My Principal is a Zombie by Julie Johnson Azzopardi
This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE
SCHOOL CAFETERIA
AT RISE: JASON, DANA, KYLE and BRITTANY are seated together at a table in the cafeteria, laughing and joking with each other.
JASON: (looks in his lunch bag) There’s nothing good in here.
DANA: Maybe you should have packed your own lunch.
KYLE: (smiling while holding up a slice of pizza) Or just ordered from the cafeteria!
JASON, DANA & BRITTANY: (emphatically) No!!!
BRITTANY: Seriously, the food here sucks.
JASON: (glances at his friends’ lunches) I need sugar. Who has sugar?
DANA: (holds onto her cookie) Keep your paws to yourself.
JASON: But I need sugar to get me through the rest of the day.
DANA: If I had more to share, I would. But I don’t.
JASON: (begging) Kyle, please give me a stick of gum. I know you have some.
KYLE: No way. If Mean Lunch Lady sees us, then she’ll confiscate it.
No gum on school property.
KYLE points to the sign in the cafeteria.
DANA AND BRITTANY:(in unison) Mell!
BRITTANY: Remember, we gave her a nickname.
KYLE: Right. I forgot. We don’t want Mean Lunch, I mean Mell, to see us.
JASON: I’ll get rid of the gum before we go to class. Promise.
KYLE: Ok. I’ll pass it under the table.
JASON looks puzzled
DANA: (Rolls her eyes) Just drop a napkin then grab the gum. Mell won’t see you.
We see BRITTANY tossing her napkin onto the floor.
JASON: You’re littering.
BRITTANY: OMG. It’s a decoy.
JASON: (laughs). Oh yeah. I knew that.
JASON reaches under the table to grab the stick of gum from Kyle.
KYLE: Don’t get caught!
We see JASON quickly stuff the gum in his mouth then slowly look around to make sure the Lunch Lady isn’t watching. He chews.
JASON: (mumbles) mmm sugar.
DANA: (looks distressed and starts to search in her backpack.) Oh
no! I forgot to study my science terms. I heard we have a pop quiz
today.
BRITTANY: You worry too much Dana. You’ll ace it.
KYLE: We probably won’t even have a quiz.
The school bell rings.
The students get up and throw trash away.
JASON chews his gum one more time and is about to put it in a napkin.
LUNCH LADY sees him and hurries over.
LUNCH LADY: What do you have in your mouth Mr. Doyle?
JASON: (mumbles) Food.
LUNCH LADY: I don’t think so.
JASON: I was just about to get rid of it.
LUNCH LADY: Spit it in the garbage. No gum allowed.
JASON spits the gum into the garbage can.
LUNCH LADY: (writes on a small pad of paper). Detention today.
JASON: But I have baseball practice after school. I don’t have time for detention.
LUNCH LADY: You should have thought about that before chewing gum.
KYLE, DANA and BRITTANY wait for JASON to catch up.
KYLE: I knew this would happen.
DANA: (pats Jason on the shoulder) Pack your lunch next time.
BRITTANY: With lots of candy. Just no GUM.
Fade out
ACT ONE
SCENE TWO
DETENTION
The school bell rings. JASON waves to his friends and walks down the hall to the detention room. The only person in the room is the principal.
PRINCIPAL GAINES: What’s your offense?
JASON: At lunch I was chewing a piece of gum and Mell…
PRINCIPAL GAINES looks confused
JASON: I mean, the lunch lady wrote me up for detention.
PRINCIPAL GAINES: So, you were chewing gum.
JASON: At lunch.
PRINCIPAL GAINES: So, you were chewing gum at lunch.
JASON: (with emphasis) At LUNCH.
PRINCIPAL GAINES: Mr. Doyle, I doubt your parents packed you gum to eat for lunch.
JASON opens his mouth to reply but then closes it.
PRINCIPAL GAINES:(sighs). The teacher in charge of detention is
not here today so I’ll have to do it. I can’t stay in the room the
whole time so please, just sit in a desk and read or do your homework
and you can be released in an hour. I’ll sign your slip at the end. I
have some uh work, yes work that I have to finish in my office so I’ll
check on you in a little while.
JASON: I understand.
PRINCIPAL GAINES exits
JASON sits in a desk and pulls out his homework.
JASON stands up. Stares at his watch then sits and rests his head on the desk.
JASON: (Dozes off then when he wakes stares at his watch) I think he forgot about me.
Jason: (Holds onto detention slip) I guess I’ll see if he’s in his
office so I can get this signed.
JASON walks down the hall.
JASON’s hand is on the doorknob to the principal’s office.
PRINCIPAL GAINES stumbles around in his office.
PRINCIPAL GAINES: (walks around office with both arms straight out in front of him) moans.
JASON: (whispers) What the heck is going on?
PRINCIPAL GAINES walks toward the door with his arms held stiffly in front of him.
JASON ducks out of view and runs down the hall to the detention room.
JASON: (breathing heavy) What should I do? Something’s wrong with
Mr. Gaines. I know, I’ll call Kyle. No, he’s at practice. I’ll call
Dana. (checks pocket). Shoot, my phone is in my locker.
The door opens.
JASON: (looks up in horror) Principal?
PRINCIPAL GAINES: Hi Jason. Your time is up.