first.
(Ron exits the hallway.)
FRANNIE
That's my hero. He means well.
BETTY
I know. Though, sometimes his enthusiasm can wear on me a little.
FRANNIE
Like son, like father. But I know what you mean, honey. At least he's
never boring.
(Joe enters carrying an arm full of wood.)
JOE
It's really coming down out there!
BETTY
(In mock enthusiasm.)
What fun!
JOE
Whatever.
FRANNIE
Joe, you're going to have to help your father shovel a path the
outhouse.
JOE
Okay, what kind of pancakes are we having?
FRANNIE
Just plain old pancakes. I forgot to bring the frozen strawberries.
JOE
Nuts!
FRANNIE
We have those.
JOE
No thanks, I'll just have mine with plain old fashion maple syrup. I
guess I'll go start shoveling before breakfast. Tell dad I'm outside.
BETTY
Where else could you be?
JOE
I could be in the outhouse, smarty.
BETTY
That's still outside Joe. Thus the name out…house.
JOE Wow, this is going to be a fun weekend.
(Joe exits out the front door.)
FRANNIE
Honey, don't get too carried away with the martyrdom thing, okay?