Night of the Living Cryonic Dead by Nicholas Conti
SCENE ONE
A sign reads : The Cryonics Frozen Preservation Storage Facility Home For Future Living.
Simple one unit set. (See Stage design.)
S.L, a rustic office in the corner with DC's beat up desk and chair and Ivy's small combo table/desk
and chair
The wall a bright color to dress the stage, on the wall a picture of a snow scene; and door leading to
the frozen storage area U.S.L. (use furniture to simulate office.)
Boy Scout/Girl Scout encampment flags/pennants D.S.R. some tents and scout flags/pennants.
AT RISE: DC seated at desk ponders briefly, then suddenly jumps up!
DC: I can't stand this loneliness anymore! It's driving me SANE! You would think by now I could relax a little becausetoday is the day! It's finally arrived, (mildly insane) Ah Haaaaaaa!Today we'll have our fun, and our Cryonic friends will too and enjoy a night out on the town! After all there's nothing like a brisk walk for my babies, topped off by a gourmet meal of high protein flesh, washed down with liberal amounts of youthful red and white corpuscles and bubbly platelets… Ivy my dear you've gotta be a little excited too! Why you're to be applauded! For your loyalty, assistance and companionship. If it wasn't for you; I'd go bonkers!
IVY: (Casually nods her head in agreement; is totally relaxed and seated doing her nails. Dressed in garish but stylish clothes and makeup laid on with a trowel.) Thanks! Yes! I'm excited! (Facetiously) I mean doesn't it show? Actually though this may come as a surprise to you; truth be known we're both a little BONKERS to be doing this kind of work. But I do love it! Though it's chilling at times (goes mildly hysterical.) Ah Haaaaaaa! And love to watch you DC with the Cryonics. Actually you're always so thoughtful of everybody, dead or alive; including me my sweet I offer you my palpitating heart in gratitude!
DC: How sweet! It is after all the little things like this that keep us alive and human! Otherwise our blood would be as cold as our Cryonic friends in there (nods toward the back room). Who dream of someday of returning to the living
IVY: What a beautiful Dream DC, I just love you for it!
DC: (Let it build!) And I you! And just think have them return in one healthy normal piece! Whole to the world around them; able to have their leaking plumbing and fluids replaced, and repaired. Thenon that glorious day they will be totally rejuvenated, healthy again, updated to the world around them by beingReprogrammed!
IVY: (Ecstatic)—How thrilling working side by side with a genius such as you DC in this Brave New World endeavor. That's why we get along so frigidly-well together and share the same charming, frozen likes, dislikes and frosty dreams!.
DC: Thanks for putting me in such a GOOD HUMOR! Ah Haaaaaaaa Yes dear and you know, our association as Co-caretakers is like a marriage made in Antarctica! Ah Haaaaaa! Now that you've seen firsthand all the loving care I've shown my frigid friends. You've even helped me warm up to them by
IVY: Yes! Yes! Raising their temperature. How Heart-warming! And spiking there liquid nitrogen with Anti-Freeze!
DC: And they Love it!... LOVE IT!
IVY: (Jubilant!) Yes! It's Brilliant! To think! Tonight—-is their night! And yours too, why you're as excited as they seem to be in their cute little frozen way.
DC: That's why I love you Ivy, you're so perceptive and sensitive to have noticed these traits and talents of mine. So we can share the excitement together as one! What a moment Way to Go! Ivy!
(They High Five! )
IVY: Now they're sufficiently defrosted to enjoy a night out.
DC: I'll bet they're already champing at the bit anxious to get out there in the real world. And get some real warm meals and contact with the living(Big!) I mean one on one! Ah Haaaa! Haa! Ha!
IVY: Your enthusiasm is contagious you got me all Exhilarated! I can't wait. I feel like a voyeur here in this frozen body and head storage FACILITY. And Now! Now! is Our Moment we get to watch our frozen mute children file out with icy smiles on their frigid faces, anticipating a night of revelry, ribaldry! It's just too much to bear!... Such a happy Day!
DC: Let's drink to that! Join me in a sip of high potency Deep Red Cranberry juice with an added ZIP, of Crunchy Chunkolas of Ribald, Vituperative Cranberries! (Pours for her, then checks the time. They toast each other) Here's FROST in your eye!
(They drink it down). It won't be long now!
Blackout—-in the office—-( actors freeze.)
SCENE TWO
Lights Up: Stage right on an adjoining tent Campsite of Girl Scouts/Boy Scouts
There's a campfire in the center of the group of scouts and they're seated Indian fashion round the fire telling spooky stories; later singing.
Rusty is in charge of her girl Scouts; a teacher and likeable scout leader and Vic, leader of the boys; a great teacher and story teller.
