Pilgrim's Progress by Patrick Dorn

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This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent

ACT TWO Scene Three: Doubting Castle

(FLATTERY ENTERS.)

HOPEFUL: Who are you?

FLATTERY: Oh, no one nearly so important as you, Hopeful. Do you
know, you are the first person in ages to leave Vanity Fair by choice?
There's something very special about you.

HOPEFUL: Well, thanks. Just following my heart, I guess.

FLATTERY: And a very brave heart it is, too, risking life and limb to
save a fellow traveler in the way. (To CHRISTIAN SIX.) You're
Christian, I take it?

CHRISTIAN SIX: That's right.

FLATTERY: You've come a long way, indeed. And suffered your share
of hardships.

CHRISTIAN SIX: It hasn't been a picnic, I can tell you.

FLATTERY: And yet here you are, at the veritable edge of the
Celestial City, safe and sound and none the worse for wear. You are
truly remarkable. In fact, one might even say heroic.

CHRISTIAN SIX: Really?

FLATTERY: Would I lie?

HOPEFUL: So, do you know which path is the best one to take? They
both seem to go in the same direction.

FLATTERY: Well, it all depends.

CHRISTIAN SIX: On what?

FLATTERY: On how you want to arrive. The path you are on now, as you
can see, is rocky, steep and fraught with peril. Take it, and you will
be sorely tried and tested, but when you reach your goal, you will
have tempered your character with perseverance.

HOPEFUL: That's kind of what I expected on this journey.

FLATTERY: On the other hand, this path down here is soft and gentle.
It follows a meandering brook through meadows and fields until you
reach the River of Life. Cross the river, and you're home free.
Tanned, rested, and ready to pig out at the heavenly banquet.

CHRISTIAN SIX: That doesn't sound so bad.

FLATTERY: The choice is up to you. Free will, and all that.

CHRISTIAN SIX: (To HOPEFUL.) What do you think?

HOPEFUL: I don't know. It sounds too good to be true.

CHRISTIAN SIX: I've been through an awful lot already. I could use
a break.

HOPEFUL: I'm with you, whichever way we go.

FLATTERY: Why not come down here and test the road out? If you
don't like it, you can always go right back up.

CHRISTIAN SIX: I don't know

(FLATTERY jumps up and down.)

FLATTERY: It's actually springy!

HOPEFUL: (Jumps up and down.) Not springy.

CHRISTIAN SIX: I guess it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. But if
that path strays from the straight and narrow, we're turning around
and going right back.

HOPEFUL: Agreed.

FLATTERY: I would expect no less from two such pious pilgrims as
yourselves.

(CHRISTIAN SIX and HOPEFUL follow FLATTERY a short distance.)

HOPEFUL: It IS kind of springy. (Jumps up and down.) Boingy, boingy,
boingy.

CHRISTIAN SIX: (Jumps too.) Boingy. Boingy. Not bad. Not bad at all.

(Leading them in a roundabout way, perhaps through audience.)

FLATTERY: Didn't I tell you? And another thing. This path is warm
in the winter and cool in the summer.

HOPEFUL: And it leads to the Celestial City?

FLATTERY: Haven't you heard? There are many ways to get to heaven.

HOPEFUL: I kind of thought it would be harder, somehow.

CHRISTIAN SIX: (Jumps up and down.) This is great. Thanks for
pointing it out to us.

FLATTERY: The pleasure is all mine.

(CHRISTIAN SIX and HOPEFUL continue to follow FLATTERY.)

HOPEFUL: At this rate, we'll get there in no time.

FLATTERY: No time at all.

CHRISTIAN SIX: But the road isn't very straight.

FLATTERY: It's just following the stream. No stream ever flows in a
straight line. It's not natural.

CHRISTIAN SIX: But we're getting further and further from the
straight and narrow path.

(TWO [or more] ZOMBIES ENTER. They carry a large net, or they may
pantomime one, and foam noodles [pool toys]. They are very slow, and
move stiffly. They are, after all, the living dead.)

FLATTERY: It winds its way back again, just after you pass that
castle.

(ZOMBIES freeze, pretend to be gargoyles and/or statues.)

HOPEFUL: What castle? Ohhh

CHRISTIAN SIX: What is this place? Is it like the Palace Beautiful? A
rest stop for pilgrims?

FLATTERY: Something like that. Why don't you take a look? It's
just a little detour, after all.

HOPEFUL: I don't know. It looks kind of ominous.

CHRISTIAN SIX: It's not that bad.

FLATTERY: It's the last stop before eternity, my friends.

HOPEFUL: (To CHRISTIAN.) What do you think?

CHRISTIAN SIX: What could be the harm?

FLATTERY: Walk this way.

