The Meeting by Bob Galley

This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent

CAST: DAVID:(DAVE) The chairman of the club.
RHONDA:David's wife, the secretary.
NORM: A committee member; a man of few words.
BETTY: A committee member. A large lady.
ALF: A committee member; a man always in a rush.
ANN: The treasurer.
PETER: A committee member; a knocker.
GLENYS:Peter's wife; another committee member.

THE PLAY IS SET IN THE 80’s, BEFORE PERSONAL COMPUTERS AND MOBILE PHONES WERE IN COMMON USE.THE ACTION TAKES PLACE AT THE HOME OF DAVID AND RHONDA. THE ROOM IS FURNISHED WITH ONE LARGE TABLE AND SOME SMALLER ONES WITH CHAIRS ARRANGED AROUND THEM. THERE ARE ENTRANCES FROM THE OUTSIDE AND INTERNALLY TO THE KITCHEN, BEDROOM AND BATHROOM. THERE IS A SMALL TELEPHONE TABLE. THE PHONE IS RINGING.

RHONDA: [FROM OFF STAGE] Could you answer that please
David?

[DAVID ENTERS FROM THE BATHROOM. HE IS DRESSED ONLY IN A TOWEL. HE ANSWERS THE PHONE]

DAVID: Hello ---yes Ann -----Righto—

[RHONDA ENTERS, FULLY DRESSED BUT SHE HAS NOT YET DONE HER HAIR. SHE PLACES PENS AND NOTE PAPER ON THE TABLE. SHE PICKS UP A MAGAZINE WHICH IS ON THE TABLE AND MOVES OVER TO DAVID]

No, I don't think that will worry us too much,
Ann.----- Righto Ann.--- See you later, Ann.

[HE PUTS THE PHONE DOWN AND TURNS TO RHONDA]

That was Ann.

RHONDA: Oh?

DAVID: She'll be late.

RHONDA: But she's the treasurer.

DAVID: Yes.

RHONDA: But-- but we can't get very far without a financial statement.

DAVID: I don't see why. There aren't any finances.

RHONDA: But-- but we must decide about the membership
fees and –

[DOORBELL RINGS]

-Oh! Someone's here already. My hair! You'll have to answer it.

[SHE QUICKLY LOOKS FOR SOMEWHERE TO PUT THE MAGAZINE. SEEING NO OBVIOUS PLACE SHE THRUSTS IT IN DAVID'S HAND AND EXITS HURRIEDLY TO THE BEDROOM. DAVID LOOKS AROUND FOR SOMEWHERE TO PUT THE MAGAZINE. HE TOSSES IT BACK ON THE TABLE. HE OPENS THE DOOR AND NORM ENTERS, STARTLED BY DAVID'S DRESS.]

DAVID: Hello, Norm.

NORM: G'day.

DAVID: Come in.

NORM: Thanks.

[NORM STEPS INTO THE ROOM]

DAVID: You're a bit early.

NORM: It's two o'clock.

DAVID: Is it?

[HE LOOKS AT HIS WRIST WHICH IS WATCHLESS.
NORM'S WATCH PINGS TWICE]

Well, sit down Norm. Would you like a drink?

NORM: Wouldn't mind.

DAVID: Stubby?

NORM: Thanks.

[DAVID EXITS TO THE KITCHEN. NORM LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM; NOTICES THE MAGAZINE AND TAKES IT TO A CHAIR. HE SITS AND STARTS TO READ AS RHONDA ENTERS FROM THE BEDROOM STARTLING HIM.]

RHONDA: Oh! Hello Norm. Don't get up. Would you like a
drink?

NORM: I think Dave was –

RHONDA: Won't be a minute.

[SHE EXITS TO THE KITCHEN AS DAVID ENTERS FROM THE BEDROOM WITH A STUBBY WHICH HE HANDS TO NORM]

DAVID: Here you are mate.

NORM: Thanks.

DAVID: Well, I'd better get ready; you O.K. for a while?

NORM; Yeah.

[DAVID EXITS TO THE BEDROOM. NORM HAS A SIP OF THE BEER AND THEN PLACES THE STUBBY ON THE FLOOR, WHERE IT IS NOT SEEN BY RHONDA, WHO ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN. SHE CARRIES A TRAY WITH GLASS AND ANOTHER STUBBY. SHE PUTS THE TRAY ON A TABLE AND POURS A GLASS WHICH SHE HANDS TO NORM]

RHONDA; I'm really surprised David didn't get you a drink.Well I really must go and attend to a few things. You'll excuse me won't you?

