It Came From Outer Space And Now It Won't Go Back by John Trent
ACT ONE
SCENE 1
(Sound Cue 1: 1950s science fiction movie. Music begins to fade.
Lights come up. It is nighttime. The scene opens with an old beat up
car sitting at the top of a hill. A young couple is sitting in the car
making out. There is a sign that says "MONTANA STATE PARK" Sound
Cue 2: "Peggy Sue" by Buddy Holly.)
BLONDE CHICK: I love you, Studly.
STUDLY: I know.
BLONDE CHICK: (Pulls away from STUDLY) Is that all you can say?
STUDLY: (Tries to kiss BLONDE CHICK some more) Yeah.
BLONDE CHICK: Don't you love me too?
STUDLY: Of course I do.
BLONDE CHICK: Well, why can't you say it?
STUDLY: I love you Peggy Sue. (Goes back to kissing BLONDE CHICK)
BLONDE CHICK: My name is not Peggy Sue.
STUDLY: Oh, sorry.
BLONDE CHICK: If you don't know my name maybe we should just go
home.
STUDLY: I'm sorry Blonde Chick.
BLONDE CHICK: There that's better. (Goes back to kissing STUDLY) I
love you Studly.
STUDLY: I love you, Blonde Chick.
(Sound Cue 3: Flying Saucer sound. A pie pan made to look like a
flying saucer begins flying around. It is attached to a string. You
can see the hand of the SPECIAL EFFECTS GUY holding the stick that the
string is attached to. Sound stops and flying saucer is gone.)
BLONDE CHICK: Studly, did you hear that?
STUDLY: I didn't' hear anything, but me saying I love you. (With
arrogance) And my voice makes a pretty good sound.
BLONDE CHICK: No. Not that. I heard something outside the car. It
sounded like this. (Does poor job of imitating flying saucer)
STUDLY: Maybe it was a cat getting run over by a car. Happens all the
time up here.
BLONDE CHICK: I guess you're right. Maybe it was.
They go back to kissing. Sound Cue 4: Flying Saucer. Flying saucer
appears again
BLONDE CHICK: Studly. There it is again.
STUDLY: I hear it this time. I wonder what that is. Let's check it
out.
They both get out of the car. The flying saucer exits and sound
stops.
BLONDE CHICK: I don't see anything.
STUDLY: I don't either.
BLONDE CHICK: Maybe we shouldn't stay here Studly. I'm getting
scared.
STUDLY: Scared of what?
BLONDE CHICK: It could be aliens. You hear a lot of stories about
aliens here in Arizona.
STUDLY: You hear about them here in Nevada as well.
(Sound Cue 5: Flying Saucer. Flying Saucer appears again. BLONDE CHICK
Spots Flying Saucer)
BLONDE CHICK: Studly!! Look!!
STUDLY: Wow!! Look at that.
BLONDE CHICK: Is that what I think it is?
STUDLY: No. It's not a pie pan. I think it's a flying saucer.
BLONDE CHICK: You're right. I wonder what it's doing here in
Nevada.
STUDLY: We are in New Mexico.
BLONDE CHICK: Oh. I thought it was Nevada.
STUDLY: Same thing I guess. There is not much to do in either place
but look for aliens and make out with me.
Sound Cue stops and flying saucer exits
BLONDE CHICK: Look. It's going away.
STUDLY: I wonder where it's going.
BLONDE CHICK: Somewhere over there I think.
STUDLY: Let's see if we can follow it.
(They run over to where the flying saucer went and exit. Sound Cue 6:
Flying Saucer. Flying Saucer appears. STUDLY and BLONDE CHICK enter)
STUDLY: It's over there. Come on. Hurry up.
BLONDE CHICK: Maybe we shouldn't chase after it.
STUDLY: Why not?
BLONDE CHICK: It might be some kind of trap.
STUDLY: No. It's not a trap. It's a flying saucer.
BLONDE CHICK: I really don't think this is a good idea.
STUDLY: (Flying Saucer Exits. Sound stops. STUDLY runs to where flying
saucer exits). Now it's gone. We may never find it again.
