Christmas Carol by T. J. Hartung

This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent

Cast of Characters

ELISA (pronounced eh-LISS-ah) SCROOGE – vicious old woman
BOB CRATCHIT – a hopeful man in his 20’s
BETH (ELISABETH) CRATCHIT – His wife, very pregnant. Down to earth.
ANNA MARLEY – Older woman.
NARRATORS/CAROLERS (NC’S) – Six (more or less at director’s discretion, see notes), Male or female, approximately the same height, wearing choir robes (NC1 thru NC6)
FRED – Scrooge’s nephew – a would-be politician
POOLE – A Salvation Army lady (or man)
GHOST OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED (GSTH) – Male or Female, Hippie type, both in garb and mannerisms.
YOUNG MAN – Late teens – early 20’s dressed as a sailor
YOUNG SCROOGE – mid to late teens
SCHOOL MASTER – (no lines) (male or female)
YOUNG MARLEY – Early 30’s
FEZZIWIG – A jolly person (male or female)
GHOST OF WHAT’S HAPPENIN’ NOW (GWHN) – Male or Female, Overzealous preacher, (think Flip Wilson’s “Reverend Leroy”)
MABEL – Middle aged woman.
GRETCHEN – Middle aged woman.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN – Middle aged, poorly dressed.
JOE – An unsavory character, dealer in “leftovers”
MAID – A char woman
FUTURE – A figure in black (no lines) (male or female)
BUSINESS PERSON #1 (male or female)
BUSINESS PERSON #2 (male or female)
BUSINESS PERSON #3 (male or female)


Scene Synopsis
(Most of this play takes place sometime in the mid to late 1960’s)
Act 1
Scene 1 – Offices of Scrooge and Marley
Scene 2 – Scrooge’s home – later that evening
Scene 3 – Scrooge’s home – 1 AM
Scene 4 – A boarding school, many years before
Scene 5 – A few years later
Scene 6 – Offices of Fezziwig Uniform Supply
Scene 7 – A few years later
Scene 8 – A few years later
Scene 9 – An apartment, a few years later
Scene 10 – Scrooges home
Act 2
Scene 1 – Scrooge’s home – 2 AM
Scene 2 – Cratchit’s apartment
Scene 3 – Fred’s Apartment
Scene 4 – Scrooge’s home & a graveyard – 3 AM
Scene 5 – A restaurant
Scene 6 – A street corner
Scene 7 – A fearful place
Scene 8 – Scrooge’s home – Morning
Scene 9 – Fred’s Apartment


Act 1 - Scene 1 - Offices of Scrooge and Marley

(Minimal set. A large desk, a smaller desk, several chairs and a few boxes are set on SR.)
(As the house lights dim, the CAROLERS wend their way to the front of the stage singing.)
NCs: “It came upon the midnight clear,
That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth,
To touch their harps of gold:
Peace on the earth, good will to men,
From heaven's all-gracious King.
The world in solemn stillness lay,
To hear the angels sing!”

(The carolers stand shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking the scene of Scrooge’s office behind
them. They will do this several times to allow entrances/exits and scene changes.)

