To Catch A Cheat by Art Walsh

This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent

ACT I SCENE 1
(A man enters, mid-thirties well dressed followed by a woman,
also in mid-thirties, attractive and well dressed. The only
light is that which comes in from the hall.)
PHILIP.
Here we are, safe at last from prying eyes. CORINNE.
As I enter your domain. The quintessential bachelor pad? PHILIP.
I think you'll find it comfortable. Let me turn on the
(Taking his hand and placing it on her breast. Then putting her arms around him. They kiss.)
Something whispered to me that this night would hold possibilities.
(She moves away, just a little bit.)
PHILIP.
I think it may posses more than possibilities.
(He reaches out a hand to her and with the other pushes the door shut.)
I think it has sensational possibilities. Come with me. --- Trust me.
CORINNE.
I know what that means in the apparel industry.
PHILIP.
Do you?
CORINNE.
I only hope it means the same thing here.
PHILIP.
As a matter of fact here it gains something in translation. CORINNE.
Oh! A man who speaks in tongues. How fascinating. PHILIP.
Would you like a glass of wine or perhaps something stronger? CORINNE.
Definitely, something stronger.

What would you like?
I smell coffee.
PHILIP.
Made it myself. Would you care for a cup?
CORINNE.
Sell my soul for one.
(He rises heading for kitchen.)
PHILIP.
CORINNE.
You seemed strong enough. Now. Pour yourself something but
first point me to the powder room so I can slip out of something comfortable.
PHILIP.
Now, that doesn't require any translation. We'll dispense
with the wine. Shall we?
(The sound of a door opening followed by that of a zipper.)
CORINNE. What fast hands you have grandma.
PHILIP.
All the better to ---
CORINNE
I thought for a moment that you had, had a change of heart.
PHILIP.
Not even for a moment.
(The door closes. A small amber light in the book case goes on followed by light from the bedroom seen under the door.)
BLACKOUT.
SCENE 2
(The lights come up to an empty room. Liz enters front door, places her things on desk and sets up lap top. Then she exits to kitchen. Liz enter front door reveal Philip seated at a small table. He is dressed in a robe and has a cup of coffee and is reading the paper. The bedroom door opens slightly.)
CORRINE.

PHILIP. Not necessary. How do you take it?
CORINNE. A drop of cream, please.
PHILIP.
Coming right up.
(He exits into kitchen. Corinne enters from bedroom, wearing a slip and holding a pillow in front of her. The slinky dress from the night before is on the floor just outside the door. She picks up the dress and moves back into the bedroom. Philip returns with cup of coffee and puts it down on the coffee table then turns and walks to the bedroom door.)
PHILIP.
You'll find some very comfortable robes in the closet ---
(Corinne steps into the door way before he gets there. She has the dress on.)
CORINNE.
Would you mind?
(Turning her back to reveal the opened zipper.)
PHILIP.
Yes I do if you don't mind my saying so. I had hoped --- CORINNE.
Sorry darling. Got to run. Coffee? PHILIP.
On the table. It's just that I thought maybe we could make a day of it.
CORINNE. Never on a first date. Good coffee.
PHILIP.
I wouldn't call it a date. Not if you want to be precise.
CORINNE.
Precision is not a concern of mine. Although I do admire
accuracy.
(She takes his face in her hands and kisses him. He attempts to put his arms around her but she pulls away.)
I'll call you.
PHILIP.

No.
No?
I'll call you.
You'll need the number.
CORINNE. PHILIP. CORINNE. PHILIP.
CORINNE. Got it off the phone in there.
PHILIP. Right. How will I know it's you?
(Picking up her hand bag.)
I'll ask for Berlitz. Precision.
Accuracy
CORINNE. PHILIP. CORINNE.
PHILIP.
Call soon. We don't want my French getting rusty.
(She leans to him and kisses him without touching him. He begins to move his hands to her, she pushes them away. The kiss lingers a moment. Then she pulls back goes to the door and opens it.)
PHILIP.
I don't know who you are. What your name, any thing about
you.
You know enough.
CORINNE.
(She exits closing the door behind her. Philip crosses to a book case Opens case using hidden handle to reveal video equipment. He flips a few switches then crosses to chair in front of television set which faces up stage. Using remote control he turns on the TV. We hear bad but slightly too loud audio and are aware of the fact the there is picture. He uses remote control to mute sound as he reaches for the phone and dials. Intently watching the screen. Pause.)

PHILIP
Hello, it’s Dietz. Phase one, like silk on glass. --- Yes
she is. I thought you weren't going to ask. Didn't I tell you that that sort of conversation could create problems? --- Right. I'm just doing what I have to do. --- No she didn't mention you. --- Listen to me, either we keep to the bargain or all bets are off. --- Yes I have it. You don't get to see it. Never. The only person who will ever see that tape is her and then only if absolutely necessary. I am not in the business of producing pornography. --- I don't care. ---
Phase two
and tells
--- Okay.
TV on the
moment turns off TV crosses to book case, removes tape and labels it then places it on a shelf and closes book case part way. Then opening it again places a new tape in the machine and again closes book case.)
begins when she begins it. Unless she goes home you all about --- I thought you wanted rid of her. He hangs up phone and exits into kitchen leaving light flickering around the room. He returns in a
BLACKOUT
SCENE 3 SCENE 3 (NIGHT TWO)
(Night The only light enters through the window. The sound of glass breaking. A figure enters dressed in black a small flashlight in his teeth and proceeds to the desk, opening and closing drawers. The sound of a key in the lock. The intruder is startled.)
RON.
(He turns off flashlight, looking for a place to hide, he
ducks behind the desk.)
I'm cooked.
(The door opens light from the door streams across the room.
It will miss Ron and sweep up stage. He remains frozen. Then realizes that he has not been exposed.)
PHILIP.
Here we are at last, away from prying eyes.
(Philip and a woman are silhouetted in the door way.)
HELEN.
Is this what you referred to as the safest spot in town? PHILIP.
To be sure. Step right in and I'll demonstrate.
Oh shit!