BLONDE CHICK: Where do you think it went?
STUDLY: (Points to the direction the flying saucer went) I think it
went that way.
BLONDE CHICK: Well, don't get mad at me. I was only asking.
STUDLY: I wonder why intelligent life from another planet would come
here.
BLONDE CHICK: How do you know they are intelligent?
STUDLY: Why wouldn't they be? They came all the way from some far
away planet and end up here in Nevada. No one stupid would come here.
BLOND CHICK: (Matter of fact like) That's not true. People from
Washington D.C. come here all the time.
STUDLY: Be quiet for a moment.
Pause. Sound Cue 7: Insects Crawling
STUDLY: Do you hear that?
BLONDE CHICK: What do you think it is?
STUDLY: Some kind of noise.
BLONDE CHICK: That can't be good Studly. What should we do?
STUDLY: Let's find out what it is.
BLONDE CHICK: (Sees something by where flying saucer went. She
screams) Look!!!! Over there!!!
STUDLY: Oh no!!!
BLONDE CHICK: What is it?
STUDLY: It's "them".
BLONDE CHICK: They? Who's they?
STUDLY: Not they. "Them"! Ants. We don't have those kinds of
ants in New Mexico.
BLONDE CHICK: What kind of ants do we have?
STUDLY: We have regular ants.
BLONDE CHICK: What kind are those?
STUDLY: The not regular ones.
BLONDE CHICK: Oh no!! What should we do Studly?
STUDLY: There is only one thing we can do.
BLONDE CHICK: What is that?
(STUDLY takes BLONDE CHICK by shoulders, turns her towards him. He
slaps her. SPECIAL EFFECTS GUY hides behind a rock or something with a
large fan pointed towards STUDLY and BLONDE CHICK)
STUDLY: You need to get a hold of yourself. We must protect the world
from this alien invasion. We must stop 'them' before more of
'them' come. It's up to you and me.
BLONDE CHICK: (Very melodramatic) How can we do that Studly?
(Sound Cue 8: "Tea For Two". STUDLY and BLONDE CHICK do a tap
dance number to kill the ants.)
BLONDE CHICK: Do you think we got them all?
STUDLY: I'm not sure.
BLONDE CHICK: I hope so. I don't really want to dance anymore.
Especially in these shoes.
(Sound Cue 9: People Screaming. STUDLY Looks down hill)
STUDLY: Oh no! There are people screaming down there.
BLONDE CHICK: What's going on, Studly?
STUDLY: There are people screaming down there.
BLONDE CHICK: Maybe we should go help them.
STUDLY: You're right.
(Sound Cue Stops)
BLONDE CHICK: But how can we help them?
STUDLY: By coming up with a plan that will help them.
BLONDE CHICK: But there are only two of us. What can we do?
STUDLY: We need to get someone to help us. And I know just the ones to
get.
(Sound Cue 10: Owl Hooting)
STUDLY: I will tell you who. The 1952 Nevada State High School
football champs. They went undefeated two games in a row. I'm sure
they can help us and they will be undefeated this time.
BLONDE CHICK: Wow! Famous people. How do you know them?
STUDLY: I know them from the malt shop. They hang out down there all
the time.
BLONDE CHICK: Are you sure they can help? Maybe they have a football
game tonight. It is Friday night.
STUDLY: I don't think so.
BLONDE CHICK: Oh. I thought it was Friday night.
STUDLY: No. The season's over.
BLONDE CHICK: Well let's go find them.
STUDLY: There is no need to go look for them.
BLONDE CHICK: Why?
STUDLY: They're right there.
(BUSTER, SLICK and JUGHEAD enter. They are dressed in worn out
football uniforms. They also look like they could have been in high
school for an extra ten years)
BLONDE CHICK: They got here fast.
STUDLY: You boys got here fast.
BUSTER: We got here as fast as we could.
SLICK: Where are the aliens? I'm ready to rumble.
JUGHEAD: Uh
STUDLY: (Interrupts JUGHEAD) Hey, Buster, Slick, Jughead. Where is the
rest of the team? Aren't they coming?
BUSTER: They had to get home before curfew.