(FLATTERY does a kind of hop, skip and jump, and walks past the
ZOMBIES. CHRISTIAN SIX and HOPEFUL look at each other, imitate the
same hop, skip and jump, and follow FLATTERY. ZOMBIES unfreeze, drop
net over [or surround] HOPEFUL and CHRISTIAN SIX, who fall to the
floor.)

ZOMBIES: Gotcha!

HOPEFUL: Ahh!

CHRISTIAN SIX: Hey!

FLATTERY: Welcome to Doubting Castle. The Giant Despair will be with
you in a moment. It's the end of the road for you two. Ha, ha, ha!
(EXITS.)

HOPEFUL: Doubting Castle?

CHRISTIAN SIX: Giant Despair?

HOPEFUL and CHRISTIAN SIX: Uh-oh.

(ZOMBIES restrain HOPEFUL and CHRISTIAN SIX, or pen them in.)

Oof! Ow! Watch it!

ZOMBIE ONE: (ZOMBIES speak in monotone.) Now don't go anywhere.

ZOMBIE TWO: We wouldn't want you to miss all the fun.

(SOUND of booming footsteps.)

ZOMBIE ONE: Here he comes now.

ZOMBIE TWO: Boy, are you two gonna get it!

(SOUND of more booming footsteps. ZOMBIES release the net, scuffle
away from HOPEFUL and CHRISTIAN SIX. GIANT DESPAIR ENTERS. There are
several ways to do this. GIANT DESPAIR could be the tiniest cast
member, wearing oversize adult clothing, looking like a malevolent
child playing dress-up. Or the GIANT could be the largest cast member.
Or, the GIANT could be an enormous and very flat puppet, operated and
voiced by ZOMBIES or by a backstage ENSEMBLE MEMBER with a microphone.
See Production Notes.)

GIANT: Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the blood of a wayward pilgrim.
(Sniffs.) Wait! Wait! (Sniffs again.) Make that two pilgrims.

(CHRISTIAN SIX and HOPEFUL stand, knees knocking.)

CHRISTIAN SIX: I've got a bad feeling about this.

HOPEFUL: Look at the size of that thing!

GIANT: Who dares to trespass on my land?

HOPEFUL: Your land?

CHRISTIAN SIX: We thought this was the way to the Celestial City.

GIANT: Silence!

(ZOMBIES mechanically whack HOPEFUL and CHRISTIAN SIX, bringing them
to their knees. ZOMBIES enjoy their work as much as walking corpses
can.)

HOPEFUL/CHRISTIAN SIX: Ow!

ZOMBIES: (Smiling.) Hmm, hmm, hmm!

GIANT: You are in Doubting Castle, and I am the Giant Despair. From
here there is no escape!

(ZOMBIES whack HOPEFUL and CHRISTIAN SIX again.)

HOPEFUL/CHRISTIAN SIX: Ow!

ZOMBIES: Hmm, hmm, hmm!

GIANT: You will receive no food, and no water.

(ZOMBIES whack HOPEFUL and CHRISTIAN SIX.)
HOPEFUL/CHRISTIAN SIX: Ow!

ZOMBIES: Hmm, hmm, hmm!

GIANT: You will waste away in my deepest, darkest dungeon.

(ZOMBIES whack HOPEFUL and CHRISTIAN SIX.)

HOPEFUL/CHRISTIAN SIX: Ow!

ZOMBIES: Hmm, hmm, hmm!

GIANT: And you will receive beatings on a regular basis.

(Whack, whack.)

HOPEFUL/CHRISTIAN SIX: Ow! Ow!

ZOMBIES: (Monotone.) This is the most fun I've had in all my death.
I like my work. Let's do it some more. Whack, whack! Hmm, hmm, hmm!
Etc.

GIANT: There's only one escape.

(ZOMBIES prepare to whack them again. Pause.)

GIANT: Would you like to know the way out?

HOPEFUL: Yes! Yes!

CHRISTIAN SIX: Just don't hit us again.

GIANT: Very well. Here's what I want you to do. (Leans forward.)
Curse God, and die.

HOPEFUL: What?

CHRISTIAN SIX: Curse God?

GIANT: And die. Kill yourselves. Or kill each other. I don't really
care which. Otherwise, I'll never let you go. (Whack.)

HOPEFUL/CHRISTIAN SIX: Ow!

ZOMBIES: Hmm, hmm, hmm!

GIANT: Never, not ever. (Gestures to ZOMBIES.) These guys never get
tired.

HOPEFUL: Uh, can we think about it for a minute?

CHRISTIAN SIX: Yeah. It's a big decision.

GIANT: Very well. You have thirty seconds.

(ZOMBIES start to lose interest, aimlessly drift away, bump into
things.)

[end of extract]

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