The Bare Truth by Howard Brown

This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent

ACT I
Scene 1

SETTING: JACK and BETTY’s living room in South Florida

It opens on a lanai that runs the length of the room

A pool is located off stage, right, a continuation of the lanai that cannot be seen

The main entrance to the house is through a foyer, left, and cannot be seen

The kitchen is located offstage, down left. Bedrooms, baths, etc. are offstage, right

The room is simply but attractively furnished: sofa, armchairs and a
lounge chair. A bar is located downstage of the kitchen entrance

It is a spacious room, with a few Ben Shahn prints on the walls, left
and right. Sliding glass doors open to the lanai, giving the room an
open, airy feeling. Palms and bottlebrush beyond the lanai contribute
to the feeling of the room continuing to the outside world

AT RISE: Friday afternoon: JACK, BETTY, LLOYD and EVE are having drinks

JACK and BETTY are casually dressed, well- tanned LLOYD and EVE even more so

J.D. enters, right, through the lanai

J.D.
You need to watch your sprinkler setting more carefully, Dad. Twenty
minutes a zone, and you have five zones.

JACK
I’ll keep an eye on it, J.D. Have you met Lloyd and Eve –?

J.D.
Sure, sure – the friendly neighbors. Good to see you.

LLOYD/EVE
Hello – Good to see you – How’re you doing – (etc.)

JACK
My son, the dentist – excuse me, oral surgeon.

BETTY
We are so proud of him.

J.D.
Cut it out, Mom. I’ve been practicing for over fifteen years.
You’d think I just got out of dental school.

LLOYD
Say, Doc, I’ve got this problem with my teeth –
(he sticks his fingers in his mouth)
See? What I mean?
(removing his fingers) I keep biting my tongue! (he laughs)

EVE
Lloyd! Honestly!

J.D.
No, no, that’s okay. I can fix that for you, Lloyd, if you don’t
mind eating through a straw.

LLOYD
You got me there, J.D.! Thanks, but no thanks!

EVE
A fix without teeth has no bite. A big-time gambler told me that.
(pause)
Something to do with horse racing.

BETTY
Where is Terri?

J.D
Oh, fussing with your garden, digging around.

BETTY
I wish she wouldn’t do that.

J.D.
You’re new to Florida, Mom, and she’s an old hand at native plants –

BETTY
But really, dear, I can manage my own garden.

JACK
Yeah, you kids have better things to do than spend your time checking
up on the old folks.

(Enter TERRI, main entrance, left)

TERRI
Betty, you really ought to hire a yardman. The Bougainvillea is going
wild, and – Oh, hello – Lloyd isn’t it? And Eve! How nice to see you.

EVE
Hello, Terri.

LLOYD
How’re ya doing, kid? Good to see you again.

TERRI
You’ve become real friends of Mom and Dad, haven’t you?

EVE
Well, we are next-door neighbors.

LLOYD
Might as well be friends.

JACK
Wouldn’t want him for an enemy. It’s been known to happen.

EVE
The couple in this house before you were – well, no, I won’t say
it. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all, I always say.

LLOYD
Aloof, but very nosey.

J.D.
Is that why you have those high shrubs and palms between your houses?

EVE
Oh, those! We put those in years ago, to hide the pool.

LLOYD
Got them on the other side of the house, too.

EVE
And in back – to hide the pool from the dock.

TERRI
To hide the pool?

LLOYD
Yes, the pool is our Eden, our own Secret Garden.

EVE
We love to sun bathe.

LLOYD
Moon bathe, too – and swim, of course.

TERRI
It must be lovely. Are you just coming from a swim?

LLOYD/EVE
No.

(laughing)

EVE
I know, we always look like we’re either coming from or heading to
the pool. We’re terrible, but that’s how we are.

LLOYD
The ever-casual Mortons!

(They laugh, and hug each other.)

JACK
Drinks, anyone?

J.D.
No thanks, Dad, Terri and I have to be on our way.

TERRI
Melody will be home from school, soon.

J.D.
Ted has soccer practice. Team expects to take State this year. Won’t
see him till dinnertime.

TERRI
We’ll be back, don’t worry. Betty, I will bring you a short list
of lawn maintenance people – really good people, and reasonable. Bye
now!

J.D.
Oh, Dad, did you make the spare key yet?

JACK
Not yet, J.D., I’ll get around to it.

J.D.
I can do it for you.

JACK
No, no, I’ll do it.

TERRI

It’s important, Jack – for emergencies.

J.D.
Home Depot, Loews – any hardware store can make a key.

JACK
It’s on my to-do list, J.D. Top of the list.

J.D.
Okay, Dad. Bye-bye!

(Exit, TERRI and J.D.)

JACK
Top of the list, like hell.

