Rep by Michael Peach

This Play is the copyright of the Author and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent

CHARACTERS

CLIFTON MONTGOMERY The long-suffering Artistic Director of
Gristmill Repertory Theatre. 40-70ish. A veritable font of homilies
and clichés, he is nonetheless a highly qualified theatre professional
and is desperate to save his company from financial ruin.

LLOYD VINCENT Actor, 50-75ish. A former leading man for whom the
modern theatre is but a pale imitation of the glory days of his youth.
But in reality he was never as good as he would like to think he was.

VIVIAN HAVILLAND Actress, 50-75ish. A character actress well
steeped in the finest traditions of the theatre. Has a "slight" drinking
problem.

KEITH DANIEL Actor, 20-30ish. A young leading man. Uses a
"method" approach to his craft.

SYLVIA SIMMONS Actress, mid-to-late 30's. Although her looks
still reflect the young ingénue roles she's played in the past,
she's now more suited to middle aged character roles.

TRENT PHILLIPS The stage manager, mid-to-late 20's. A would-be
playwright.

GEORGINA "GEORGE" MURPHY The lighting designer. Fresh out of
college. A bit of a tomboy.

ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

SETTING: From the audience's point of view, the space is seen as
if from the backstage wall of a proscenium theater. Upstage a proscenium
arch and curtain are visible. Thusly, the action within this play, as well
as the plays-within-the-play, is seen from this backstage perspective

Stage left, in front of the proscenium, is a stage manager's table or podium,
and a telephone.

Stage right, in front of the wall extending from the proscenium
arch, is the prop table.

A doorway stage right of the prop table leads to a hallway by
which one might reach the catwalk or lighting/director's booth as
needed. A similar doorway is located in the stage left wings.

Spread about the periphery of the stage space are a few chairs and tables
as well as some assorted props for the three plays the company is working on.

A few scenic pieces, drops, blacks, etc. might also be seen in the wings.

There is a prop box or table, a costume rack with various costume pieces hanging
on it, and a large trunk. The costume racks may be moved back and forth between
the stage right and left wings as needed.

Dressing rooms, restrooms, green room, and back-stage entrances are offstage.

AT RISE: Everyone is seated around a table, scripts in hand, reading,
sipping water, tea or coffee, sizing one another up.

During the following, the actors will read from their scripts, without much familiarity
with the material, especially TRENT.

At some point near the end of the reading, GEORGE
enters unobtrusively and takes a seat in the wings,
watching quietly. She wears a cap, into which her
hair is tucked, oversized sweatshirt, jeans and work
shoes.

SYLVIA: "Your honor, I want to testify!"

KEITH: "No, Luana! You mustn't!"

VIVIAN: "Silence, Lieutenant! Ensign Luana Leigh, isn't it?
Why are you attending these proceedings?"

KEITH: "She isn't supposed to be here, your honor. Bailiff,
please escort this lady out of the court."

SYLVIA: "Don't let them do it, your honor! I'm the
defendant's alibi!"

LLOYD: "You mean you were with Lt. Acappella on the night in
question?"

TRENT: "Don't do this, Luana! You'll only implicate yourself!
They're trying to frame me, and they don't care who else is in
the picture."

SYLVIA: "I have to tell them, darling. Your honor, on the night
the alleged events took place, he was with me!"

VIVIAN: "I presume you meanat a motel, Ensign?"

SYLVIA: "That's presumptuous but correct, your honor."

LLOYD: "That's a clear violation of the uniform code of military
justice!"

SYLVIA: "No it isn't. We were naked."

KEITH: "Your honorthis woman isn't a credible witness!"

VIVIAN: "And why should the defense counsel not want you to
testify?"

SYLVIA: "Because, your honorI used to be his wife!"

TRENT: (Reading a stage direction) Pause. A stunned silence fills
the courtroom.

KEITH: "That's a lie, your honor!"

SYLVIA: "I admit we were never married in the legal sense, your
honor, butyears ago, when Captain Johnson and I were new recruits,
we were on a training mission in the South Seas. Our ship went down
in a typhoon. We were the only survivors. We were marooned on a
tropical island for a year before we were finally rescued." (She
thrusts her chest toward LLOYD'S face.) "That's why I was
awarded this medal for service"
(Turns a page.) "beyond the call of duty."

CLIFF: I think it would make more sense for you to show the medal to
the judge, Sylvia.

SYLVIA: (Giggles) Oh! Okay (Turns toward VIVIAN, but merely
points to where the medal would be pinned.) Blah, blah,
blah"for service beyond the call of duty."