NC1: This, … is a ghost story.
NC3: To begin with…
NC5: Marley was dead.
NC4: Dead as a door nail.
NC2: Marley was dead. There was no doubt whatsoever about that.
NC6: (Jumping in excitedly.) Old Marley was dead as a door-nail. I don’t mean to say that I know what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined to regard a coffin nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and we shall not disturb it. You will therefore permit me to repeat: Marley was dead…as dead as a door-nail.
(NC5 has been growing more and more irritated during this speech. At the end of it, she slaps him lightly in the arm as if to say, “get back on track!”)
NC3: Who was Marley, you might ask.
NC4: She was the business partner of Elisa Scrooge.
NC2: What did she die of?
NC5: No one knows.
NC4: They just knew she was dead.
NC6: Dead at the beginning of the story? We’ve just started.
NC2: There is no doubt that Marley was dead, however. . .
NC5: (Interrupts her hurriedly.) The register of her burial was signed by the clergyman,
NC6: the clerk,
NC1: the undertaker,
NC4: her sole friend,
NC3: and sole mourner.
NC6: Her sole mourner? The only one at the funeral?
NC1: Yes. She was all alone.
NC6: That’s awfully depressing. Can’t we say there was a small gathering, a few family and friends.
NC3: Scrooge was the sole mourner.
NC6: All righty then.
NC3: Scrooge signed the register of her burial.
NC5: And even Scrooge was not dreadfully saddened by the event, but she was an excellent woman of business on the day of the funeral, and solemnized it with a bargain.
NC4: (Aside to audience.) She bought cheap flowers.
NC2: And a cheap casket!
NC1: The mention of Marley’s funeral brings me back to the point I started from.
NC5: Are we all agreed?
(All the NC’S nod.)
ALL: Marley was dead.
NC1: Scrooge never painted out old Marley’s name. There it stood, years afterward, above the door; Scrooge and Marley. The firm was known as Scrooge and Marley.
NC3: Sometimes people new to the business called Scrooge ‘Scrooge,’ and sometimes ‘Marley,’ but she answered to both names. It was all the same to her.
NC6: What was she like?
NC3: What was she like? She was dead!
NC6: No! Not Marley! Scrooge.
NC4: Elisa? Elisa Scrooge? What was she like, did you say?
NC6: Yes!
NC4: She was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone!
NC2: A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner!
NC4: Secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster.
NC5: No warmth could warm her, no wintry weather could chill her.
NC3: No wind that blew was bitterer than her.
NC1: Her eyes were red, her thin lips blue; and she spoke shrewdly in a grating voice.
NC2: Cold, cold, cold.
NC4: And everybody knew it.
NC1: The coldness that she carried inside her heart didn’t thaw one degree. . . even at Christmas.
NC3: Nobody ever stopped her on the street to say, with a smile, “My dear Miss Scrooge, how are you? When will you come to see me?”
NC5: No beggars implored her to bestow a trifle.
NC2: No children asked her what it was time.
NC4: No man or woman ever once asked directions to some place. But what did Scrooge care! It was the very thing she liked. To edge her way along the crowded paths of life, warning all human sympathy to keep its distance.
NC3: Elisa Scrooge was her name. A more wicked and cruel woman never did live.
NC6: Unless it was that old Marley.
NC4: Didn’t we tell you?
NC6: Tell me what?
ALL: (Except NC6.) Marley is dead.
(Blackout.)
(In the darkness.)
NCs: “It came upon the midnight clear
That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth,
To touch their harps of gold:”
(Lights up.)
NC3: Now we begin the story proper.
NC4: What have we been doing prior to the story proper?
NC3: Expository exposition comes prior to the story proper.
NC4: Proceed.
NC3: It was cold, bleak, biting weather.
NC5: The darkness thickened
NC6: The rain
NC4: and snow
NC5: and hail
NC2: and sleet
NC4: The fog came pouring in at every chink and keyhole.
NC6: It was so dense the buildings across the street were mere phantoms.
NC1: One might have thought that Nature was brewing something sinister.
(Pause)
NC2: It was on a night such as this, on Christmas Eve . . . old Scrooge sat busy at her desk.
NC3: She could hear the people in the street outside, trodding up and down, beating their hands on their chests, and stamping their feet on the pavement to keep warm.
NC5: The city clocks had only just struck three, but it was quite dark already.
(The NCs move to SL, revealing Scrooge’s office and Cratchit at his smaller desk.)
FRED: (Sticking his head thru the door.) A Merry Christmas, all! God save you!
NC3: It was the voice of Scrooge’s nephew, Fred.
(FRED enters and moves to him.)
FRED: Merry Christmas, Bob Cratchit!
CRATCHIT: Merry Christmas, Mr. Fred! And a most happy New Year!
FRED: Why thank you Bob. And how is that splendid family of yours?
CRATCHIT: Oh very well indeed sir. Why just yesterday. . .
SCROOGE: (Entering – Taking a dominant stance) What the Dickens is going on here! (beat) Cratchit, if I have to speak to you one more time about your lack of diligence, you’ll keep your Christmas by losing your job!
(An awkward moment as CRATCHIT is ashamed and FRED is ashamed for him.)
CRATCHIT: Yes ma’am. I’m quite sorry Ms Scrooge.
FRED: A merry Christmas auntie! God save you!
SCROOGE: BAH! Humbug!