BETTY
Now, Jack –

JACK
Now-Jack-nothing. That’s all we need. J.D. would pop in here any
time he feels the urge to check up on us –
The old folks! You’d think a dentist wouldn’t have so much free time.

BETTY
Oral surgeon, dear.

JACK
And Judith is just the same.

BETTY
Our daughter. She found this house for us; she’s a realtor, a real
estate broker. We told her we wanted to live on the water – with a
dock, of course – and a pool.

JACK
Florida: if you don’t play on the links, you play on the water. I
don’t play golf.

LLOYD
Never took to the game, myself. Now, tennis –

JACK
Don’t play tennis either.

LLOYD
Neither do I.

EVE
Lloyd loves to watch others play. Oh, but we do play volleyball.
Wonderful exercise, very aerobic.

LLOYD
So, it was Judith who found this gem for you?

JACK
Yes, and no sooner had she handed over the keys she told us she kept a
spare one for herself – just in case.

LLOYD
For emergencies –

JACK
You got it. The old folks can’t be trusted. They might go to bed and
forget to put out the cat.

BETTY
And we don’t have a cat.

JACK
So what I did was I had all the locks changed. She came over early one
morning, and couldn’t get in. Woke us up with the doorbell ringing
and her pounding – very upset, of course. I told her we lost one of
the keys and knew she’d be upset about that, so we had all the locks
changed. Said I’d get her a spare as soon as I could.

BETTY
That was weeks ago.

JACK
She hasn’t got it yet, and she’s not going to.

EVE
We only met Judith briefly, shortly after you moved in. She seems all
business — and a bit driven.

JACK
She’s forty, divorced and raising a teenager. It doesn’t get much
worse than that.

BETTY
(warning him)
Jack…

JACK
On the other hand, she makes a lot of money.

LLOYD
Yes, money solves a lot of problems.

JACK
Don’t get me wrong; Judith works hard – a real go-getter – gets
that from me. I built a business from nothing –

BETTY
It was his father’s business.

JACK
And it was nothing, believe me. Well, nothing to speak of
– a small accounting firm. Took nearly fifty years to build it up,
but when I sold my share – Ahh, I don’t want to brag. Let’s just
say we did very well.

BETTY
Very well indeed, dear. You should be proud.

JACK
I am proud, and I’m proud of the kids, too. I just wish they’d
back off.

LLOYD
I’ve got to hand it to you: taking a business, building it up and
selling it – that’s beyond me. Way out of my league.

BETTY
But you seem to have done so well.

LLOYD
I got lucky.

EVE
We won the lottery, up in New Jersey. Power Ball.

LLOYD
I don’t pretend we deserve it, but there it is.

EVE
A lifetime of just getting by, and we hit the jackpot.

JACK
Well, I’ll be… How did you ever –?

LLOYD
I picked the right numbers. It does happen; it happened for us.

EVE
And we were smart enough to invest wisely.

LLOYD
Or wise enough to invest smartly. Either way, we came up roses.

BETTY
I don’t know what to say. Congratulations!

JACK
In all my years I never met a lottery winner.

LLOYD
You’ve met one now – two, in fact!

EVE
(snuggling up to him) We count as one, darling.

LLOYD
I hope you won’t hold it against me, Jack, or think less of me just
because of a lucky break.

JACK
What are you saying! Of course not! I am absolutely amazed!

(The DOORBELL rings.)

BETTY
Oh, there’s the door. I’ll just see who it is.

(Exit BETTY.)

JACK
The lottery.

LLOYD
Power Ball. Only in America!

JACK
I’ll be darned.

EVE
Say, if we’re going to Romero’s for dinner, we better get a leg
on.

LLOYD
Eve and I need to head back to the house and change. You and Betty are
fine as you are, but we are way too casual for Romero’s. What do you
say, Eve?

EVE
(laughing)
Talk about casual, they should catch us at home!

(Enter BETTY with JUDITH, who is smartly dressed for business.
JUDITH leads the way, obviously in a rush.)

BETTY
Look who just dropped by for a visit.

JUDITH
I have a house to show in thirty minutes –

JACK
Judy! You’ve met our neighbors, the Mortons, Lloyd and Eve?

JUDITH
Yes! I believe so – the day you moved in –

EVE
We brought over a key lime pie –

LLOYD
Home made –

JUDITH
A pie, yes, good to see you again.

EVE
It’s so nice to see you.

JUDITH
Yes, thank you – excuse me, I’m in a bit of a rush.

BETTY
She has a house to show.

JUDITH
In thirty minutes – or less. I’ll make this quick. It’s Lila.
She didn’t make the cheerleading squad and she’s heart-broken.

JACK
But she’s only – what? – a sophomore. You didn’t make
cheerleaders till you were a junior, sixteen years old.

JUDITH
I know, but she’s heart-broken.

JACK
She’s fifteen years old, Judy. She’ll get over it.

[End of Extract]