For a Day by Robert Dodge
FOR A DAY - starting at Page 10 of the First Act
SCOOTER: Magen's not your wife.
NATHAN: I know. You know. But Mr. Weathers doesn't know. He is
under the impression that Magen is my wife and he wants to meet her.
SCOOTER: Why would Mr. Weathers have the impression that Magen is
your wife?
NATHAN: Well, I sort of gave him that impression, when I told him
Magen was my wife.
SCOOTER: What!
NATHAN: Happily married for the last two years.
SCOOTER: Why would you tell him, you and Magen are married?
NATHAN: I had to say it. I was in a pinch and had to say something.
Mike and Steve were telling Mr. Weathers all these nice wholesome
stories about their families.
[Sarcastically speaking as Mike and Steve]
My wife makes the best apple pie You should taste my wife's peach
cobbler My little Johnny is so smart, he placed first at the
science fair My beautiful daughter, Squeeny is growing up to be
just like her mother.
SCOOTER: Squeeny?
NATHAN: I don't know. It may have been Squeezy or tweedy or beany,
something like that. Made me sick! I couldn't stand it! I had to
speak up.
SCOOTER: Sounds like you did.
[Enter Megan, she is takes off her coat and hangs it on the hook by
the door. She is still wearing her 1950's Department Sales girl
dress. Google it]
MAGEN: Hello guys, I got your message. Sorry I'm late Nathan.
What a busy day I had. Freedmen's was packed with shoppers. Then,
just before I was getting ready to leave, we had another perfume
emergency at the fragrance counter.
SCOOTER: Another perfume emergency? This smells of something foul.
Exactly how many perfume emergencies are there. Do you count them by
the day, week or month? What exactly is a perfume emergency anyway?
MAGEN: We sold out of, "Vert et Blanc" by Carven. Our number one
best customer wanted a bottle. The girls didn't know what to do.
SCOOTER: So, you had to step in. What did you do?
MAGEN: I've learned a long time ago that if you don't have what
the customer wants, you sell them what you've got. So, I showed her
our newest fragrance, "Enchanting Menace", by Evyan. I convinced
her it was as fragrant as the names implies. I'm not sure if she
wanted to be enchanting or a menace or both. It was a hard sale, but
she bought it. To be honest with you, it kind of stinks. Smelly in
an odd way. It's definitely a scent one has to acquire. The trick
is to use it sparingly as a little goes a long way. I had to convince
the customer that it's the newest trend in perfumes and she should
be the first of her friends to get a bottle.
SCOOTER: Megan to the rescue. Another perfume emergency solved!
MAGEN: Nathan, you wanted to ask me something?
NATHAN: Yes Megan, there is something I want to ask of you. Scooter
would you mind?
SCOOTER: Mind what?
NATHAN: Would you leave?
SCOOTER: No, Nate. I think I'll stay. I have to see this.
MAGEN: It's alright Scooter you can stay. Go ahead Nathan, is
there something you want to ask me?
SCOOTER: Yes Nathen. Is there something you want to ask her?
NATHAN: Stay out of this Scooter.
SCOOTER: Shouldn't you be down on your knees?
MAGEN: [Excited with her hand on her chest]
Nathan! Are you going to ask me what I think you are going to ask
me?
SCOOTER: Are you Nate? Are you going to ask her what she thinks you
are going to ask her?
MAGEN
Scooter, perhaps you should leave us alone.
SCOOTER: Wait for it.
NATHAN: No! I don't know not now Magen. Maybe someday.
MAGEN: Someday?
SCOOTER: [Abruptly interrupts and shouts] He wants you to be his
wife for a day!
MEGAN: What!
SCOOTER: [Speaks louder as if Magen didn't hear him] A day!
Nathan wants you to be his wife for a day.
NATHAN: Magen, let's sit down and talk.
[Nathan takes Magen by the hand and leads her to the couch. They sit
down. Scooter also takes a seat on the other side of Magen. Magen is
speechless and she hasn't taken it all in yet]
Magen, this is very important to me.
SCOOTER: This is important to Nate!
NATHAN: Scooter! You know I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't.
SCOOTER: He would never ask you if it wasn't so important Magen!
NATHAN: Stay out of this Scooter! Magen, would you help me
impress my boss by being my wife for a day?
SCOOTER: Impress
[As Scooter starts to repeat Nathan's last line, Magen holds up one
finger to signal him to stop.]
MAGEN: [Wanting to clarify the question for a better understanding]
Do you mean, like that awful, horrible, demeaning to woman T V game
show? Queen for a Day?
NATHAN: Yes, like Queen for a Day. Only, you'll be "my" Queen
for a Day. Wait, what?
MAGEN: Will I win a new vacuum cleaner or washing machine?
NATHAN: No, it's not like that. I need your help to impress my
boss so I can get a promotion.
MAGEN: Is your boss going to give me a new vacuum cleaner or washing
machine?
NATHAN: Nobody is getting a vacuum cleaner or washing machine. Magen
I'm asking you to help me impress my boss, Mr. Weathers and his
wife, be my wife for a day and prepare a home cooked meal.
MAGEN: A home cooked meal?
SCOOTER: I offered to make beans and wienies, but Nathan said no.
MAGEN: So where does that wife for a day work into all this?
NATHAN: You may not believe this, but Mr. Weathers thinks you and I
are married. Isn't that silly?
[Megan stands up, Nathan follows]
MAGEN: Why does Mr. Weathers think you and I are married Nathan?
SCOOTER: [Scooter jumps up] Because Nathan told him!
MAGEN: Stay out of this Scott!