VIVIAN: "So, Ensign Leigh, you claim that during this time you and
Captain Johnson lived as man and wife?"

SYLVIA: "Yes, your honor. We even had a native ceremony one night
beneath the full moon. I made garlands of flowers and we exchanged
them along with our names."

LLOYD: "Objection, your honor! The court can't be forced to
take a superior position regarding this mission simply because she
gave him a lei!"

TRENT: What an awful line! Is that supposed to be a Freudian slip?

KEITH: I've always preferred the Freudian teddy, myself.

CLIFF: We'll flesh out the playwright's intentions later. For
now just play it straight. Let's continue, please.

VIVIAN: "But you chose not to continue this relationship after
being rescued?"

SYLVIA: "You see, your honor, I'm just a poor girl from the
wrong side of the tracks. His mother said I wasn't good enough for
him."

KEITH: "Luana, I"

SYLVIA: "Oh, save it, Wayne!" (She pretends to remove a piece
of paper from within her blouse.) "Here is the receipt for our room
that night, your honor. It's always been one of my most treasured
possessions. I believe you'll be able to verify the signature."

CLIFF: Excuse me, Sylvia. Why were you hiding the receipt there?

SYLVIA: Well, I assumed that anyone coming into a military courtroom
might be searched, so I think she'd want to hide it where it
wouldn't be found.

KEITH: I'd have found it. Those lucky M.P.s, eh, Trent?

CLIFF: Okay, that makes sense. Go on, please.

VIVIAN: "I empathize with you, Ensign. I've had to fight to get
where I am today. All the odds were against me. They said I'd
never make it through law school, and you should have seen some of
them at the Pentagon when I made General! I thought they were all
confederates in a plot against me. But in spite of all the brass on
my chest, sometimes I still felt like a lost little girl, frightened
at finding herself where she doesn't belong. So in light of this
new evidence, this court will stand in recess until oh-four-hundred
hours tomorrow, at which time I will entertain a motion for dismissal
of the charges against Lt. Accappella. Dismissed."

TRENT: "Oh, darling!"

SYLVIA: "Sweetheart!"

VIVIAN: "Captain, I'll expect a full report of your past
relations with Ensign Leigh
on my desk" (Turns a page) "by oh-six-hundred hours. And
consider yourself lucky I'm not charging you with dereliction of
duty. Well, Col. Kornhoser, it looks like you won't have to
prosecute this case after all."

LLOYD: "That's a relief! Just like the Army to blow smoke at an
aspiring officer. Well, I wonder if I might have the honor of buying
your honora drink?"

VIVIAN: "I'd be honored, Colonel."

KEITH: "Well, Acappella, looks like it's your lucky day."

TRENT: "Oh, I don't know, Captain. Where this lady's
concerned, I've gotten lucky before."

KEITH: "Listen, Acappella, I didn't know about you and Luana
before. And if I had, you'd probably be singing a different tune
right now. Things wouldn't have turned out so harmoniously for you
if I'd been in Col. Kornhoser's place. But I don't want to sour
your victory song."

TRENT: "I hope there's no discord between us, Captain. For a
moment there, it seemed like things were really building to a
crescendo. Hey, maybe you'd like to sing at our wedding?"

KEITH: "Take a rest, Lieutenant."

TRENT: (Reading a stage direction) They exit, leaving Captain
Johnson alone, whistling. The end.

Everyone puts their scripts down, stretches, etc.

LLOYD: (Pulls out an expensive-looking pocket watch) Perfect
timing! By union rules, it's time for a break.

CLIFF: Alright, everyone, nice reading. Now remember, this is a
play about an important military treason trial, but it's also a
story about human relationships. We need to see love fighting against
the constraints of honor, rank, and duty to country. All's fair in
love and war, after all. Now obviously Trent won't be playing
Lieutenant Acappella, but as I told you when we started this morning,
I have a couple of surprises for you. After you've had a break,
I'll tell you who will be playing the starring roles in our three
plays, and I think you'll be quite pleased. But right now I want to
tell you about the other two plays we'll be performing this season.
I apologize for keeping you in the dark about them until now, but
we've only just received confirmation that we have the rights. In
addition to Law and Orders, we will also present the timeless classic,
All's Well That Ends, a story of murder, incest, betrayal and
revenge, courtly intrigue, famine, the ravages of the Black Plague,
but above all, love. In this play, King Usurp will be played by
Lloyd, Queen Trugerd will be played by Vivian, Princess Narcissa will
be played by Sylvia, Count Fountainbronze will be played by Keith, and
Shortwick, the fool, will be played byour mystery guest star. Our
final play will be the highbrow comedy of manners, The Sophisticates,
a story of discrimination, class warfare, chauvinism, colonialism and
exploitation, but of course in the end, love conquers all. The part
of family patriarch Sir Reginald Foxworth-Moore will be played by
Lloyd, his wife, Lady Clara Foxworth-Moore will be played by Vivian,
their son Gerald Foxworth-Moore will be played by Keith, Gerald's
fiancé Penelope Ashburn-Scott will be played by Sylvia, and the role
of Cavandish, the butler, will be played by our distinguished guest
artist. I hope you will find these assigned roles challenging and
stimulating to your creative abilities. And of course remember, there
are no small parts

LLOYD: Only smaller paychecks.