They take turns telling scarey stories or leading songs when called for.
A few lanterns, a few small flag/pennant staffs, one out of sight but handy which is:
The scary Trident is kept handy because as everyone knows, it will scare the Cryonic Dead and make their Blood run Hot!
Vic, then and Rusty cheerfully lead the festivities.
VIC: Scouts! Let's hear a great big shout out for our special Campout and Girl Scout Troop Number 2-2-2. (Leads them), Yay! Troop 2-2-2 Girl Scouts forever True, True, True!
RUSTY: (Jumps up and helps with the cheer.) Yay! Boy Scout Troop number 3-3-3—- let's hear it!
BOY SCOUTS: (Jump up,) Yay! troop 3-3-3 we love every tree and our His-tor-eee, in this Terri-toree! Yay! troop 3-3-3. (cheer, then sit.)
VIC: We all know why we're having this great Campout, combining our talents—- Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, to show that all God's creatures, male, and even female deserve good treatment, acceptance and.
RUSTY: Even though they're all males—-to love and help our neighbors, even though he's, a heright girls?
ALL GIRL SCOUTS: Rii-ght on! (High Fives all around! Ad libs.) Cool! Right on!
VIC: (Jumps in with) And Guys, love and help thy neighbor even though—-She's a She Right Guys?
ALL BOY SCOUTS: Riiight! (High Fives. Laugh, ad lib, have fun.) Cool! Right-on!
RUSTY: So far it's working like a charm, sharing our chores and duties!
VIC: Activities!
RUSTY: Hikes, even though we leave the guys in the dust. Girls let's hear it for troop 2-2-2!
ALL GIRL SCOUTS: Yay! Girl Scout troop 2-2-2! We leave the guys in the dust, if it Rains! They start to RUST! (Girls all laugh.)
VIC: They mean well boys; and we love'em so let's hear it for troop 2-2-2We'll teach the girls how to achieve or leave! Now let's hear it for Boy Scout troop 3-3-3, all or nothing we are troop 3-3-3, Yay! 3-3-3! Listen up! Girls and Males! We're here to have some fun, sing and tell real scareeeeey tales!
ALL: (Big reaction, wise guy/girl comments. Ad libs, etc.)
RUSTY: Alright! Alright! ( Quiets them down.) First why don't we kick it off with a Scary Tale from our Great Story Teller in Chief—- Victor then I'll tell one of my scary extra-terrestrial tales , I know you're gonna love! Then wake all the Bats, Cats and Raccoons in the neighborhood with our singing of campfire songs. And show the boyzzz how it's really done!
VIC: Great Idea! BecaaaauseI'm the world's greatest teller of scarey, tales. Right boys and girls?
ALL GIRLS AND BOYS: [All agree.] Yay! ( And cheer loudly ) Yay! Tell it to us Vic! Tell it to us Vic!............. (Applaud.)
VIC: (Puts on a poncho partly over his head as a scary prop). Alright then! Many years ago on a dark and scary moonlit night, my friend Harry and I, both tenderfoot scouts, were playing this old and our favorite Scout, rough house game of ' Buck, Buck how many Horns are up?' Where you leap on the other teams backs till they crack! And they've got to guess how many fingers, horns, (put up some fingers) the leader holds up—-or loseOuch! Heavy guys had the edge. It was because of all this great fun Harry and I left the scout meeting late which meant our folks would worry and probably punish us. So we hightailed it outa there and Harry comes up with this brainstorm, like.Let's go through the Cemetery!You all know it, the eerie one, that has roots that trip, thorns that stick you, mossy, cree-eepy branches that grip you!I said to Harry, OK, but let's move fast before anything grabs us!We start through the haunted old cemetery, gates creaking in the wind like they was expectin' usThen came the spooooky part Like I know Harry's up ahead. But can't see him Meanwhile he's like whistling up a storm cause he's scared as can be while I'm whistling because I'm twice as scared as he is! Suddenly! Something grabs me 'round my throat
GIRL SCOUTS: All Scream loud enough to wake the dead aaahhh!
VIC: " Help me Harry!" I hollered ! Quick like, he runs back to save me! And there I am sittin' on the ground being choked and cryingmy breath bein' squeezed outa me! Tears runnin' down my faceBut he can't see a thing Then trips over me and scares the heck outa both of us while mumbling! "Vi-vic, Vic?" Ye-Yes Ha-rr-I hope that's you? Help me! ugh! Somethin's ch-chhh- chokin' me! Quick like Harry lights a match, looks, and quickly, carefully pulls the vines offa me that were, I thought, strangling meSays. ''Holy gravestones, you really had me shi-shi-veringYou knuckle head! It was just a bunch of vinesCome on now! We gotta make up for lost time! I Don't want to be grounded for six weeks!" Ok! Ok! I say!" Harry quickly leads off, and we're travellin' for a coupla' minutes when I hear, "help! Vic help! s-su-somethin's grabbin' my ankles, help!"
