Take Seven! by W Terrence Gordon
THE KAMA SUTRA QUIZ AND THE THREAD COUNT KING and QUEEN
CHARACTERS
ABBY- 30 to 50
BABS- 30 to 50
CAT- 30 to 50
DOT- 30 to 50
EFFIE- 30 to 50
FIL(OMENA) - 30 to 50
GIL(DA) 30 to 50
ABBY: Here we go with our Kama Sutra quiz. I know you've studied hard
BABS: Key word "hard."
CAT: I haven't been chained to the desk.
DOT: Not to the desk but to?
ABBY: No chains in the Kama Sutra. Bodies. Just bodies.
EFFIE: Sitting up in bed?
BABS: Key word "up."
FIL: Reading in bed?
ABBY: No reading in bed. The reed is in water. #171. Here it is. He
kneels upright as she lies semi-inverted with her legs along the front
of his body.
GROUP: Appreciative Oo's and Ah's.
CAT: Reed me some more, Mr. Big.
ABBY: Let's get going. I give the number, you name the
position. Ready? #183.
BABS: That's the first position!
GROUP: Hey! What! No way!
CAT: 1 to 182 is what? Foreplay?
DOT: What's #1?
ABBY: The missionary position is first, but it's not number one.
CAT: If one isn't first it's the numbers that are kinky, not the
positions.
EFFIE: What is #1?
ABBY: The shampooer.
FIL: Oh, baby! You're incredible! Will you do me again tomorrow
night?
GROUP: Laughter.
FIL: So what's #2? The manicurist?
BABS: That's #76.
ABBY: Good on you, Babs!
CAT: What?
ABBY: It's called fixing a nail.
FIL: Flossing each other in there anywhere?
ABBY: No but #261 is the toothpick.
BABS: Oral sex.
DOT: OK, #183 is the first position. So there's going to be what:
182 grooming tips before we get to the first position? You're gonna
look gorgeous but you'll be too tired to reach nirvana.
EFFIE: Reach nirvana!?! You'll be lucky if your guy doesn't get
dressed and go home without saying goodbye.
ABBY: 319.
FIL: What?
ABBY: #319 is the farewell.
BABS: If #183 is the first position, the farewell should be 184 to
reward the guy who stuck around while you did 1 to 182all by
yourself.
ABBY: Come on here. Focus! Focus! Ready? #121.
Nobody answers. They all look at each other. Some shake their heads,
some shrug.
ABBY: The scholar.
DOT: Hey, who's got time to read when you're
FIL: Or a free hand to hold a book open.
DOT: So tell us how it goes for the scholar.
ABBY: He pins you against the wall with his body and holds you up with
his thighs.
EFFIE: With just his thighs?
CAT: Now that is scholarship.
BABS: Not your usual pin-up.
FIL: I'm not even going to tell my husband about that one.
Enter Gil. Her arm is in a sling.
GIL: Tell him everything.
GROUP: Gil! You made it ! What happened to you?
GIL: I forgot to tell him that when I'm riding side saddle he
can't be a bucking bronco.
ABBY: 88, 248 or 288?
EFFIE: She's 121, the scholar. That's our Abby.
ABBY: Horse at full gallop, the race horse, or the running horse?
GIL: I guess any one of them would be going fast enough to give me a
broken arm, but we were doing the sitting monkey.
GROUP: Scattered laughter.
GIL: I should have sklpped the pure nirvana note.
EFFIE: Tell us, tell us.
GIL: Lean back on your hands and thrust your hips. That's when he
bucked.
ABBY: Gil, maybe we should get you to give us a little presentation
at the next meeting on the ten safest positions.
GIL: Sure, I'm going to have a little extra time on my handswell,
hand.
CAT: OK, so we've got a monkey in there that's just as dangerous
as the three horses.
GIL: (Hesitantly) Actually, there's another monkey in there.
CAT: Tell us.
GIL: Welluh
DOT: Wrong time to go shy on us, Gil.
ABBY: It's the monkey embrace.
GIL: (Surprised and relieved) Yes.
EFFIE: You and Joe should have settled for that one, Gil.
GIL: Who told you I was with Joe?
GROUP: Oh! Oh! Hoo-ee! Yeah! Mm-mm!
ABBY: And you just might know one more, Gil.
GIL: Why is everyone picking on me?
ABBY: OK, I'll say it for you. #320. The singing monkey.
FIL: There's got to be more to it.
BABS: Oh, yes. He coordinates music and orgasm.
GROUP: OK! All right! Hey! Name that tune!
CAT: His orgasm, hers, or both?
BABS: The KS says the music is supposed to be opera. I read that a
woman killed her husband because he started to sing the SpongeBob
theme song when she was getting ready to climax.
CAT: I would have killed the bugger too.