HELEN.
I think I've had the demonstration. (Ron is cowering at desk.)
HELEN.
Now I'm ready for the real thing.
(They embrace; he leads her inside and closes the door.)
PHILIP.
The real thing is ready for you. Would you like something,
anything? I believe How about
HELEN.
I have everything I need for now. PHILIP.
just a little light? HELEN.
Not necessary. I can find my way in the dark. (Sound of rustling clothing.)
PHILIP. HELEN.
So you can.
(Stumbles into some furniture.)
Oops
PHILIP.
Perhaps a more level playing field? HELEN.
Perhaps. Lead the way. Lead me astray. PHILIP.
Astray is my,
Middle name?
What shall I call you?
Helen. We can save the pet names for later.
Just see what comes up?
PHILIP. HELEN.
HELEN. PHILIP. HELEN.
As it were. Now.
(The sound of the bedroom door opening. The bedroom lights
come on. Some giggles apropos of the moment. The door closes and the amber light in the book case goes on.)
RON.
(Sotto voce.) This guy is unbelievable. I'd love to stick
around for the show, but.
(Shining the flash light in the direction of the amber light.)

I wonder what that is.
(Crosses and exits through the front door. He does not see
the light from the front door streaming in fall on Philip who is seated in a chair. He closes the door and exits.)
PHILIP.
Good night Ronnie, boy.
(The bedroom door opens, Helen is standing there. Philip
rises and crosses to the door.) HELEN.
I thought for a moment that you had, had a change of heart. PHILIP.
Not even for a moment.
HELEN.
(Philip enters her embrace and the bedroom. The door closes.)
BLACKOUT SCENE 4
(When the lights come up, Philip enters from kitchen, he is dressed in street clothes. He crosses to and opens drapes. It is daytime. He crosses to and opens book case. Takes a tape from the machine. Then places another tape in the machine and exits into kitchen. The door bell rings. Philip enters from kitchen a coffee in hand and moves to the door. Catching the open book case out of the corner of his eye he changes course and crosses to it and closes it. The door bell rings again.)
PHILIP. Just a minute, be right there.
(X’s to door & peeps out.)
Hi Liz.
(As he opens the door.)
Why not use your key?
(Liz enters.)
LIZ.
I hate surprises Philip. Good morning?
PHILIP.
So far. Have you come to brighten it further?

I think so.
LIZ.
(Xing to kitchen and pointing at his cup.))
Coffee on?
(She drops her brief case and exits into kitchen.)
PHILIP. I think so? What does that mean?
(From kitchen.)
LIZ.
I'll explain in a minute. Give a girl a chance to get
comfortable, will you?
PHILIP.
Get as comfortable as you like. Just get in here and let's
get going.
LIZ.
(Entering from kitchen with a mug in her hand.)
I offer you this appetizing morsel. PHILIP.
And that would be?
A prospective client.
You think so?
I think so. This guy is worried
She doesn't feel well?
LIZ. He thinks she feels to --- well, PHILIP.
More.
LIZ. PHILIP. LIZ. PHILIP.
about his wife.
and in the wrong places.
LIZ.
Any way, he thinks she's got to many gardeners working the
grounds. Oh, and he's pretty hot to trot himself. PHILIP.
Dysfunctional family?

LIZ.
Apparently they both function at peak levels. I'm telling
you he's no slouch when it comes to demonstrating his digital dexterity. I barely said hello and my bra was opened. I didn't know if he was getting me a drink or drawing me a bath.
PHILIP.
Unless the wife is the one hiring me you can skip the rest of
the introduction. But now I see what you meant by "I think so." The next question is. Does he want my help?
LIZ.
This is where the 'I think so' actually comes in to play. He
wants you to tail her; you know like Sam Spade or something. PHILIP.
Didn't you explain how we work it? LIZ.
I tried, this guy's got arms like an octopus and his ears don't seem to work to well at all. So I set up an appointment. He should be here any minute.
PHILIP.
Then quick. Fill me in as much as you can.
LIZ.
Okay. Halloway. Billy. He's in real-estate and
investments. She thinks she's a socialite. She's got a
degree in theater, some school in rather throw money out the window you know what I mean?
PHILIP. That could work to our advantage.
(Crossing to kitchen.)
More coffee?
(Exits.)
the mid-west. He would than pay for something. If
LIZ.
Not yet. Do you want me to call down to the lobby, just in
case the boob is just standing around waiting for us to come and get him?