The Interviews by Brian Jagger

This Play is the copyright of the Author and must not be Copied or Performed without the Author's prior consent

ACT I

SETTING:

GARY's office. This consists of a simple desk with
office chair and two chairs in the middle of the
office, with a small table in between them. The
desk is downstage right cheated out. The first
chair, chair one, is the closest to Gary's desk.
The other chair, chair two, has its back angled
between the main office door and the side door.
There are two doors to the office, one that is
centered upstage between the two chairs and one
stage left in the upstage corner facing the op
side. There is a picture of Hawaii on the upstage
wall between the side door and main office door.
The time on the clock says 8:13.

AT RISE:

GARY walks in from the main door located center
stage. Gary is a Branch Manager for a sales
organization. He is a rather ordinary man in his
mid to late 30's who is comfortable wearing his
suit. He walks over to his desk, sits down turns
on his computer and starts to read through the
papers on his desk. The phone rings and he answers
it.

GARY
This is Gary… Oh, hi honey… Yes, yes I know our
flight leaves at three… Yes, I got the post-it note
you left on the fridge
(He holds up the post it note)
Yes, I got the ones on the garage door and my steering
wheel too.
(Holds up two more post it notes)
Yes, yes I'm exited too.
(JASON enters through the side door and
invites himself to sit down in chair
two. He puts his feet up on the center
table, which obviously upsets GARY.
Jason is an employee at the same company
as Gary and works for Gary. He is about
the same age but a more fun-loving and
free willed individual who takes life
much less serious than Gary. Gary is
still talking on the phone)
JASON
Ahh, you sound like newlyweds. I forget, how long has
it been?
GARY
This trip is to celebrate our five year wedding
anniversary. Remember, you were at our wedding?
JASON
Oh, yeah…
GARY
Plus we dated for two years before that.
JASON
Seven years together, huh, my relationships don't last
seven minutes.
GARY
(Sarcastically)
Wonder why.
JASON
So when's your flight leave?
GARY
3PM this afternoon.
JASON
(Counts on his fingers)
That's less than seven hours from now! Just think, in
no time at all you'll be crammed in a little seat on a
big plane for five hours with total strangers. Sounds
like fun.
(GARY gives him a courtesy laugh)
Wait, if you're leaving today, why are you even here?
GARY
I had a few things I needed to wrap up, I'll leave
soon. As long as I leave by one I should be okay.
JASON
Well, because we're friends, I will begrudgingly take
on any task you assign me to help you out today and for
the time you're gone.
GARY
No, you'll take on any task I give you because you're
my employee.
JASON
Oh, well there's that too. Anyhow, what can I do to
help?
GARY
Actually, looking through this paperwork, I think I'm
okay. I may even be able to get out of here before one.
JASON
Good for you. Wow, Hawaii, that's great. I'm really
happy for you guys.
GARY
Have you ever been?
JASON
To where, Hawaii? No, I've never been anywhere out of
the United States.
GARY
Jason, Hawaii part of the United States.
JASON
What? No it's not
(Pauses to think)
What state is it in?
GARY
Never mind.
(Stops, stands up and smiles, walks in
front of his desk and stops)
I am really happy to finally take Mary to Hawaii. As
excited as I am, she's ten times as excited. She's been
dreaming about this for a long time.
(Picks up picture of Mary from the desk)
Neither of us have ever been, we've practically been
saving our entire married life for this. As you may
recall, we never had a honey-moon so this trip kinda is
to correct that.
JASON
(Suggestively)
Ahhh… then you should have a realllllll good time!
GARY
(Gives Jason a dirty look)
You can't get to me today. Nothing could ruin this day.
(Walks back behind desk and sits down)
This is the day I finally take the love of my life on
her long overdue honey-moon.
(There is a door knock sound which is
quickly followed by the BOSS entering
through the side office door. The BOSS
is an individual in their fifties who is
BOSS
Gary, Jason. How are the two of you today?
GARY AND JASON
Good.
GARY
Real good. Didn't expect to see you here today Boss,
you here to make sure I have everything covered before
I leave? Well don't worry, it's all covered.
BOSS
Not exactly. You know your counterpart from over at the
cross-town office?
GARY
Who, Rick? Yeah, I know Rick.
BOSS
Well, he called in sick. I need you to take over doing
the interviews he had scheduled for today. I need you
to hire a new sales rep for his office before you
leave.
GARY
