Night of the Living Dead by Mark Landon Smith

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This Play is the copyright of the Author and must not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent

SCENE ONE

In the dark we hear an eerie, ghostly sound; something from another
world. It grows progressively louder as though it is drawing nearer.
At its loudest point there is the sound of the tremendous crash of an
impact, accompanied by a bright flash of light. In that instant a
pool of light rises revealing a NEWS ANCHOR with microphone in hand.
A Broadcast News style refrain plays. The NEWS ANCHOR is of the
Ted-Baxter-Mary-Hart-Regis-Philbin type brimming with seriousness,
self importance and a ridiculous toupee.

NEWS ANCHOR #1: We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to
bring you this hot-off-the-wire news bulletin which is
hot-off-the-wire. We have just received this(Indicating an
important looking piece of paper.)important looking report on this
important looking piece of paper which is reporting that the Venus
explorer satellite recently shot to Venus for Venutian exploratory
purposes by NASA has fulfilled it's mission with stunningly stunning
success. The space vehicle orbited the planet retrieving a plethora
of valuable scientific information for our scientists and upon its
return passed through a mysterious cosmic cloud mysteriously filled
with high-level radiation before plummeting to the earth in a firey
ball of fire and exploding in an explosive matter upon impact in the
Dead End. We will keep you updated on this late breaking story
provided there are any additional developments to inform you about if
and when they develop. (Beat.) So there.

The lights go down on the NEWS ANCHOR as an eerie green glow begins to
emanate behind the stage with an eerie humming noise. In the dark we
hear the NEWS ANCHOR scream. Eerie, huh? As the lights slowly rise
accompanied by a low cloud of fog, we find one tombstone. Barbara and
her brother Johnny who carries a floral wreath, enter. The ominous
music changes, perhaps, to something light and airy.

JOHNNY: Come on, Babs - let's get this over as soon as possible and
get outta here This place really bugs me out.

BARBARA: Johnny, don't be a silly-billy-nilly-silly head.

JOHNNY: We still have to drive back.

BARBARA: If it really bugged you, you wouldn't do it.

JOHNNY: You think I want to blow a perfectly good Sunday on a scene
like this? I think we're either gonna have to move mother out here,
or the grave to her. Which is kinda weird.

BARBARA: You know she can't make a trip like this. It's much too
strenuous on her.

JOHNNY: (Reading the wreath.) Look at this thing - "We still
remember." (Beat.) I don't. I don't even remember what the
manmy father looks like.

BARBARA: Johnny, it takes you five minutes.

JOHNNY: Yeah, five minutes to put the wreath on the grave of a man I
don't even remember. Mother wants to remember so we drive all the
way out here to the Dead End Cemetary, and she stays at home watching
her soap operas while sitting on the couch eating bon-bons and sipping
half lemonade, half iced tea and petting her cat.

BARBARA: Which row is it in?

BARBARA searches for the tombstone.

JOHNNY: Boy, there's no one around here. This place is like
agraveyard!

JOHNNY laughs at his own joke as BARBARA looks on with disapproval.

BARBARA: Johnny. Really. (Beat.) Ah. Here it is. (Beat.) Go
ahead, Johnny.

JOHNNY: (HE places the wreath on the grave.) I wonder what happened
to the flowers we brought last year? Each year we spend good money on
flowers, we come out here, and the ones from last year are gone.

BARBARA: The flowers die and the caretaker or somebody takes them
away.

JOHNNY: Do you remember the time, when we were kids, and we were out
here? I jumped out at you from behind a tree and you screamed.
Remember that? Right over there. Boy, we used to be really scared
here.

BARBARA: Johnny

JOHNNY: You're still afraid.

BARBARA: Stop it now. I mean it.

JOHNNY: (Teasing.) They're coming to get you, Barbara.

BARBARA: Johnnydon't.

JOHNNY: They're coming for you, Barbara.

BARBARA: You're acting like a child.

JOHNNY: They're coming for you. Beware, Barbara!

