Li'l Red in da Hood by Annamarie Saliba
Suggested Opening/Prelude Performance or recording of Little Red
Riding Hood (Sam the Sham &the Pharaohs)
Scene 1 Li'l Red talks to aunt on her phone, gets safety
warning, packs up for day-trip to the city, leaves home/school. (The
Woodsman is a security guard at her boarding school.)
ALYS: But, you don't understand, Aunt Donnie, I'm the ONLY ONE left
at this place. Everyone else has jetted off to Dubai or Aspen or
Katmandu for Winter Break, and I'm stuck at the lovely Léman
Manhattan Preparatory School - where - and I quote - our mission is to
prepare all our students for responsible participation in a global
society by providing an excellent learning environment and
opportunities to achieve their highest academic, social, and creative
potential - end quote. (pause) Yes, I memorized it; we HAD to. In
any case, how in the worldwide web am I supposed to become global if I
can't even be mobile. I just want a day, ONE DAY, in the city on my
own; is that too much to ask? (pause) For real?!? Nonna G's in the
city this month? And she's a bit depressed?!? That's AWESOME…I
mean…aweFUL. (pause) Of course, I'd LOVE to spend the day with
her, and, yes, I'll go straight there and straight back. (pause)
Chill out, Aunt D; I'm not going to get carried away, literally or
figuratively. I KNOW how to blend in and, if I'm spotted, how to
ditch the paparazzi. (pause) Sure, I'll grab some gourmet goodies and
ride the rails on up there this a.m. (pause) Fine. I'll take the
school limo, like that's going to keep me incognito. (pause) You,
too, Aunt D. Love, love, kiss, kiss. Ciao.
ALYS: (sings as she gets ready, maybe shift to rap) Start spreadin'
the news…I'm leavin' today…I want to be a part of it…New York,
New York… These Jimmy Choo shoes / They're longing to stray /
Right through the very heart of it / New York, New York // I want to
wake up in that condo / That doesn't sleep / And find I'm queen of the
hill / Top of the heap // My Leman Prep blues / They're melting away
/ I'll make a brand new start of it / In old New York // If I can
make it there /I'll make it anywhere / It's up to you // New York, New
York (buzzes down to concierge) Ralph, oh, this isn't Ralph?
(pauses) He's out for the week? Of course he is; isn't EVERYONE?
Well, whoever-you-are, could you arrange transportation for me to the
Upper Eastside? (pauses) Oh! Yes, a cab will be fine. I'll be
right down.
Let's see: Carr's Rosemary crackers, blackcurrant jam, Vosges bacon
bars, dark. Black Card, Pradas, don't want anyone to recognize me
as a Versace heiress. Zoloft, Coach Bag,Oh, and my 7. (pause)
Oh, yeah, I should wear that scarf Nonna got me in Florence, even if
it IS a little conspicuous. (grabs the red scarf) I DO love the
color though; it's SOOOO passionate.
Scene 2 Alys appears in front of the curtains and sees Jake
standing at a concierge's podium. He's dressed in a security
officer's uniform, wearing a badge and a gun.
ALYS: Hello, I'm Alys; I buzzed you a second ago.
JAKE: From Number 13? Well, this must be my lucky day. Jacob Woodrow
Marshall, at your service, Miss Alys.
ALYS: Have we ever met?
JAKE: Not formally. But I've watched you grow up here. (she
reacts) On the monitors, I mean. You know, the walls have eyes; the
Big Brother plan. Jake's the name; Security's my game.
Uhhhsorry.
ALYS: Don't apologize. It's kind of catchy. Besides, you must be
pretty good; I've never noticed you.
JAKE: New York's finest! I was NYPD for years, undercover, until,
oh, well, that's another story. And, you're not interested in
my history. So, you're headed uptown today? The cab should be here
shortly.
ALYS: Just between you and me, this is thrillingmy first cab ride!
I usually have to ride with my family's driver or in the
Lemon-mobile.
JAKE: Your enthusiasm for taxis is rare, actually refreshing! Drivers
have gotten a bad rap over the years. I've called my personal
favorite to escort you uptown Joe's his AmHunteran name.
He'll make certain you arrive safely.
ALYS: I'm really not in a great hurry to get to my grandmother's
condo. She sleeps in on Saturday anyway, and it's such a gorgeous,
crisp day, I was thinking I might explore the city a bit.
JAKE: I don't recommend that, Alys. It pains me to dampen your
enthusiasm, but the Big Apple is infested with more than a few worms.
ALYS: But the danger is part of the city's charmso many different
kinds of people, speaking different languages, eating ethnic foods,
so many strangers with vast worldly experiences. I'm dying to
wander among them.
JAKE: Not a pun I'd use. Trust me, Alys; I've seen the darker
side of the city: unsavory characters, junkies and gigolos, youngsters
desperate for attention and men without morals eager to take advantage
of the eagerness and naiveté of youth.
ALYS: I appreciate your concern, really I do, but I've heard all the
warnings. Even this morning, my Aunt Donnie was blathering on about
being cautious.
JAKE: Good advice. And just in time, here's a text from your
driver. (calls) Joe, I'm entrusting this beautiful young lady to
your care. See that she makes it to 1040 5th Avenue. In one piece.
ALYS: How did you know the address, Jake? Did I give it to you?
JAKE: You must have, Alys. Otherwise, how would I have known it?
(pause) Actually, I remembered it from a package I screened early
last monthfrom a Ms. Genovese, I believe.
ALYS: That's my Nonna G. Actually, her house sitter sent my
birthday gifts for her.
JAKE: Take my card, Alys, just in case you run into trouble. No one
else is here, so I may take the day off myself. But I always have my
phone handy. (Alice exits downstairs, Jake waving, then he checks
watch and exits same way)