For Services to the Community by Ken Methold
CAST (Provisional)
Radio Interviewer: (Ken)
Frank Thomas - a car dealer and Shire Council chairman
George Bates - a real estate agent and Shire councillor, Milford
Harry Binns - a newsagent and Shire Councillor, Milford
Amelia Crush - a romantic novelist and Shire Councillor, Budley
Herbert Winters - librarian of Budley Soldiers' Institute Library
Millie - a bag lady
Edna Thrimble - chairperson of the Keep Budley Pure Committee
Elsie Woodmarsh - poet and librarian of Milford Public Library
Joanna Holmsley - a library consultant
Clare Strong - an ABC reporter
Kylie Gordon - a pollster
The stage is divided into three sections. S.R. is part of Budley
Library and a notice to this effect is visible. There is a table, two
chairs, a bookcase and a magazine rack. S.L. is part of Milford
Library and a notice to this effect is visible. There is a table, two
chairs and a bookcase.
Centre stage is part of the Committee Room of the Redlands Shire
Council offices. There is a table and four chairs, all facing the
audience.
The action moves fro one part of the stage to another without pause
between the scenes. A spotlight should illuminate each section as it
is used, leaving the rest of the stage in darkness.
SCENE 1
AC: Well, it rather depends what name I'm writing under. In my novels
written as Lavinia Trent, there's very little sex. I concentrate more
on trembling and blushing. And, of course, their hands touch a lot,
just lightly, you know, and thrills run down their spines.
RI: Down?
AC: Oh definitely down. Other things run up spines. Thrills run down
them.
RI: What about your novels under other names?
AC: My Virginia Masters novels are a little raunchier. But the
men are always a delicious combination of the macho and the caring
and sensitive. And there are still pages and pages of foreplay.
RI: Why did you choose the name 'Virginia Masters'?
AC: My publisher chose it. 'Virginia' suggests a virgin, of course,
and 'Masters' suggests a masterful man. The two words together have
strong erotic connotations.
RI: Isn't that rather cynical?
AC: I don't know about cynical. It's good marketing. The point is,
that women need romance the way they need cosmetics or chocolate.
Romantic fiction is a product like any other. It is carefully created
to meet a need,
RI: Like cheesecake for men. Playboy, Penthouse, that sort of
thing.
AC: Yes, but whereas men are turned on by what they see- the
visual stimuli of a woman's body - women are turned on more by words.
A beautiful voice in a man and a way with words is for more important
to a woman than a….well, you know what I mean.
RI: I think so. And that's a great relief to me that we don't have
to spell it out.. But why did you take up romance writing?.
AC: I wanted to make a difference to women's I used to write
cookbooks, but the cholesterol scare rather put paid to my particular
style of cooking, so I had to find something else
RI: Are they difficult to write?
AC: To be honest, yes. The publishers issue very strict guidelines.
If you don't conform to these guidelines you've got no chance of being
published. And you have to be very sincere. Sincerity is everything.
RI: You mean you have to believe in the emotional truth of what
you're writing.
AC: I mean you have to believe totally that the publisher knows
what she's doing. You must have complete faith in your publisher. I
meet so many women who've tried to write romantic fiction but failed
because their work has been too individual. They've thought they knew
better than the publisher. Believe me, the last thing a romance
publisher wants is for her writers to break new ground and have ideas
of their own.
RI: I assume these guidelines are based on what readers want to
read.
AC: Exactly. And there are different guidelines for different
kinds of novels. The publishers use different imprints for different kinds of books.
For example, Cupid Books are virtually sex-free. The sister imprint Eros Romances,
however, requires sex up to but not beyond Chapter 14 and in Regina Books no
holds are barred so speak in Chapters 4, 8, 9, 14 and 22. Actually, I'm writing a title
for Regina Books now.
RI: Really? What's it called?
AC: Fifty Shades of Red, White and Blue.
RI: How appropriate. As one of Australia's - even the world's most
successful writers of romance - what advice have you got for budding
authors.
AC: Never write from your own experience. It will almost certainly
have been disappointing. Write from what you wish your experience had
been. A really capable novelists, you now, can alter the way people behave.
They can create their own realities. This is especially true of
romantic fiction which is, as I said earlier, far more satisfying than
the real thing can ever be. I mean, when you think of most of the men
women are living with, it has to be, doesn't it?
RI: I wouldn't know. Any other advice for writers?
AC: Don't worry about plot. All the plots are the same. Woman meets
man. Man and woman detest one another because of misunderstandings.
Man and woman find out the truth about one another and fall in love.
The only thing that changes is the setting and the names of the
characters. And it's most important that not a lot happens. Too much
action interferes with the emotional content. It's the woman's
feelings that are important, and only her feelings. No one else's.
RI: What about the characters themselves? Do they change from novel
to novel?
AC: Not substantially. The woman is always young, sensitive and
beautiful. The man is mature, handsome, successful and dominating. Oh,
yes, writers should never think even for a moment that they should
write about people they know - supermarket checkout girls or plumbers,
for example. No one wants to read about them. Your characters must all
have glamourous occupations. Also, although love conquers all, the man
is always financially well off or likely to become so. No one's interested in
poverty. There's enough of that outside of fiction.
RI: Do you think romantic fiction is in anyway harmful.
AC: My dear, it's never done me any harm. But we have a crises in
the Shire.
RI: Oh? In what way.
AC: There is a plot to shut down the Budley and Milford Libraries.
R: Oh?
AC: Oh, yes, I don't know what Councilors Thomas and Bates are up
to, but you can be sure it's underhand. I am deeply concerned that
if the libraries close many of the less affluent, elderly female
residents of our beautiful shire will be denied the rich emotional
experience they now experience, free of charge, from my books.
RI Ah! Sales to public libraries are important to you.
AC: My goodness, yes.
RI Amelia, thank you very much. It's been a pleasure talking to
you.
(She stands and exits. He gathers up the equipment and exits).
[end of extract]