Suddenly from behind a tombstone, and with a roar, ZOMBIE #1 lunges
for BARBARA. She screams.

BARBARA: Johnny! Johnny! Help me! Help me! Johnny! Johnny!
Help! Help! Me! Me!

As BARBARA continues to scream and ad lib, and as ZOMBIE #1 continues
to roar and lunge, JOHNNY crosses to BARBARA and pries ZOMBIE #1 from
her. ZOMBIE #1 chokes JOHNNY. As JOHNNY'S body slumps, ZOMBIE #1
takes a bite from his cheek. BARBARA trips, rises and runs offstage,
perhaps through the audience?, to escape. Screaming all the way.
ZOMBIE #1 chases after her, roaring all the way. As eerie music
rises, fog envelopes the stage and the lights dim. In a swirl JOHNNY
and the tombstones disappear and the interior of the farmhouse
appears. (Perhaps the ZOMBIES could undertake the set change; perhaps
the tombstones double as set pieces for the farmhouse?). The
farmhouse interior consists of a practical door, sofa, side chair,
table, etc. Your typical farmhouse interior. There is a small stack
of boards and a telephonea TV. Once the scene is set, the ZOMBIES
disappear and the lights rise slightly as the music fades. We hear the
rattling of the front door. Suddenly it gives and BARBARA tumbles in
with a scream with ZOMBIE #1 in hot pursuit. She manages to slam the
door shut before ZOMBIE #1 is able to enter. From outside we can hear
ZOMBIE #1 scream with rage. Seeing a baseball bat, BARBARA grabs it
for protection. Noticing the phone, she attempts to dialdead.
ZOMBIE #1 suddenly appears in the window reaching for BARBARA. She
screams, yet again, and stumbles to the front door and throws it open.
BEN darkens the door holding a tire iron above his head, ready to
strike a blow. BARBARA screamsyet again. BEN pushes BARBARA back
into the house and locks the door behind him.

BEN: It's all right. Don't worry about them. I can handle them.
Probably get a lot more of them as soon as they find out we're
here. I gotta truck, but it's outta gas and the gas pump out there
by the barn is locked. Is there a key? (HE picks up the phone.) I
suppose you tried this. (Beat.) Do you live here? We gotta get
outta here. We have to get where there are some other people.

BARBARA: (Hysterically.) What's happening? What's happening?

We hear the sound of glass breaking off stage. BEN rushes to the
window and looks out.

BEN: They're smashin' out my left headlight, man! (Out the
window.) Rudeness! (Counting.) Onetwothree. (Beat.) Yep.
There are three of them out there. Three headlight-smashin'
zombies. (He grabs BARBARA by the shoulders. Her head lolls a bit.)
There are three of them out there. Have you seen any more around
here?

BARBARA: I don't know.

BEN: Look, I know you're afraid, but

BARBARA: I don't know! I don't know! What's happening?

BEN sits BARBARA on the sofa. We hear the sound of more glass
breaking. As BEN crosses to the front door

BEN: There goes the other headlight. (BEN flings the front door
open.) HEY! STOP THAT OR I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE!

ZOMBIE #1(GERALD) and ZOMBIE #2 (MADGE) laughing as they enter, and
notice the open door to the house.

ZOMBIE #1 (GERALD): Hey! The door's open!

ZOMBIE #2 (MADGE) : Get him!

With a roar ZOMBIE #1 (GERAL) and ZOMBIE #2 (MADGE) try to enter -
BARBARA screams and BEN pushes them outside. ZOMBIE #3 appears at
the window and reaches in for BABARA. She screams. BEN rushes to
BARBARA and gives ZOMBIE #3 a big wallop on the head.

ZOMBIE #2 (MADGE): Okay. Well that hurt. (Beat.) And I chipped a
nail. Great.

BEN: They know we're in here now. I saw one using his iphone. (As
he circles the room turning on lights.) We gotta get some lights on
in this house. (Beat.) Grab those board so we can nail this place
up. (BARBARA does not respond.) Look, I know you're afraid but we
have to try to board this place up tight. I'm gonna board up the
windows and the doors. Do you understand? Okay? Okay?

