Princesses Versus Zombies by Jane Baker with Sandy Klein
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This Play is the copyright of the Author and must not be Performed, Copied or Sold without the Author's prior consentFirst produced at the New England Youth Theater in Brattleboro, Vermont, July 2012
Princesses Versus Zombies Cast
Beast…....................................Nikita Oarcea
Belle…....................................Ida Robertshaw Brother
Goose…............................Andrew Foster
Cinderella…...............................Tamy Robertshaw Evil
Stepmother…..........................Emma Ethier
Gretel…...................................Eve Pomazi Little Red
Riding Hood…...................Oriah Wind Mother
Goose….............................Claire Thomas
Ogre….....................................John Baker Princess
Pretty…..........................Cassie Beske-Dunn
Rapunzel….................................Ian Dean Sleeping
Beauty…..........................Zach James
Snow White…...............................MacKenzie Reilly
Vampire…..................................Theo Guttenplan
Wearwolf….................................Toby Weed
Zombie…...................................Tyler Silbey
Curtain opens on a large group of princess/heroines sitting in a half
circle. There is a general feeling of panic among the women. They are
all taking to each other with urgency.
MOTHER GOOSE
Ladies, please. Pull yourselves together! Now let's not all jump to
conclusions about what is happening here in Fairy Tale Town, let's
simply talk about the facts! (Looks at Cinderella) what do you have
for us?
CINDERELLA Hi, I'm Cinderella.
ALL Hi Cinderella.
CINDERELLA
Well, it's not pretty I'll say that
much. I have very strong suspicions that Prince Charming may have been
compromised.
MOTHER GOOSE Compromised? In what way?
CINDERELLA
Well….
(Sound cue, other princesses wave scarfs)
(Vampire comes on stage in spotlight)
CINDERELLA (CONT'D) Hey there, do you want to go the
second annual Royal Ball?
VAMPIRE
Well, it might just be nice to stay
in, close the curtains, turn the lights down, get rid of that glare,
cover the mirrors, get rid of that garlic in the kitchen. And why
don't you put this on…(Black dress etc.)
MOTHER GOOSE
Oh my, vampire activity if I've
ever heard it. Anyone else? (Gretel raises her hand.)
MOTHER GOOSE (CONT'D)
You!
Hi, I'm Gretel
GRETEL
2.
ALL Hi Gretel.
GRETEL
Well, I am not sure if this is
anything to worry about or not…
ALL
Just tell us - Let's hear it etc.
GRETEL
OK, well I was awakened this
morning by my brother, Hansel, but instead of him bringing me my
morning Hot Coco and Schnitzel and saying good morning sister Gretel,
I could have sworn he said. 'awwooooooooooooo.'
ALL (General hubbub)
MOTHER GOOSE Oh my, a Wearwolf.
GRETEL Is it bad?
MOTHER GOOSE Yes, very bad.
(Points to Belle)
MOTHER GOOSE (CONT'D) Any information?
BELLE
Well, oh, hi, I'm Belle
ALL Hi Belle.
BELLE
Yeah well, as you all know my
husband is quite hideous.
MOTHER GOOSE
But I thought that he was turned
back into a handsome prince.
BELLE
He was, but it didn't last, and
frankly I kinda like the 'bad boy' look.
3.
MOTHER GOOSE Oh, well go on!
BELLE
Well I don't actually know what to
call it but last night he came home and, well, he looked so
different!
MOTHER GOOSE Oh, like a wolf?
BELLE
No.
What did he look like? (Sound cue, Beast enters, big reveal)
BELLE
Cute, he looked cute.(Turns to
Beast) You're cute.
BEAST
Come with me darling I have a
wonderful evening planned for us.
MOTHER GOOSE
Oh no. It can only be one thing.
ALL What, Tell us etc.
MOTHER GOOSE
It's a spell called 'Jaw dropping
cuteness personifiedeosis.'
CINDERELLA Is that bad?
MOTHER GOOSE
Yes, it renders sensible women
helpless. So overwhelmed by the cuteness that the spell creates that
you don't realize when the cute one goes too far and trys to take
over your mind!
No.
Like a vampire?
MOTHER GOOSE BELLE MOTHER GOOSE
4.
BELLE
Oh, no I don't think that happened,
we spent the evening doing things he's always liked doing, we
danced, on a bed of nails..walked on a high wire over a fire pit….OH
NO! HE DID FOOL ME.
MOTHER GOOSE
No use worrying yourself about that
now.
BELLE
Easy for you to say! I just
realized my feet really hurt!
MOTHER GOOSE
Ladies this is more terrible then I
could have imagined. We need to know it all. Speak up (points to
Little Red Riding Hood)
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD Hi, I'm Little Red, I prefer to be
called 'the hottie with the hoodie.'