FRED: Christmas a humbug auntie?! You don’t mean that, I’m sure!
SCROOGE: I do. Merry Christmas? What right do you have to be merry? You’re poor enough.
FRED: Come then, what right do you have to be dismal? You’re rich enough!
SCROOGE: Humbug!
FRED: Don’t be cross auntie.
SCROOGE: What else can I be when I live in a world full of fools? Merry Christmas? Humbug! What’s Christmastime, but a time for paying bills you have no money for; a time to find yourself a year older and not one day richer. If I could have my way, every idiot who goes around shouting “Merry Christmas” would be boiled in oil and buried with a stake of holly shoved up his . . . .
FRED: (Sternly) Auntie!
SCROOGE: Nephew! Keep Christmas in your own way and let me keep it in mine.
FRED: Keep it? But you don’t keep it!
SCROOGE: Then let me leave it alone! How much good has it had ever done you!
FRED: I have always thought of Christmastime as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time. The only time I know of when men and women open their hearts freely. And therefore, Auntie, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good. And I say God bless it!
SCROOGE: You’re quite a powerful speaker, sir. You should run for government office.
FRED: Don’t be angry auntie. Come! Dine with us tomorrow!
SCROOGE: (Venomously) Dine with you? I’ll see you in hell first!
FRED: (Shocked) But why? Why?!
SCROOGE: You married, sir, against my wishes. You married a girl with no dowry. I see no reason to bless a marriage of which I do not approve.
FRED: But auntie, we fell in love!
SCROOGE: (Total disgust) LOVE! You fell in love?! Good afternoon sir.
FRED: (Really wanting to know why his aunt hates him) You never came to see me before we married. Why give it as a reason for not coming now!?
SCROOGE: Good afternoon nephew.
FRED: I want nothing from you. I ask nothing of you. Why can’t we be friends?
SCROOGE: Good afternoon nephew!
(In the background, we start to hear a brass band playing Christmas music outside. It continues while POOLE is on stage.)
FRED: I’m sorry to find you so resolute. We have never had any quarrel to which I have been a party. But I have made this journey in homage to Christmas, and I’ll keep my Christmas humor to the last. So, a merry Christmas auntie!
SCROOGE: (loudly) GOOD AFTERNOON NEPHEW!
(Exit FRED as POOLE enters.)
POOLE: (To SCROOGE) Scrooge and Marley’s, is that right? Have I the pleasure of addressing Ms. Scrooge or Ms. Marley?
SCROOGE: Ms. Marley is dead. She died seven years ago this very night.
POOLE: My most humble condolences. I’m Emily Poole with the Salvation Army . . . .
SCROOGE: This is a place of business, if you have some, please conduct it. If not, please leave.
POOLE: Yes, of course. At this festive season of the year, Ms. Scrooge, it is highly desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessities; hundreds of thousands are in want of simple comforts.
SCROOGE: Yes, everyone wants something, don’t they? Well, then they should get a job like the rest of us!
POOLE: There just aren’t enough jobs to go around. People shouldn’t go hungry during this season. . .
SCROOGE: What about soup kitchens, and homeless shelters and all the other fine establishments paid for by my taxes! I hear they serve a nice dinner in prison!
POOLE: With all due respect, these men and women are too proud to ask, I mean, I think they are likely to die, before asking for charity. . .
SCROOGE: If they’re likely to die, they should do it, and decrease the surplus population!
POOLE: A few of us are endeavoring to raise a fund to buy the poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. What shall I put you down for?
SCROOGE: Nothing.
POOLE: You wish to remain anonymous?
SCROOGE: I wish to be left alone! Since you ask me what I wish, that is my answer. I don’t make merry myself at Christmas and I can’t afford to make idle people merry. I am forced to pay taxes to support the establishments I have mentioned. Those who are badly off must go there.
POOLE: But surely you do not mean…
SCROOGE: IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS! It is enough for a woman to understand her own business, and not to interfere with other peoples! Mine occupies me constantly. Good afternoon Madam! (She glares at her.)
(Exit POOLE as CRATCHIT puts away papers and moves to SCROOGE.)
(The brass band music fades over the next few lines.)
CRATCHIT: Ms. Scrooge.
(SCROOGE ignores him.)
CRATCHIT: Ms. Scrooge.
SCROOGE: What?
CRATCHIT: About tomorrow Ma’am?
SCROOGE: Yes?
CRATCHIT: It’s Christmas Day Ma’am.
(Pause.)
SCROOGE: (Bitterly) You’ll want the whole day off, I suppose?
CRATCHIT: If it’s quite convenient Ma’am.
SCROOGE: It’s not convenient! And it’s not fair! I’m supposed to pay a day’s wage for no work. A poor excuse for picking a woman’s pocket every twenty-fifth of December!
CRATCHIT: (meekly) It’s only once a year Ma’am.
SCROOGE: (Attacking at once) It’s still a poor excuse. (Pause) If you must have the whole day, be here early the following morning!
CRATCHIT: Yes Ma’am. Thank you very much Ma’am. (As he begins to leave) And a very merry Christma. . . (He exits)
SCROOGE: BAH! Humbug!
(Lights fade to dim)
NCs: “Angels we have heard on high
Sweetly singing o'er the plain
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strain

Gloria
In excellsis deo
Gloria
In excellsis deo