BARBARA nods. BEN crosses up and looks into the off stage
"kitchen". He then turns back and starts to board up the windows
and doors. The lights dim on the house and rise on another part of
the stage serving as the yard surrounding the house. Here we find
ZOMBIE #1, #2  conferring.

ZOMBIE #1 (GERALD): We were this close to getting in. This close!

ZOMBIE #2 (MADGE): Curses to the non-Zombie humans and their boarded
up windows!

ZOMBIE #3 (CARL) Why don't they understand we don't want to cause
them any harm. We simply want to devour them.

ZOMBIE #1 (GERALD): We're Zombies. It's what we do.

ZOMBIE #2 (MADGE): It's who we are.

ZOMBIE #3 (CARL): It's how we roll.

ZOMBIE #4 (TIFFANY) enters.

ZOMBIE #4 (TIFFANY): Hey guys. Sorry I'm late. Attacking people.
You understand. What's up?

ZOMBIE #2 (MADGE): We're just frustrated, that's all.

ZOMBIE #4 (TIFFANY): Why, Zombie Madge? Do you need a hug?

ZOMBIE #2 (MADGE): We can't seem, no matter how hard we try, to get
into that house so we can devour those inside.

ZOMBIE #4 (TIFFANY): I know how we can get in.

ALL OF THE ZOMBIES EXCEPT TIFFANY: Do tell!

The lights fade on the ZOMBIES and rise on the house. NOTE: Musical
underscoring will need to begin at some moment in the following
monologue and continue until the end.

BEN: The kitchen is pretty secure. It won't be long before those
things pound their way in here. They're afraid of fire. I found
that out. I found that truck I have out there. There's a radio in
the truck. I jumped in to listen to it, because that's what you do
with a radio, but a big gasoline truck came screaming down the road.
Which was very annoying as I was trying to listen to the radio, which
I mentioned before. There must've been ten or fifteen of those
things chasing after it, grabbing and holding on. And they were
catching up to it. The gasoline truck was moving in a funny way then
it lost control, ripped over a gas pump at that big gas station, and
it never stopped moving. Didn't know if the truck was going to
explode or what, but I can still hear that man. Screaming. Screaming
like a 14 year old girl at a boy band concert. Those things just
backed away from it. I looked back down the street to see if there
was anyone there who could help me. That's when I noticed that the
entire place had been encircled. Wasn't a sign of life left except
- by now there were no more screams. I realized that I was alone.
Fifty or sixty of those things just standing there. Staring at me. I
started to drive out. They didn't move. They didn't run. They
just stood there, staring at me. I just wanted to crush them. They
scattered through the air like bugs.

NOTE: Musical underscoring changes for the following monologue.

BARBARA: We were riding in the Confederate Cemetery, Johnny and me.
Johnny. We - we came to put a wreath on my father's grave. He's
dead, you see. My father. Not Johnny. Johnny. And - and he said ,
"I wonder what happened to the flowers from last year?" And. Oh!
It's hot in here. It's hot. (She pulls on her coat.) And I
said, "The caretaker takes them away" Johnny asked me if I was
afraid, and I said "I'm not afraid, Johnny." And then Johnny
started teasing me"He's coming to get you, Barbara." And I
laughed at him and said "Johnny, stop it.” And thenandand

BEN: Why don't you just keep calm?

BARBARA: And then something lept from behind the tombstone and
grabbed me. Grabbed me!

BEN: I think you should just calm down.

BARBARA: And I screamed "Johnny! Johnny! Help me!" And then
Johnny came and fought thisthis thing. Then I got so afraid I
ran. I ran and I ran and Johnny didn't come. (Beat.) We have to
wait for Johnny. He's out there. Please. Don't you hear me?
We've got to go out and get him. Please! We have to go out and
get Johnny! Please! Help me, please!

BEN: (Grabbing BARBARA by the wrists.) Don't you know what's
going on out there I ask as I grab you by the wrists?

BARBARA: Don't you understand? My brother is alone!