[RHONDA EXITS TO THE KITCHEN. NORM SIPS THE BEER AND THUMBS THROUGH THE MAGAZINE. HE MOVES OVER TO THE MAIN TABLE AND RETURNS WITH A PEN TO START ON THE CROSSWORD. THE DOOR BELL RINGS. HE SEES NO-ONE IS GOING TO ANSWER. HE OPENS THE DOOR. BETTY ENTERS]

BETTY: Hello, Norm. How are you?

NORM: Alright. Yourself?

BETTY: Not so good Norm. Got that awful wog that was
going around 'bout a month ago now - just can't
seem to shake it - never been quite the same since I had me gall out. Have you had it?

NORM: No.

BETTY: You're so lucky. I haven't felt so washed out for ages.

[SHE PUTS HER LARGE HANDBAG ON THE TABLE]

Just don't seem to have any energy.

[SHE COLLAPSES INTO A CHAIR AS DAVID, NOW DRESSED, ENTERS FROM THE BEDROOM]

Oh, hello David, how are you?

DAVID: I'm fine Betty. How are you?

BETTY: I was just telling Norm - I got this wog a few weeks ago. I haven't been the same since.

[RHONDA ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN]

RHONDA: Betty, how are you?

NORM: Don't ask.

BETTY: I was just saying, since I got this virus; pains in the neck---

RHONDA; Now that everyone's arriving I'll get some hors- d'oeuvres.

BETTY: May I help dear?

RHONDA: No, I can manage, thank you.

BETTY: No, dear, I insist.

[SHE FOLLOWS RHONDA TO THE KITCHEN]

I was just saying, I've never been the same since me operation.

DAVID: She never shuts up about her bloody operation.

[NORM SIPS HIS BEER]

That's a good idea. Think I'll join you.

[DAVID EXITS TO THE BEDROOM. NORM CONTINUES WITH THE CROSSWORD AS THE DOOR BELL RINGS. AS BEFORE, HE REALIZES NO-ONE ELSE IS GOING TO ANSWER. HE OPENS THE DOOR. ALF ENTERS]

ALF: Good afternoon, Norm. Where are Dave and Rhonda?

NORM: Inside.

ALF: I'm afraid I'm running a little late; you see I was obliged to collect my young lad from hockey, then I must be available for another meeting at four, so I do hope this won't take too long. What do you think we should do about the membership fee?

NORM: Depends.

ALF: It depends on what?

NORM: On how much we got.

ALF: Yes, of course. I recommend that we increase it to twenty dollars.

NORM: Too much.

ALF: Too much! It's not too much. What's twenty dollars these days?

NORM: Too much.

ALF: Don't be silly, Norm. You're absolutely miles out of date. Oh! dear, I was hoping there would be no disagreement, I really am in an awful hurry.

[ENTER BETTY WITH A PLATE OF SAVOURIES].

Hello, Betty. How are you?

BETTY: Not so good, Alf? I was telling Rhonda, I just can't seem to budge this wretched 'flu'.

ALF: Oh! I am sorry to hear that.

[ENTER DAVID WITH A STUBBY FROM BEDROOM]

DAVID: Hello, Alf. Rhon, Alf's here. Let's see, there's five of us.

[ENTER RHONDA WITH MORE TRAYS WHICH SHE PLACES ON THE TABLES]

ALF: Well, shall we start then?

RHONDA: We shouldn't really start, we don't have a quorum.

BETTY: How many is that, dear?

RHONDA: Six.

DAVID: We've got five, and Ann's coming.

ALF: Well, let's get on with it. I am on a very tight schedule.

RHONDA: Has everyone a drink? Norm, Betty, Alf?

BETTY: Not for me. I'm not sure about these new tablets.

NORM:[HOLDING UP TWO STUBBIES] I'm O.K.

ALF: Not for me. I have a lot of driving to do. Fetching the children. It never stops.

DAVID: I suggest we make a start. I'll ask the secretary to read the minutes.

RHONDA: N, no, no. First the apologies.

DAVID: O! yes. Any apologies?

BETTY: Ann did say she'd be late. She said Fred's not well. He's probably got the same wog I've got.

DAVID: Ann rang here too. Any other apologies?

ALF: I believe Jim and Carol are away on vacation.

RHONDA: Yes, they went to visit Carol's sister in Adelaide.

BETTY: I hear she hasn't been too well lately.

RHONDA: Has anyone heard from Oscar?

DAVID: He hasn't been to a meeting for months. What about Peter and Glenys?