ALL (over each other)
Hi Little Red! Hoodie. Girl.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD Well, it's like this, let me give
it to you in a rhyme…(gets ready to rap)
(ZOMBIE COMES OUT QUICKLY, STANDS THERE, READY TO RHYME.)
MOTHER GOOSE No time, speed it up!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD Woodsman is a Zombie.
MOTHER GOOSE
Ewww.
Tell me about it.
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
5.
MOTHER GOOSE
You! (points at Sleeping Beauty)
SLEEPING BEAUTY
Oh, well, I am just so tired that I
...
MOTHER GOOSE Did you forget something?
SLEEPING BEAUTY Oh, yeah, I'm Sleeping Beauty
ALL
Hi Sleeping Beauty
SLEEPING BEAUTY
Well as I was saying, I've been so
tired lately I don't know if I would have noticed anything out of
the norm. I mean, I married this huge guy, he's green, whatever.
What?
MOTHER GOOSE
SLEEPING BEAUTY Princy, you've met him, he's
enormous and very green. Now that I think about it I don't know why
he is called 'Charming.'
MOTHER GOOSE
How long have you been asleep?
SLEEPING BEAUTY Gosh, it was years, then Princy
kissed me, I woke up and then…gosh I don't know!
MOTHER GOOSE
OK, suffice it to say Sleeping
Beauty here napped through the Handsome Prince being transformed into
an Ogre!
SLEEPING BEAUTY
An Ogre? Well I don't know what to
say…(Puts her head down to nap)
PRINCESS PRETTY (Interrupting)
Um…hello? You skipped me!
6.
MOTHER GOOSE
Oh, I must be getting old, I don't
remember your name.
PRINCESS PRETTY Princess Pretty, but you can call
me 'Princess Pretty Oh so Pretty.'
ALL
Princess. Pretty. Oh so. Pretty
MOTHER GOOSE
I don't think that nickname is
going to work out.
PRINCESS PRETTY
OK, then, just Princess Pretty.
ALL
Hi Princess Pretty
Princess stares at everyone, big smile on face.
MOTHER GOOSE
Is there something that you want to
say?
PRINCESS PRETTY
Oh, um…I just want to say I am
having a great time!
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD You realize Fairy Tale Town is in
horrible danger.
PRINCESS PRETTY Girls, there is nothing more
comforting than a warm fresh-out-of- the-oven batch of butterscotch
brownies to brighten your day, and I just happen to have some right
here in my tote.
RAPUNZEL Mmmmm brownies!
MOTHER GOOSE
(Tapping her with pencil) No time
for that! Plus it'll go right to your hips.
7.
SNOW WHITE
Hi, I'm Snow White. Friends call me
Snow.
ALL Hi Snow!
SNOW WHITE
I hafta ask you? Don't Sleeping Beauty and I basically have the
same story? I mean we are both cursed both get kissed. We both have a
Handsome Prince, although hers sounds very unappealing. And what about
you Rapunzel? The stories seem too similar to me! I'm just
saying…Oh and my prince turned into an Ogre last night. AGAIN, VERY
SIMILAR!
MOTHER GOOSE
Well I am so sorry I made you all
happy! But I can't think about that right now. What do you have to
say Rapunzel?
RAPUNZEL Hi, I'm Rapunzel.
ALL Hi Rapunzel.
RAPUNZEL
And as for you,(looking at
Cinderella.) At least your Prince isn't called 'Handsome PRINCE.'
It's pathetic. Also, he turned into an Ogre.
MOTHER GOOSE
Hmmm. Very interesting, a Vampire,
a Wearwolf, a deceptively handsome Beast, and three Ogres.
RAPUNZEL
Well who do you think is behind
this?
ALL Really?
What?
RAPUNZEL
8.
ALL Wicked Step Mother.
RAPUNZEL Oh yeah, forgot.
PRINCESS PRETTY I'm sure it was a mistake.
MOTHER GOOSE
Quiet down Pretty. All of your evil
stepmothers powers were overcome by loves first or second maybe even
third kiss. This is far more tricky than any of your wickeds! OH NO!
ALL
What it is? What is going on?
MOTHER GOOSE
Well once upon a ... sorry…it's a
habit. I think I know who is at the bottom of this, and fixing this
will not be easy. We have to fight the most sinister of sinisters. The
most disgusting of disgustingers, someone I have battled since the day
he was born!
SLEEPING BEAUTY
Whoa there, wake up everybody, 'day
he was born?'
MOTHER GOOSE
It's my younger brother, Brother
Goose,
(Brother Goose runs on, sound cue)
MOTHER GOOSE (CONT'D) Although he changed his name years
ago. You might know him by 'Brother Grimm.'
[end of extract]
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