SLICK: They said they would join up later.
JUGHEAD: We
STUDLY: (Interrupts JUGHEAD) That's ok. We can still do it.
BUSTER: So, what do these aliens look like?
STUDLY: Well Buster, I'm guessing they can take the shape of
anything they want to.
SLICK: How do you know that?
STUDLY: Well, me and Blonde Chick over there already saw them take on
the form of ants.
JUGHEAD: But
STUDLY: (Interrupts JUGHEAD) So we don't know what they look like
now. They could be anything. They could look like one of us.
(Sound Cue 11: "Wake Up Little Susie" by the Everly Brothers)
BUSTER: They could be one of us.
STUDLY: How could they be one of us? None of us is smart enough to be
intelligent life from another planet.
SLICK: Maybe they are so smart, they know how to act dumb and make us
think they are really smart, but they are not.
STUDLY: Good thinking, Slick.
JUGHEAD: Maybe
STUDLY: (Interrupts JUGHEAD) No matter what, we can't take any
chances. We need to watch each other's backs.
(They all look at each other's backs for a moment)
BLONDE CHICK: Guys.
STUDLY: What is it Susie?
BLONDE CHICK: That's not my name.
STUDLY: Sorry Blonde Chick.
BLONDE CHICK: That's better.
STUDLY: So, what do you need?
BLONDE CHICK: Look at the cute spider I found. (Points over to a giant
spider. The spider is cute and has a friendly smile on it. SPECIAL
EFFECTS GUY is laying down trying not to be seen. Spider is being
moved around by the SPCEICAL EFFECTS GUY)
BUSTER: Oh, look at the cute little guy.
SLICK: It looks like my Aunt Mable.
JUGHEAD: Uh
STUDLY: (Interrupts JUGHEAD) We don't have time to look at spiders.
We need to figure out how we are going to stop this alien invasion.
(BLONDE CHICK goes over and starts petting the giant spider)
BUSTER: Ok. What do we need to do?
STUDLY: We need to stop this alien invasion.
SLICK: So, what is your plan?
STUDLY: That's a good idea Slick. We need a plan. Any ideas anyone?
JUGHEAD: I
STUDLY: (Interrupts JUGHEAD) Well, since none of you have one, I do.
BUSTER: What is it?
STUDLY: It's a plan.
SLICK: Well what is it?
STUDLY: A plan is a proposed or tentative project or course of action.
But that is not important right now.
JUGHEAD: Uh
STUDLY: (Interrupts JUGHEAD) There is a supply of weapons at the
little church on Fifth Street. We can break in and get them. That way
we will be armed and ready when we find the Aliens.
BUSTER: You mean shoot them?
SLICK: That is a good plan.
JUGHEAD: But
STUDLY: (Interrupts JUGHEAD) This is the only option we have. Listen
to all those people down there. They are screaming for their lives.
(Sound Cue 12: People Screaming) We are the only ones that can save
them.
(Sound Cue 13: "Maybelline" by Chuck Berry. The giant spider has
now changed to a mean looking spider. Spider has attacked BLONDE
CHICK. BLONDE CHICK panics and tries to get the spider off of her. The
guys don't see what is happening)
BLONDE CHICK: Guys!
STUDLY: We will have to take the aliens by surprise.
BUSTER: Where should we look for them at?
BLONDE CHICK: Studly!! I need some help.
STUDLY: (Ignores BLONDE CHICK) Not now Maybelline. We are busy trying
to figure out how to kill the aliens.
BLONDE CHICK: That's not my name.
STUDLY: Sorry Blonde Chick.
SLICK: So, Studly, to take them by surprise we may need to sneak up
behind them.
STUDLY: Another good idea, Slick.
JUGHEAD: But
STUDLY: (Interrupts JUGHEAD) Now that we have it all worked out we
need to put our plan into action.
BLONDE CHICK: Studly!!! I need some help.
STUDLY: (Sees the giant spider attacking BLONDE CHICK) Blonde Chick,
why are you dancing with that spider?
BLONDE CHICK: I'm not. It's attacking me.
[end of extract]