CLIFF: Ha-ha! Well, as they say, "the empty vessel makes the
greatest sound."

LLOYD: Thank you, Cliff. My fellow actors, when Clifton Montgomery
asked me to take part in this season here at Gristmill Repertory, I
was of course, thrilled. But, as I told him, an even greater thrill
for me will be the opportunity to share with you the wealth of my own
personal experiences as a laborer in the vineyards of Dionysus. Do
not be intimidated. As far as I'm concerned, we're all partners.
And Clifton Montgomery is to be commended for putting together a
situation wherein younger actors can apprentice with masters of the
craft. I hope you will feel free to ask me about anything, whether it
be questions of characterization, or motivation, or just to hear some
of the fascinating anecdotes which I love to share about my long and
illustrious career.

CLIFF: Well, I must say I'm thrilled with the blend of talents
we've got here. I remember watching Keith here, as Wheeler in The
Somnambulistic Ambulance, and thinking, "Who is this brilliant young
actor?"

KEITH: He was Walker in The Ambulatory Somnambulist, but thanks
anyway.

CLIFF: And we were overjoyed when a great lady of the theatre like
the incomparable Vivian Havilland agreed to take part in our season.
Weren't we, Trent?

TRENT: Oh, yes! We wereI mean arevery excited about that!


LLOYD: (Puts his arm around TRENT'S shoulder) I always find it
charming the way backstage folk like Kent here are so filled with
admiration for the skills and techniques of those of us who trod the
boards.

TRENT: Ahthat's Trent.

LLOYD: Right. And we who sweat beneath the footlights would be lost
without you. You're doing a grand job! Isn't he, everyone?

ALL: (Variously) Oh, yes! Very good! Great job! Hear, hear!

TRENT: Thanks. It's really

SYLVIA: We must all be kind, and help one another as much as we can.
Speaking for all of us, I'd just like to say what a thrill it is to
be working with a gifted director like Cliff. Your eye for talent is
legendary.

CLIFF: Thank you all. Actingis believing, ladies and gentlemen.
And I believe we have the makings of a truly great ensemble, here.
Well, tempis fugit. Take a break everyone.

Everyone gets up and mills about. GEORGE shyly attempts to approach
when there's a chance of catching someone alone, but backs away if
another approaches. She is never quite able to get close enough to
attract anyone's attention.

TRENT gathers props and positions tables and chairs.

KEITH: (Conspiratorially addresses VIVIAN and SYLVIA) Can you
believe these plays? Thank god we're getting paid anyway!

SYLVIA: I've never heard of any of them.

VIVIAN: I think we read them back when I was in high school. I'd
completely forgotten them!

KEITH: I guess that's Cliff's idea of practicing safe box
office. Must be a lot of senior citizen subscribers.

LLOYD: (Joins them) Well, I must say it's certainly going to be a
pleasure to be part of a season that doesn't affront the audience
with a lot of homo-erotic smut, self-indulgent angst, and pretentious
pseudo-intellectualism! I can't understand why so much drivel and
gratuitous violence gets produced these days.

VIVIAN: Why challenge an audience when you can offer up three of the
biggest turkeys in the history of the theatre?

LLOYD: These were considered classics when I first started out.

KEITH: And then mankind discovered fire

SYLVIA: Are the other two as bad as the one we just read?

VIVIAN: I can't understand what would make Cliff think any of them
are relevant to a modern audience.

KEITH: This is frontal lobotomy theatre! We could be accused of
human rights abuses, providing anyone stays awake beyond the first
scenes!

LLOYD: You'll think differently as rehearsals proceed. We'll
all come to love these plays for their stage worthiness, as well as
for their uncomplicated plots and their straightforward characters.

VIVIAN: On the bright side, we'll get them down so fast that in
five weeks, we can do them in our sleep.

SYLVIA: Let's just hope our special guest star isn't put off by
them.

CLIFF takes TRENT aside.

CLIFF: Well, what do you think of them?