BOY SCOUTS: (Scared Yell! Ad Libs!) Ooooh Nooooo! I knew he was close, and I tell you I'm scared all to heck; bu- but wh-where is he? Then I hear a thud, thump, crash and scream from Harry the brave Tenderfoot! I cried out, wh-where are you?... He shouts, "here, ouch! here! Help! This must be hell, it's kinda w-warm down here! I'm in a deep, dark, kinda hole, it's as long as a c-c-coffin-m- m-might—-be, and about six feet deepOh No! No! Tell me it's not a gu-grave, a-gu-gu-gurr-ave!"
ALL: Oh Noooooo!. Nooooo!
VIC: I follow the voicethink I locate him, and I'm sh-sha-aking! I thought maybe it was his timeto like die, maybe!... Wh- wh-ere are you? Erie like he groans, "it must be the b-b-bottom of a fresh Du-Duggu-gur-ave." Now by the light of the moon I carefully peeks in and sure enough there he wasHa—-Ha-rry? a—ar—-re you alright?He g-groans, "I-I g-g-uess so, nothin's broke"Let me look a-around for somethin' to pull you out withHarry shuttering now says, "hurry will-ya, before some demons or maybe su-su-snakes from Hell eat me alive! Ooooh ooh! Sumpin's got me! Got me!" I quick looked for a branch, no branches, but there was a long handled—- musta been the gur-rave-di- diggers shovel which I held out to him and was able to pull him safely out of that gu-grave with them roots holding on to him like they were alive, Holdin' on! Holdin'on! When I finally got him out, lucky for both of us we were able to make our escape because turns out we were by the exit near our homes—-wh-when I swear that old huge Stone Statue, you all know the one—-looked like it was movin,' movin' and the ground shakin' from its great weight as it came toward us Sooooo we thought!
ALL GIRL SCOUTS: (Scream) Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
VIC: It was like that story Don Giovanni when the Statue suddenly comes to life and takes the Don straight to HELL!I tell you it was creepy All of a sudden like! When we hear this loud moaning OOOOh!, OOOOh! Comin out of the statue'!
ALL: Ooooooh! Nooooo! Nooooooooo!
VIC Then—- We both yelled and started to run but who or what should come stumbling out at us from behind the statue; (imitates a zombie) BLOCKING our pathand scaring us into the next county!
ALL GIRL SCOUTS: Schareeeeeeeeeeem!...... Whawhaaaaaat?.
VIC: What or who do you think?....... Why, Ole Joshua the town derelict, and he's all bothered, why he scared the Fritolays right out of us. I tell ya! And he groans " what's all the darn screamin' about? Getting' so's a body can't get No sleep 'round here! Not even in the Cemetery !... Now git and let me get some sleep will ya! An' Shhhh! An' Quiet down will ya! You wanna wake the d-d-dead?"We both said heck Nooo! And ran and ran like crazy, an kept lookin' back, lookin' back till we..
Pheewww! got to our homes, fastest time we ever madeAnd were we Shakin'!And a messAn' my folks? grounded me for a week, a whole week! wanted to make it two after that true story I told 'emAn' Harry? He got about the same punishment. Hey but at least we were still alive! But you wanna know somethin' as for Me, I haven't been the same since! You (points to everyone), wouldn't be either! (Laughs Diabolically as he pulls the poncho down over his face and comes at them!) Ah—Haaaaaaaa!
ALL: They dodge him playfully while applauding, cheering, and egging him on.
VIC: Till finally he gestures them to get back to normal. OK! OK! And now Rusty, Our Second Greatest story teller with her scary tale and then she'll lead us all in singing!
RUSTY: Hold on to your seats this is one of them Extra Terrestrial Spookers that'll make your curls straighten and give you Moonscape size goose bumps! Well it seems that many years ago during the Millennium; when we Girl Scout Earthlings happened to be camped in this same Area. And there had been at that particular time many, many sightings of strange lights in the sky around here , especially on Deadman's hill, cause it seems Extra Terrestrials love to land on hills specially when near a lake or stream even! And flying saucers were witnessed in many places in the US especially in this vicinity! And seem to prefer blustery, overcast evenings to make their landings in their Saucer Shaped Ships! On this particular evening Sadie, one of our new scouts went out to gather firewood by herself. You see she kinda liked to keep to herself. But her mistake was she didn't tell anybody where she was going. And as she walked into the darkening woods.
Her dialogue fades as Lights dim
And everyone freezes!
BLACKOUT
[end of extract]