RHONDA: I really don't know.

DAVID: Any other apologies? Then we'll proceed to the minutes.

NORM: Bob.

DAVID: What, Norm?

NORM: Bob.

DAVID: I don't follow.

NORM: Sends his apologies.

RHONDA: Did he say why?

NORM: Gone.

ALF: What?

NORM: Bob's gone.

BETTY: I didn't know. He always looked so well. Mind you, he did drink a little too much.

DAVID: What happened Norm?

NORM: Bob's gone.

RHONDA: Gone.

NORM: Yeah.

ALF: When?

NORM: Last week. Sends his apologies.

DAVID: What happened, Norm?

NORM: He left.

DAVID: Why?

NORM: New job; in Sydney.

RHONDA: I suppose that means he won't be attending any more meetings.

BETTY: That could be a terrible mistake- that smog can really upset the chest.I had terrible trouble with my bronicals in Sydney.

ALF: Could we please get on with it.

DAVID: O.K. No more apologies? I'll ask Rhonda to read the minutes.

RHONDA: We really shouldn't without a quorum.

ALF: Could we please get on with it.

DAVID: Rhonda, would you read the minutes please.

RHONDA:[UNDER PROTEST] "The minutes of the meeting of---"

[THE DOORBELL RINGS]

That will be Ann.

[DAVID EXITS]

DAVID:[OUTSIDE] Wait a minute.[HE RE-ENTERS]
Rhon, have you got a couple of dollars?

RHONDA: What for, dear?

DAVID: Red Cross, I think.

RHONDA: Oh yes.

[SHE EXITS TO THE BEDROOM]

ALF: There are far too many of these collections.

BETTY: I'm sure it's for a good cause. What did you say it was, Dave?

DAVID: Red Cross, I think.

BETTY: Yes, a very worthwhile organization.

[SHE TAKES HER BAG AND AFTER EMPTYING NUMEROUS ITEMS ON THE TABLE, INCLUDING SEVERAL PILL BOTTLES, FINDS HER PURSE AND GIVES MONEY TO DAVID.NORM HANDS SOME MONEY TO DAVID AS WELL]

NORM: Here.

[RHONDA ENTERS AND HANDS DAVID SOME MONEY]

RHONDA: Here you are, dear.

ALF: I suppose I mustn't be the odd man out.

[HE ALSO HANDS SOME MONEY TO DAVID, WHO EXITS]

Let us hope there are no further interruptions. Do you realize that last week alone I had five, mind you, five letters all of them asking for money?

RHONDA: Help yourselves to the hors d'oeuvres, everyone.

ALF: It just never stops.

RHONDA: As soon as David returns we can press on; but we should wait for a quorum.

ALF: He is taking his time.

[DAVID RETURNS AND HANDS RECEIPTS TO THE OTHERS]

DAVID: Sorry about the delay. [HE SITS] Now where were we?

ALF: About to read the minutes.

RHONDA: "The minutes of---"

[PHONE RINGS, DAVID ANSWERS]

ALF: Yet another delay.

DAVID: Hello--- yes, he's here--- Alf.

[ALF TAKES THE PHONE]

ALF: Hello---- right this minute!-----Oh! I suppose I have no choice.

[HE PUTS THE PHONE DOWN]

My apologies; I'm afraid I have to go. Hopefully I'll be back later.

[HE EXITS]

RHONDA: There's no quorum now.

DAVID: Time is getting along so let's have a general discussion and get back to the formalities later.

BETTY; Excuse me, dear.

[SHE MOVES OVER TO RHONDA AND WHISPERS]

RHONDA: Down the corridor, second left.

BETTY; Thank you dear.

[SHE EXITS TO THE BATHROOM]

DAVID: Norm, what do you think about the membership fee?

NORM:[LOOKING UP FROM THE CROSSWORD] What about it?

DAVID: How much should we set it at? I reckon twenty dollars.

NORM: That's what Alf said.

RHONDA: I think that's perfectly reasonable; but we should wait for our treasurer. When did she say she was coming?

DAVID: Any time now.

NORM: Too much.

DAVID: What?

NORM: Twenty dollars; too much.

DAVID: What's twenty dollars these days?

NORM: That's what Alf said.

RHONDA: Look, we really shouldn't discuss this without a quorum.

DAVID: Stuff your quorum. If Norm's got something to say, we should hear him out.

RHONDA; But without an up to date financial statement, we can't rationally discuss it.

DAVID: Look, we know roughly how much we've got; bugger all. That's why we have to increase the fees.

[ENTER BETTY]