TRENT: Umnot bad, I guess. They should be alright.

CLIFF: Is something the matter, Trent?

TRENT: I haven't had a chance to get the light plots started yet.
But I suppose I'll have more time after our guest star gets here.

CLIFF: OhI'm sorry, Trent. I forgot to tell youwe'll have
someone else designing the lights this season. I know you've always
done a splendid job with that in the past, but I've had to accept a
little nepotism this time around. The truth is, we've lost the
majority of our backers. Fewer and fewer of them are willing to
invest in us, and one of the last remaining benefactors we have signed
his check only on the condition that I hire his son, George, who it
seems is "rather taken with the theatre." So I agreed, figuring
the most harmless thing would be to have him do the lights. You'll
oversee their installation and focusing anyway. His father will be
content as long as George gets a credit in the program.

TRENT: Butwhat are his credentials? Do we even know if he's
any good at design?

CLIFF: I don't know. I wasn't in a position to ask. I
haven't even met him myself yet. He'll be showing up sometime
today. I know you're disappointed, but I'm relying on you to take
him under your wing. We're going to have to make some sacrifices if
we're going to survive.

TRENT: Survive? Are things really that bad?

CLIFF: Yes. I even had to allow Kenneth Masters to dictate the
plays we're doing.

TRENT: You mean you didn't actually choose them yourself? Thank
god! I couldn't understand how you

CLIFF: (Making sure the others can't hear them) In order to get
him to agree to be our guest star, I had to choose from a list he sent
me. Believe me, these are the best of a very disappointing lot. God
only knows when he was last in a real theatre production. That's
why I had to keep the titles secret for so long. No one would have
auditioned if they knew they were going to be seen in one of these,
let along all three! But that isn't even the worst of our problems.
I recently received a letter from the bank. Our mortgage is due and
they refuse to grant us another extension. Our only hope of avoiding
bankruptcy is to have a hit season.

TRENT: So that's why you spent so much of the budget to hire this
Masters guy!

CLIFF: Yes. With him as a draw, even if the others aren't that
good, we can still hope to fill the seats. The wolf is at the door,
but we've just got to get back up on that horse and keep riding.
Now, not a word to the others.

TRENT: You can count on me, boss. Wild horses couldn't make me
cry wolf.

VIVIAN: Oh, Trent! Have you got a gavel for me to use?

TRENT crosses to VIVIAN by the prop box. SYLVIA
approaches CLIFF.

SYLVIA: Cliff, I wanted to ask you something

CLIFF: Yes? What is it, my dear?

SYLVIA: (Leading him out of the others' hearing) Well, it's a
couple of things, actually. First, I wanted to thank you again for
hiring me.

CLIFF: Ahwellit was my pleasure. After all, that wasquite
an audition you gave.

SYLVIA: I hope you don't think I was justperforming. You're
such agifted director. I'm really excited aboutworking with
you.

CLIFF: YeswellI'm sure we'll both find itmutually
stimulating.

SYLVIA: And that brings me to my next question. It would really be
best if I could have my own dressing room. That way there would be
someplace privatefor that kind of intimate character work you're
so good at.

CLIFF: Yes, butwhat would I tell the others? There really
aren't enough rooms.

SYLVIA: Well, after what you said the other night, I just want to be
able togive you my best work. And it's so much easier if
there's a place where I can properly prepare.

CLIFF: UmyeswellI'll see what I might be able to arrange.
Meanwhile

SYLVIA: Oh, thank you, Monty! I'm sure you'll see that this way
I'll be able to bring so much morecommitment to my work.

CLIFF: Fine, ahfine! I'llexcuse me, won't you? Trent,
you might as well position the chairs for All's Well That Ends.

CLIFF escapes SYLVIA by crossing to TRENT, then busies himself
elsewhere.

KEITH: (To LLOYD) Hey, that's a nice watch!

LLOYD: Thank you. It was a gift from my fellow actors when I was
awarded "Best Actor" honors.

KEITH: And it still keeps good time, huh?

LLOYD: Yes, it does. Say, how about we play some cards after
rehearsal tonight?

KEITH: Well, I need to study my lines, but I don't suppose a
little card playing could hurt. Care to join us, Trent?

TRENT: Uh, no thanks. I just had kind of a bombshell dropped on me.
See, I've always designed the lights in previous seasons, and
now

KEITH: (Looks at LLOYD'S watch) Wow! Is it really that time
already? I've got to get something to eat. I'm hypoglycemic.
(Moves away)

LLOYD: Erme too. See you laterer (Moves away)

TRENT: Trent.

SYLVIA approaches TRENT

[end of extract]

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