BEN: Your brother, like my career, is dead!

BARBARA: NO! MY BROTHER LIKE YOUR CAREER IS NOT DEAD!

BARBARA breaks free from BEN and slaps him. After a beat BEN slaps
BARBARA. After a beat BARBARA slaps BEN. BEN slaps BARBARA. BARBARA
slaps BEN. There is a beat, then THEY launch into a "sissy flap
fight". Suddenly, there is a knock at the door. BEN and BARBARA
stop their "sissy slap fight.

BARBARA: Who could that be? Perhaps it's my brother!

BEN: Your brother, like my career, is dead!

BARBARA: NO! MY BROTHER LIKE YOUR CAREER IS NOT DEAD!

There is a beat, then THEY launch into a "sissy slap fight" once
again. Suddenly there is another knock at the door - louder and
harder.

BEN: I'll get it. I ordered Chinese.

BARBARA: I'm certain I look a fright!

BEN crosses to the door.

BEN: (Through the door.) WHO IS IT?!?

There is a silence. Then

ZOMBIE #4 (TIFFANY): (Quietly and timidly.) AhAvon calling.

BEN: Okay, just a second.

BEN opens the door and the ZOMBIES try tostorm their way in.

ZOMBIES: (Making "Zombie" noises.) AAAHhhhhhuuuuhhhhhhH!

BARBARA screams as BEN pushes the ZOMBIES back and slams the door
shut.

BARBARA: THOSE AREN'T ACTUAL AVON REPRESENTATIVES! THEY'RE
IMPOSTERS!

BARBARA runs out of the room, screaming. BEN crosses to the
television and turns it on. Inside the TV NANCY NEWSWORTHY, a TV
anchor, appears.

NANCY: Because of the obvious threat to untold numbers of citizens,
and because of the crisis which is even now developing, this station
will remain on the air day and night, night and day, seven days a
week, 52 weeks a year, 525,600 minutes, rain or shine to keep you
informed of developments. Unless, of course, the Razorbacks make the
Super Bowl. Joining me now is Roger Rover our roving reporter to
report on things which need reporting. Roger?

ROGER stands holding a microphone. Standing next to ROGER is DR.
SCAPEL, a German doctor.

ROGER: Good evening, Nancy.

NANCY: Good evening, Roger.

ROGER: Nancy, standing beside me is Dr. Scapel, a doctor. Dr Scapel,
what can you tell us about this mounting crisis, doctor?

DR. SCAPEL: At this hour these are the facts as we know them. There
is an epidemic of mass murder being committed by a virtual army of
unidentified assassins.

NANCY: Who are these unidentified assassins?

ROGER: Who are these unidentified assassins?

DR. SCAPEL: We do not know. That is why they are unidentified.

ROGER: Fascinating.

NANCY: Where are these murders taking place?

ROGER: Where are these murders taking place?

DR. SCAPEL: These murders are taking place in villages, cities, rural
homes, suburbs with no apparent motive or reason for the slayings.
And at a Mr. Burger near you.

ROGER: Sounds serious!

NANCY: Sounds serious!

ROGER: Oh, it is, Nancy!

NANCY: Who, oh who, is committing these heinous crimes?

ROGER: Doctor?

DR. SCAPEL: No. Not me. Eyewitnesses say these assassins are
ordinary looking people who appear to be in a kind of trance and are
grotesque looking. Just listen to this eyewitness account.

BETTY PIPER, a total country bumpkin, appears alongside DR. SCAPEL and
ROGER.

BETTY: These assassins are ordinary looking people who appear to be
in a kind of trance and are grotesque looking..

NANCY: Sounds like me before I've had my morning coffee!

NANCY laughs at her own weak joke.

ROGER: So tell us Betty Piper

DR. SCAPEL: Miss Typical Country Bumpkin.

ROGER: Now, now, Dr Scapel - we shouldn't stereotype, especially in
these frightening times.

DR. SCAPEL: No, she's literally Miss Typical Country Bumpkin. She
won the title.

[end of extract]

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