SCOOTER: This is getting serious Nate. She only calls me Scott when
she's mad. Tread carefully my friend.
MAGEN: You told your boss that you and I are married?
SCOOTER: Happily married, for two blissful years!
MAGEN: Why? Why would you say that?
NATHAN: Because I love you??
MAGEN: How could you!
NATHAN: I wasn't quick enough to think of anything else??
SCOOTER: And he couldn't take any more talk about Squeeny. He had
to say something.
MAGEN: Scott!
SCOOTER: Yes mam.
MAGEN: Nathan, if you really loved me, you would ask me to marry you,
not be your Wife for the day! Only a day! What's wrong with you?
SCOOTER: Yes Nathan, what's wrong with you?
NATHAN: I'm weak Magen. I felt pressured. I need your help to
impress my boss. You can be very impressive when you want to be.
MAGEN: It's all about you impressing your boss for a promotion?
SCOOTER: Over a nice home cooked meal of fried chicken, mashed
potatoes and peas. Made by you, Nate's pretend wife for the day.
NATHAN: Scooter!
SCOOTER: Well, it doesn't have to be fried chicken.
NATHAN: Scooter!! Please!
SCOOTER: I haven't even mentioned the biscuits or the apple pie.
MAGEN: Are you ever going to ask me to marry you?
[Nathan pauses while thinking about the question]
O.K. forget it Nathan. I think you should take that offer of beans
and wienies, because I've had enough. Two years I've hung around
with the hope that we would marry. I see now, it's not part of your
plan. So foolish of me. How about if I impress you by leaving.
[Magen quickly crosses to the door. Placing one hand on the door she
stops and turns to Nathan]
Two years! The things I've had to endure, like [Magen points at
Scooter] Putting up with that! And what do I have to show for it?
Nothing! Just a big waste of my time. After I cool off, I'll come
back to pick up my things. Good bye Nathan!
SCOOTER: Bye Magen.
MAGEN: Oh, shut up Scott!
[Exit Magen. After a pause, Nathan and Scooter sit back down on the
couch. They both stare straight out not looking at each other. They
take turns sighing. First Nathan then Scooter each time getting a
little louder until Nathen's next line. Nathen stands]
NATHAN: What am I going to do? I don't want to lose Magen, but
I'm not ready to get married. I'm too young for marriage. I'm
only twenty-three years old.
SCOOTER: Most men today, get married at twenty-three. Next year
you'll be considered an old man.
NATHAN: An old man!
SCOOTER: Better than an old maid.
NATHAN: Magen's not an old maid. She's twenty-one. That's
still young. We've got plenty of time to get married.
SCOOTER: Nate, think of Magen as Donna Reed. She greets you at the
door with a kiss. She's wearing a beautiful pressed and clean
dress. She has a martini in one hand, a newspaper in the other and a
pre-lit cigar in her other hand.
NATHAN: Magen is not Donna Reed! I don't drink martini's. I
don't smoke cigars and Megan does not have three hands.
SCOOTER: True, but wouldn't it be great! Dinner on the table each
night when you get home from a hard day's work. Meatloaf Mondays!
Spaghetti Tuesdays. Tuna casserole Wednesdays. Mac and Cheese
Thurs
NATHAN: I got the idea. You can stop.
SCOOTER: Steak and potatoes Friday. Chili and cornbread Saturday
NATHAN: Please stop.
SCOOTER: Wait, this is the best part. Fried chicken Sundays!
NATHAN: I said you can stop!
SCOOTER: You'll invite me over every Sunday for dinner!
NATHAN: Has anyone ever told you, that you are an idiot!
SCOOTER: Sure, there was you, Magen and many others. Oh! What about
Barbara Billingsley?
NATHAN: Who?
SCOOTER: She plays June Cleaver on "Leave it to Beaver."
NATHAN: June Cleaver called you an idiot?
SCOOTER: No, not yet.
NATHAN: In all fairness she hasn't met you.
SCOOTER: June Cleaver is another good example of what you can expect
if you were to marry Magen.
NATHAN: Are you basing all your examples of marriage on television
sitcom mothers?
SCOOTER: Of-course! It's real life. The television doesn't lie!
They're not just mothers, they're also wives. I haven't even
mentioned, "Ozzie and Harriet," "Father Knows Best" or "I
Love Lucy." That Lucy always makes me laugh. She sure gets into
some fun and amusing predicaments.
NATHAN: I do love Magen.
SCOOTER: And I Love Lucy!
NATHAN: I'm sure Magen will make a good wife. I'll think about
it. Me and Magen getting married someday, maybe. But right now,
I'm thinking about this promotion. First things first! Take care
of business as my dad would say. Work hard and be successful. I
don't want to lose this promotion. It includes more
responsibilities, a secretary and a twenty dollar a month raise.
SCOOTER [Scooter stands] Don't worry Nate, you'll never lose me!
I'm here for you buddy.
NATHAN: Oh, shut up Scott!
SCOOTER: Wait! I have a plan.
NATHAN: Oh no.
SCOOTER: Has Mr. Weathers or his wife ever met Magen?
NATHAN: No
SCOOTER: That's good. I have a friend who I'm sure would play
the role of your wife for the night.
NATHAN: O.K Who is this friend?
SCOOTER: Her name is Lola.
NATHAN: Lola?
SCOOTER
Yes, Lola. She's a good friend of mine.
NATHAN: I know all of your friends. I've never met a Lola.
SCOOTER: Lola is my private friend. You've never met her.
NATHAN [Nathan stands] A prostitute! You want a prostitute to play
the role of my wife and meet my boss?
[End of Extract]