But Boss, my wife and I leave for our Hawaiian vacation
today! My flight leaves at three, I have to leave here
by one o'clock, remember?
BOSS
Yes, I remember…
GARY
(Gary sighs with relief)
Oh thank God!
BOSS
That's why I've had Becky at cross-town call all the
interviews and tell them to come here instead. First
one should be here shortly.
(GARY again sighs but instead in
disappointment)
You've always said work comes first, well, this is
important. Last week I promised corporate we'd be fully
staffed at the cross-town branch by the end of today.
GARY
But I leave at 1 o'clock!
BOSS
(Points at Gary)
Not if you haven't hired the new sales representative
you don't! And don't even think about just hiring the
(MORE)
BOSS (cont'd)
first person you meet. If you hire a dud, I'll transfer
them over here and give Rick your best salesperson,
permanently.
JASON
Careful Gary, you wouldn't want to lose me.
BOSS
(Looks down at Jason)
I said his best salesperson.
(JASON looks offended. BOSS turns back
to Gary)
I have to head to the north-town branch to take care of
another issue, I'll be back later to check in.
(He turns and starts to walk towards the
side office door stopping short to turn
to Gary)
Remember, no hire, no Hawaii. Got it?
GARY
Yeah, I got it.
(BOSS leaves through side office door.
GARY slumps in to his desk chair.)
JASON
Boy, I so would not want to be you right now.
GARY
Thanks for your support.
JASON
I'm just saying, from how excited you've been telling
me Mary is, whew, well, I'm just saying, you'd better
hire one of those interviews or your goose is cooked.
GARY
Don't you think I know that? If the first person can
talk clearly and form coherent sentences, they're
hired.
JASON
Be careful, if you try to hire just anybody, you may
not have a job when you get back.
(The phone rings, GARY answers it.)
GARY
This is Gary. What? Already? Okay, send them over.
(GARY hangs up the phone, then looks to
Jason)
JASON
(Gives Gary a sarcastic salute)
Aye-Aye Captain
(JASON walks over, opens the side office
door, walks out and shuts the door
behind him. There is a knock at the
door, GARY gets up and opens it.
Standing there is Lucy, a younger woman
way under-dressed for an interview and
carrying a young baby in a front
carrier.)
LUCY
Good morning.
GARY
Um, good morning. Can I help you?
LUCY
You sure can.
GARY
(Pauses)
And how can I help you?
LUCY
By giving me the job!
GARY
You're here for an interview?
LUCY
Yup. I'm Lucy.
GARY
Um, okay, hi Lucy, I'm Gary. I see you brought someone
with you today.
LUCY
Oh yeah, where are my manners? My mama brought me up
better than that, I'm sorry.
(Pauses)
This is Sarah, say hello Sarah.
(LUCY waves the baby arm at GARY)
GARY
I see.
(Pauses)
So you brought your baby to the job interview.
LUCY
Well I couldn't leave her at home silly!
GARY
Uh-huh, well, why don't you have a seat?
(Motions towards chair two, LUCY walks
to it and sits. While she waits for Gary
to sit, LUCY plays with her baby)
I have to apologize. Since you were originally supposed
to interview with Rick at our cross-town location, I
don't have your resume.
LUCY
I don't have it either.
GARY
Okay, we'll just have to do without for now.
(GARY walks from behind chairs to sit in
chair one)
Can you tell me a little about yourself? For example,
what line of work have you been in the last few years?
LUCY
Well, for the last three years I have focused on one
thing and one thing only; getting on Survivor.
GARY
Survivor, the reality show? Really? How many times have
you auditioned?
LUCY
Well, none. But I've been thinking about it.
GARY
Huh, okay. Well, what kind of work are you interested
in? You know, besides eating rats and attending tribal
councils?
LUCY
Oh, whatever. I ain't picky.
GARY
Well, what sort of skills do you have?
LUCY
Skills huh? You need those do you?
GARY
It helps.
LUCY
What kind do you want?
GARY
Well, we are hiring for Sales Representatives, do you
have any sales experience?
LUCY
I sold Girl Scout cookies when I was a kid.
GARY
Okay, but nothing more recent?
LUCY
No, I've been a full-time Mom.
GARY
Nothing wrong with that. That's very admirable. It's
also great you want to work, both are fine choices.
LUCY
Not much of a choice really. With my husband back in
prison, I need the money.
GARY
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
LUCY
I'm not. Boy, if he ever finds out it was me who called
the cops on him, he's gonna be real mad.
GARY
Uh, huh.
LUCY
All I had to do was call his parole officer and tell
'em my husband was sociating with known felons and he
was gone.
(She pauses)
That'll teach 'em to flirt with my sister.
GARY
Well Lucy, I think I have all I need. We'll let you
know.
LUCY
Let me know what?
GARY
Never mind.

[end of extract]